The 50
Greatest Video Games Ever.
written by
B, Jon, Nick, Ronin and Jon
Justin- october 21 - 2003
Below are the top forty reasons that you should go out and purchase a video game system of some sort if you've been holding out from hopping on the video game bandwagon for the past two decades. Remember, this list of games is not opinion. It is proven fact. If you believe any other games should be on this list, then you are wrong.
Give this a little time to download. It'll be worth it. I GUARAN DAMN TEE IT
YOU'RE FAAAAUGGHHHHED
YOU'RE ALL FAAAAAUGGHED
YOU AN (cue Raw theme)
Nick.
1. Zelda: "Link’s Awakening", Gameboy
My favorite game for Gameboy. You’re goal is to collect an assortment of instruments sufficient enough to wake the Wind Fish. You see, you are in the dream of the Wind Fish, so when you wake him up you fucking die. What a goal.
The game also makes several obscure references to sex:
"YOU GOT THE MERMAID’S SCALE! Lu-u-u-u-u-u-u-cky!"
"…what?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
2. Super Tecmo Bowl, Sega Genesis
My favorite sports game, period. Nothing could stop Dan Marino and his Miami Dolphins. Perhaps the best play in the game was when you had the ball 1st and ten at the fifty yard line. You picked a long pass play, dropped back TO YOUR OWN END ZONE, bombed it, completing a pass to your receiver IN THE OTHER TEAM’S END ZONE, FOR 100 YARDS. Bring on the pixilated cheerleaders!
<cheerleaders>
3. Tony Hawk Pro Skater, N64-Ps2
A delightful romp in which you bring chaos and destruction to a seemingly innocent neighborhood. Actually you just skateboard. I think there are 5 of them out now, if you count some re-release that I didn’t bother buying. The skateboarding got more and more ridiculous with each successive game. The first one allowed you to do a back flip through a pane of glass. The second one allowed you to do the same while eating a meatball sub. The third one wasn’t even skateboarding, you just analyzed modern art. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 had a zoo! You could super fakie triple crown plant a hippopotamus!
4. Deer Hunter, PC/Arcade
Stand in the woods for an hour. See how much fun it is. Now wait in the woods for an hour while waiting for a deer. No different, right? Well then say a deer shows up. You aim, shoot, and miss. The deer runs away in fright.
You:
1) Reload your gun, wait for another hour
2) Leave
3) Reload your gun, shoot your brains out
4) Play Tennis
5. Super Mario Kart, SNES/N64
I couldn’t decide which version I liked better, so I chose both. Perhaps the only racing game ever to satisfy my attention span. The other thing that was so appealing about this game was the weapon selection. ESPECIALLY the weapons you get when you’re last place. The badass weapons. The blue shell, for example. This thing hunts through the entire course until it finds the first place racer, and then proceeds to kill him/her (fuck you princess). Well, not "kill", but "fuck up". I launched one at my friend once, and he dodged it. He fucking dodged my blue shell. I swear to god he sold his soul to the devil. We call him Faustus now. I never read that book. WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE.
6. Final Fantasy X, Ps2
Just so you know, "X" means "10". I guess you could say X = 10.
Or X = 2X - 10. ALRIGHT! I always wanted a game about math!
There’s no math in this game, unfortunately. Only a loser, Tidus, who exchanges eyes WITH THE HOTTEST ANIMATED GIRL EVER, Yuna. Together they go one a half baked quest to kill a ball of evil. The gameplay in this game is pretty awesome, though. You can shape each character in any direction you want, be it brute strength, magic, defense, etc.
7. Madden 64, N64
This game was great because I was awesome at it. To date I am undefeated against human opponents. I played my fair share of humans, both men and women. None could handle my stuff.
The only play that no one ever used was Punt play. We won’t punt, we’ll go for first down every single time. It could be 4th and 27 and I’d still go from the gun, or maybe a fake punt.
Real men don’t punt.
8. Ultimate Bet, PC
I gamble. A lot. This is a downloadable program that allows me to gamble for real money against other addicts. It also allows people to gamble for fake money, in case you’re not baller like me, who’s willing to lose money to look cool. You can play Texas Hold ‘Em, Omaha, Pineapple, and Plum Bob.
www.ultimatebet.com If you do sign up, put "WaterCoffee" down as a reference, CUZ BIG POPPA PUMP. IS YA HOOK UP. HOLLA. IF YA HEYAH MEH.
