pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: *singing* dont want dont want dont want dont want dont want dont want dont want

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: eeny weenie teeny weenie shrivelt little short short man

dont want dont want dont want

Gato: You've got to be kidding me. You didn't write that. That's...most of "Short Dick Man" by the forgotten hip-hop group "20 Fingers." And you didn't even sing it for real, you sang the edited version.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no no youve got it all wrong i recordet that hit song an playt it on my popular tv show the grind

Gato: If I remember correctly the singer was a doofy broad in a beret named "Gillette."

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok you got me it was gillette but you have to admit she was truly the best a man could get

she was like a sexually explicit blossom

Gato: So is that seriously all you've got? I completely whore myself out, tell you I'll sleep with you if you write a song, and you come back with THAT?

Gato: A song about how important the size of a man's genitals are to you? Christ, dude, I think Proctor could've even done better than that.

DoctorProctor: I could!

/brandishes acoustic guitar

Right now I'd like to slow things down a little with a tune I like to call, "I'm A Bear In A Lady's Boudoir."

/strums guitar

Ooooooooh... -

**Online Host**
DoctorProctor has been thrown through the windshield of a moving bus.

that was driving nearby

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: alright alright i wrote a song for reals but it aint gonna be as good as short short man

Gato: well you can't possibly get any worse

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i started off tryen to write some balls out heavied metal an i got a pretty good first line that goes dunna dunna DAH dunna dunna DAH dunna DAH

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: but the words werent comen and i dident think you were the kind a broad who likes singers maken bear noises

an really the only thing that sounds good with dunna DAH is rarararaaaah

Gato: /nod

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: so then i figgerd that you was a girl, right, an what, like forteen fifteen years olt

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: like fifteen sixteen years olt right so i axed myself "what does sixteen year olts listen to"

so i went to target an bought a album by 'train' an put a polaroit of myself over the cover, because i am not totally out of touch with this generation an i think we can all agree that train is a great band for listening to

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: but then the yankees start laffin at me like im father guidos are douchy or some shit

Gato: What? Why?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: apparently kids today caint absorb the subtle nuancée of train

they think 'drops of jupiter' is a bunch of sappy sentimental nonsense words linked together to sell records to middle aged men an women who arent payen attention an think shit like 'she listens like spring an she talks like june' is deep

when it actuality it is a touching song about abortion

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: kids today only like music sung by cute people, an only if those cute people are dancen the robot in baggy dress clothes to computer noises

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: so they showt me this major motion picture called 'high school musical' which is full a songs like that

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: about love an friendship an pushen it to the limit, but not really, so i tryt to write a song like that for you

Gato: Oh? How did that go?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i flew to los angeles an beat the shit out of quincy jones

Gato: Oh my God! Didn't he have a cerebral aneurysm??

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: lol yeah he was bleeden everywhere

anyway

Gato: /smiles

And what do you love?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: that is easy i made a list for refrence

1. kyle farnsworth the man
2. base ball
3. adriana lima that one supermodel from victorias secrets
4. taken a satisfying bm (only sometimes)

Gato: You put taking a shit on your list? What about your son?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what about him

do you want to get into a fight

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: anywayz i figgerd that if i truly loved those things i could write a song about them for you, an i did

so, do you want to hear it

Gato: Yes! Yes, of course!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: aight here goes

MY SONG
(right click and select "save as" to listen to the song)

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh cripes i copipasted the wrong link, una my mentos por favor

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yer acten like youd forgotten and are a hypocrite for doen so

okay here we go

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i did not sing this thank fuck, it is performed by a band out of california callt the gun slingers

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wil nieves tolt me about them, they are a wes coast super group comprised of:

wooly willy held upright, wwe's the big show, chris carrabba's from dashboart confessional, an one a the barenaked ladies

Gato: I can't wait to hear them!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yes the gunslinger are great an you should support them in all of their creative endeavors

**Online Host**
The Gunslinger - The Wreck of the Edmund Kyle Farnsworth
(right click and select "save as" to download the mp3)
(then use your computer's other functions to send it to everyone you have ever met)

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i have provided a link for download an will transcribe the lyrics here since we are talken to each other in real life

when i make a / mark it means you start a new line

in real life

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth:

adriana lima bout to dook in her draws/over mighty farnsworth, the baddest black in all baseball

from the new york fucken yankees baseball club/tossen mad fast balls an swingen you some death from above

*bad ass guitar solos performt by me*

farnsy pitchen pitches means yer win is a natch/got more gawk-eyed bitches standen an clappen than a lumberjacked match

they say the king of the mountain's got the lats a steel/spudfuckers who charge the mound get a dick knocked into the field

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /waits for reaction