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The whole idea of this article came from deep respect for the late Phil Hartman. I consider his tragedy the worst loss to the public eye in my lifetime. The talent this man displayed as a comedian was second to none, establishing a style only he could honor.
The television scene is a funny business. At times it seems like there can't possibly be any more original ideas, and new shows come out that support this theory. How many shows about beatniks in middle-city/upper-suburban school systems are we supposed to choke down before “Boston Public” comes out? “Mr. Rhodes” didn't even have a script.
Duhhhh what's a alphabet derrrrrrrrrrrrr
It seems as though some writers decided to try and relate to small cliques of people. Most of these attempts failed horribly.
Today we're gonna' bomb an OSHA truck!
Others were more successful. “Frasier”, for example, was a very popular spin-off of “Cheers”. It was about a sophisticated man of wealth and dignity who encounters mishaps of the everyday world. For example, he would often be forced into physical competition, much to the audience's glee. I hope Eddie “The Dog” Crane gets a spin-off soon. It'd be Wishbone except with less effort.
I hope you all have your pen and paper ready!
“News Radio” was about the news radio station WNYX out of New York . It's the second most popular news program in San Diego New York to an arbitrary Ron Burgundy joke whale's vagina Howard Stern. The staff on board was built to fit every existing stereotype you could ever associate with a radio station. Let's explore:
Jimmy James “The Owner”
Key Attributes: Lots of money, laid back, presents a pompous attitude. Further Detail: He really doesn't seem to care about the business at all. Whenever he's in the studio he's either chipping golf balls into a bucket or talking really loudly to himself. Best Relationship With: Dave Nelson. Further Detail: He seems to really take interest in what Dave does, but absolutely no one else. He loves crackin' smacks with ol' Davey, much to Dave's dismay. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often says: “B'doo b'doo doo doo.”
Dave Nelson “The Naïve Boss”
Key Attributes: Collapses easily, places trust and affection in his employees, is a homosexual in real life. Further Detail: Too flustered to possibly handle this wild assortment, he often turns to unorthodox methods of empowerment and life-lesson to help. Best Relationship With: Lisa Miller. Futher Detail: Him and Lisa are dating, though they don't want the studio to find out. OH BOY WHEN THEY DO FIND OUT IT'S GONNA BE SWEET. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “Sir.”
Lisa Miller “One a' The Guys”
Key Attributes: Stern temper, good-worker, a woman. Further Detail: In a society that doesn't seem to be quite ready to grant full rights to women, it is important that a figure of both feminism and valor be readily viewable. She also was the one who came up with the idea for “Topless Tuesdays”. Best Relationship With: Dave Nelson. Further Detail: OH MAN WHEN THEY FIND OUT. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “Eyyyy pass me a bruschi.”
Bill McNeal “The Veteran”
Key Attributes: Cocky, outspoken, smoker. Further Detail: If you asked him who owned WNYX he would surely raise his hand. He obeyed few of the studio's rules, mostly just the ones that he instantiated himself. Best Relationship With: Bill McNeal. Further Detail: I think he chose his profession based on the fact that he gets to sit in a soundproof booth and listen to himself talk all day. It's like getting paid to be narcissistic. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “One, two, three cards!”
Beth “The Smartass Secretary”
Key Attributes: Annoying, gossiper, very white. Further Detail: Jesus. Let me guess:
“So, guys, we have our strong female who is cute, smart, and charming. What else do we need?” “A big idiot lady who never stops talking/chewing gum.” “Why would we want that in our show?” “Have you seen The Nanny?” “Yes. It's the worst show on television.” “Have you seen its ratings?” “Yes. They're through the roof.” “Why do you think people watch it, then?” “They want to see if she dies.”
Sorry to ruin 97 episodes' worth of anticipation for you, but she just will not die.
Best Relationship With: Jimmy James. Further Detail: She just seems more annoying around him, which I guess is sort of like when a dog wags its tail. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “I wish I was Kathy Griffin.”
Catherine Duke “Don't Sass Lest Me Kick Ass” a.k.a. “The Black Diva”
Key Attributes: Black, firey, self-respectful. Further Detail: She seems to be the backup voice for Bill. He oftentimes dumps crappy material on her to avoid doing it himself. She, in turn, reprimands him as if his name were “Natiki”. Best Relationship With: Dave Nelson. Further Detail: She seems to feed off of his authority, as if she sort of likes knowing all the responsibility isn't on her. The two are repeatedly seen making up all sorts of secret handshakes. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “Natiki! Get yo ass off the damn floor!”
Joe Garelli “The Repairman”
Key Attributes: Street smart, inappropriate, Italian. Further Detail: The sweet part is he's an electrician. The only circumstance better than this one involves Joe working at a garage down the street, yet inexplicably hanging around the radio station all day. Best Relationship With: Bill McNeal. Further Detail: The only person at the station who lets Joe do what Joe wants to do is Bill. Everyone else is always bitching at him. “Don't touch this”, “Put down that”, “She's a kid, for christ's sake, Joe”. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “Fix it y'self, y'lazy bums.”
Matthew “The Office Troll”
Key Attributes: Stupid, talkative, sensitive. Further Detail: It's fucking Andy Dick. Best Relationship With: … Further Detail: …shit. Worst Relationship With: Matthew. Often Says: “Wait, are we supposed to pick up our paychecks somewhere or something? Maybe you wrote my address down wrong.”
The personnel at the studio had been working together for a long time before Dave Nelson showed up. He had been recruited from Wisconsin to come in, fire the current News Director, and assume their responsibilities. The quiet man now in the position of power was awkward to say the least, and his new employees were less than enthusiastic to accept him as their own. Dave tries to win them over by starting a company game of D&D, though they don't even dignify his attempt with insults. Well, they insulted him plenty, but I'm pretty sure it didn't do much to dignify his attempt.
So, as all we non-skimmers understand, Dave and Lisa grow fond of one another and satisfy their primal urges to procreate. They hide it as best they can, but get caught by Beth. Beth, of course, is the perfect person to trust. Let's take a look at one of the station's meetings.
Is everyone present?
We sure are!
Good. Let's begin, then. Beth, could you please read off the agenda?
Uh, yeah. Sure, Dave. I uhhhhhhhhhhh
It's just that uhhhhhhh
The agenda, Beth?
Right, right. First you were going to go over the safety regulations of New York , then you were going to try and convince Lisa to dress up like a dominatrix and fire up the ol' glue gun.
I'm leaving.
Thanks, Beth. It took me weeks to build up the confidence to approach her about that and you flushed it down the drain in two seconds.
Wait you guys are what?
Where are the paychecks, you guys?
So with the cat out of the bag Lisa and Dave were at least allowed to show their affection publicly, which meant that no corner of the office was safe from their constant breeding. Joe would resort to setting modified mousetraps all over the office. You really don't want to see what these things look like.
Now, class, what did we study about last week?
“Dating within a television sitcom.”
Correct. And what was the first thing we learned?
“They break-up.”
Annnnnd…
“The break-up is excruciatingly drawn-out and uninteresting.”
Because who watches a sitcom for drama?
“The British.”
Very good.
“News Radio” ended for me when Phil Hartman, who played Bill McNeal, died. His character was replaced by a two-bit hack (Jon Lovitz) playing a half-bit role. His character was the exact opposite of Hartman's, which is usually not the direction you try to take when replacing a character. I guess trying to replace Phil Hartman on “News Radio” would be like trying to replace Bruce Lee in “Hero II”.
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