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: "Turtles in Time", SNES
This game is so hardcore. You chase after shredder until he sends you back in time. At each stage you’re given the time frame and a clever quote, such as "Bury my shell at Wounded Knee". The hardest boss is "Slash". He is a mad man.
What makes this game cool is the ability to play with your friend at the same time on the same screen. My friend and me played this game for the first time in years the other day. He died at the last boss, leaving me to beat him by myself. Not to mention that he took every single fucking pizza on the way there. Bastard.
10. WWF Raw, SNES
I love wrestling games. Old school wrestling games are even better. Anything is better than a monster truck game THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A WRESTLING GAME. How retarded.
The thing that made WWF Raw stand out from other games were the super mega unbelievable finishers that you stumbled upon. For example, Diesel’s mega move was grabbing an opponent by the feet and THROWING HIM UPWARDS FROM 40 FEET IN THE AIR. The opponent would then fall at a rate of 9.81 m/s2 to the mat where they died. Diesel pinned people by stepping on their chest, raising his arms, and dropping his jaw. Arrrr.
Ronin.
1. X-COM UFO Defense (PC)
Far and away, one of the best games for PC ever, UFO Defense has
been lauded as being far ahead of it’s time. It’s a
game which focuses of the invading alien hordes, and you’re
the director of earth’s last best hope for peace –
Babylofymmmfh (writer stifled to avoid lawsuits – Ed.). Your
organization does it all. They send up the fighter jets to
intercept the passing UFO’s, down them, then you send a
squad out to secure the area (don’t shoot any civvies!) and
immobilize all opposing forces. Then you get to bring back what
you found, research it, and use it in the field against ever
toughing enemies. If you’re into squad combat and research
trees and such, check it out. I’ll also recommend UFO:
Aftermath, the newest title in the series which updates the
graphics, adds an XP system for your squaddies and that’s
it. Stays true to the roots and still makes for one hell of a
play. I give it three Cory Feldman’s and a bonus Selma
Hayek.
2. System Shock (PC)
This is the game that combined inventory management and first
person shooting and took it all to a new level. Mix in a sci-fi
plot that’s akin to 28 Days Later (but with much better plot
development) and you’ve got a hit that is timeless. This is
yet another game that just recently got a facelift for the new
millennium. Check out either version, as they’re both great
titles.
3. Hi-Octane (PC)
A sci-fi racer with no plot, no story, just hard core racing with
miniguns and rockets. Fight your way to the front of the pack and
stay there. This was my first Bullfrog title, and let me tell you
I have yet to find a game they’ve produced that didn’t
reek of quality.
4. Wipeout (PC)
Yet another futuristic racer, perhaps better known for the Fluke
song ‘Atom Bomb’, who’s video for the single
featured elements and story arc from the game, since the band was
such a big fan of the game. Well worth a play, if only for the
pretty colors and sense of speed. There have been numerous
iterations of this title as well.
5. Doom II (PC)
This was the game that set the tone for sequels in the industry
of first person shooters. Following on the heels of it’s
predecessor’s success, Doom II remains one of the most
widely distributed and sold games in the history of man. And
rightly so. No First Person Shooter before Doom had brought the
arcade frenzy feel to FPS games, and it’s sequel was no
slouch. If you’re too young to have ever played this game,
don‘t bother. You wouldn’t get it. The feeling all of
us had when we saw the title screen with the demon and the space
marine squaring off, and that rockin 16-bit industrial rock over
the back. It was as close to sex as you could get from a computer
in those days.
6. Quake (PC)
If H.R. Giger had been around long enough to get into the game
industry, I’m sure he would have been proud to call Quake
his own. It was essentially a (more) twisted version of Doom.
It’s engine was legendary, and basically became ID
Software’s flagship. A lot of games went on to use
Quake’s (or Quake II’s) stock or modified engine. And
when they brought Trent Reznor in to work audio on the series, it
just made things all the better.
