Twister
of Fate
The
Definitive Hardy Boyz Fan-Fiction
written by B originally for Explicit Wrestling
Lita eased her head through the door to check and see if anybody was coming. Quickly, she ducked back into the room, and, removing her STP hat, began to question the validity of what was about take place.
"Matt, are you shoor we should be doin' this? I mean, what if somebody comes in and finds us? We'd be plum outta luck Matt!"
"Lita, I am a Hardy Boy," said Matt, angrily placing a white sheet of plastic on the ground beneath them. "I wasn't even supposed to BE in this room, but I am. I worked harder than anybody to get here. So tonight, me and you are gonna play Twister. Or we're gonna die trying." So powerful. He tossed back a stray lock of poorly-frosted hair and waved his fist at the redhead, as if to taunt her, or to swat away a fart.
"Awright," Lita agreed, spitting a big wad of chaw into a nearby spitoon. "The last time I played this with a boyfriend he grabbed me by the hand, bounced up and down on the bed, and tossed me through a window." She began nodding her head excessively. "If I won't so 2 XTREME I woulda been up a creek. A huh huh!"
"Lita, you weren't even supposed to BE here today, but you are." Matt sounded cold, and from the sticks. "And pull down your pants some, you look like one'a them northern girls!"
The collagen-implanted diva adjusted her pink carpenter pants and positioned them just below her buttcrack. "Thar," she exclaimed, "now I'm ready to go!"
"2 XTREME!" said Matt, grabbing the Twister game spinner and hoisting it high into the air. The eldest Hardy began shaking his unoccupied fist, spun around, and hit the spinner. Slowly, it came to it's stop. "Right hand, blue." Hardy threw his arms up. "AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"
"That was EXTREME!" commented Lita, before taking off her shirt and putting her right hand on blue. I don't know WHY she took off her shirt, these people just randomly do that some times.
"2 XTREME!" corrected Matt, pointing imaginary guns at his head to show how suicidal he was being by putting his hand on the correct color. As he hit the mark, part of Lita's hair brushed his shoulder, sending him flailing across the room and upside down into the wall.
The Twister game carried on late into the chilly Cameron, North Carolina afternoon. Each player was determined to get the upper hand! Lita, in times of doubt, hit the hurricanrana predictably several times! However, Matt was ready for her, and shook his fist repeatedly. Things were getting hot and heavy when a knock resounded from big brother's bedroom door.
"Who is it?" yelled Matt Hardy, pointing imaginary guns at his head to show how suicidal he was being by asking a question. He took off his shirt. The girls down the street screamed from their rooms.
"It's me, Jeff. I'm a free spirit."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!" Matt bellowed. "Jeff, you weren't even supposed to BE here tonight, but you are."
Jeff pulled up his flared sea-otter print cargo pants and shrugged. "I no how daingaruss it is out hare...xtremes not a mood matt is a lifestall..."
With the interruption obviously killing the mood, Matt leapt to his feet and began sewing clothes angrily. "Jeff Hardy, can't you go ride some XTREME dirt bikes or dye your hair some XTREME colors? I've got a girl in here, and she's white trash!"
Lita's brain cells didn't catch on as she sat in silence, her breasts slowly growing larger.
"I wud," countered Jeff, "but those thangs are all 2XTREME fer me rite now. i rote some poatry about vamparrs an sunsets, i thawt u mite wanna read over it an' help me out with tha spellin' like u usally do." The youngest Hardy's head sank in shame, as tears of self-realization fell slowly onto his neon-pink mesh shirt.
"Jeff, Lita wasn't even supposed to BE in my room tonight, but she is." Matt leapt to his feet and hurled a pair of skintight spandex pants with purple daisies all over them through his doorway and into Jeff's sock-covered arms. "I made these for you, they are XTREME...not 2XTREME, because that would be dangerous. But I made them, because I'm suicidal!" Matt pointed imaginary guns at his head.
The ink from Lita's ugly tattoo soaked into her brain as she suggested, "maybe you should go clubbing in those pants tonight? That we me an' yer brother can finish our game of Twister."
"Twister of Fate!" Matt growled.
"Twister?" Jeff asked. "i thought that game was callt 'misty meadows of hope.'"
"That was your name for it," assured Matt. "Just like you named the cat 'translucent rainbow butterfly.'"
"That's such a purty name," nodded Jeff. "i mighta shoulda named her 'ghost dancer imagination waterfall' tho. cause that's real purty." Jeff pointed to his piece of paper. "just like mah poem! it's 2XTREME!" Jeff took off his shirt. The girls down the street screamed again.
Matt scoffed at the lines written on the torn sheet of loose leaf. "Hah, looks like it's 1XTREME to me."
"Shut up!" Jeff sprung at Matt with a punch, but missed, and flipped upside down thirty-nine hundred times before crashing into the nightstand. Seizing the opportunity to grasp some more of that backyard magic, big bro sought to teach his little bro a lesson!
Matt grabbed Jeff by the head, and made some imaginary guns to show how suicidal he was being by grabbing somebody's head.
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!" Matt spun around, but, thinking fast, Jeff touched Matt's back with the tip of his painted fingernail, sending Matt sailing over the bed and through the bedroom window. Lita tried to give the window a very predictable hurricanrana, but ended up landing in the bushes.
Jeff began to cry, placing his streaky spotted tangerine, lavender, and chartreuse head in his hands. "nobody understands me!" Suddenly, his eyes lit up with joy! "hay, i no! i can go watch tha crow or powder or somethin agin!"
Jeff flipped through the window and onto the front yard, crashing through three tables and a lawn gnome. "maybe my boyfr...um, maybe my grilfrend can come over to. that'd be 2 XTREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHH" Matt groaned from the bushes.