7. Uplink (PC)
Until recently, Uplink could only be ordered by visiting
Introversion’s website. But now, under the title
‘Uplink: Hacker Elite’, you filthy heathen Americans
can get your grubby paws on this classic hacking sim. It looks,
basically, like another operating system on your computer, but
this one’s got some extras. And as you hack into more and
more secure systems your rating goes up. I like the missions in
which you have to change people’s academic records. You can
leave fun little notes like ‘still wets the bed’ or
‘has VD’ in people’s profiles. Fun times.
8. Baldur's Gate (PC)
Before there was Neverwinter Nights, there was Baldur’s
Gate. This game appeased the RPG geek in me, and let’s face
it, there’s one in all of us. There’s so many options
and fun geek stuff to do, and quests
and……gaaaah…so much! I don’t think I’ve
ever finished it before I’ve had to uninstall it.
Baldur’s Gate II is great as well, so those of you who were
disappointed with the length of some of today’s
RGP’s…give BG a try, you will have to learn what
it’s like to stave yourself to death in front of a monitor.
9. Tyrian (PC)
The demo for this game came with Acer’s back in the day
(remember Acer? Yeah, I wish I didn’t either.) and was great
fun to play. You shot up the bad guys in your ship for a high
schore. Between missions, you’d discover that your score is
actually cash, and you’d buy the biggest, baddest-assed
weapons you could so you could pull your ship up to the curb,
chirp the alarm, and have all the other losers with just the
standard machine gun go ‘Dayum, Gina!’. Never did get
my hands on a full version, and the fact that I can’t play
greats like Tyrian with XP makes me very not happy.
10. Syndicate Wars (PC)
Yet another unsung hero of the Bullfrog lineup. Syndicate Wars is
set in the grim future where you have to head a
corporation’s squad of ‘enforcers’ who do
everything from ‘secure’ areas to ‘persuade’
scientists, citizens and enemy agents to join you. The missions
get harder and such. It’s a familiar concept these days, but
this was the first game I remember that allowed you to rotate
fully rendered (and fully destructible) 3D environments. Tres
cool if you can get it to run these days.
B.
1. Super Dodge Ball (NES)
TECHNOS has given me more joy with Super Dodge Ball than my family and friends could ever hope to. Super Dodge Ball is so much fun that the actual word "fun" becomes too small, and fun's creamy inner ejaculate comes bursting out from between the U and N. And we haven't seen that much jizz in the U and N since the last time George Bush was increasingly isolated on the global stage as he defied intense criticism from a litany of world leaders at the United Nations over the war on Iraq!!!
But the French president, Jacques Chirac, who spoke after Mr Bush, blamed the US-led war for sparking one of the most severe crises in the history of the UN and argued that Mr Bush's unilateral actions could lead to anarchy.
"Super Dodge Ball is a video game where guys hurl dodge balls at each other until one team is actually killed and turned into angels, who then ascend to Heaven," he said. "Grand Theft Auto gets a lot of publicity for featuring a guy on a killing spree with guns, but name ten games where you don't kill somebody with a gun. Killing somebody with a dodge ball is hardcore. In fact, I killed a kid in gym class with a dodge ball when I was a teen. He was holding a glass of wine and eating a loaf of bread. The ball broke the glass and poked the kid's eye out. It was MAG NAY FEEK."
2. Final Fantasy 2/IV (SNES)
3. Parappa the Rapper (PSX)
If I could travel back in time to tell my teen self that one of my favorite games of all-time would be a rhythm-based 2-D game about a dog who raps about making a cake for a sunflower I would say "I'M OOOOOOLD" and faint. I will let the Lennon-esque lyrics speak for themselves:
U, uh, u, uh
No way! I’ve been sitting in my car
Yes, now for days.
Did you check the toilets on the right?
Did you check the toilets on the left?
Did you check the toilets on the right?
Did you check the toilets on the left?
And let us not forget,
The other day, I was called a little
turkey
But I'm a chicken, got it? Ya beef jerky!
4. Castlevania Symphony of the Night (PSX)
The alpha and omega of awesome video game voice acting. When I'm pretending to be the son of Dracula, and I'm pretending to walk around an ancient castle using magic to beat up furry animal women, I like to be reminded of my own self-aware humor and heterosexuality. It helps when I can hear the worst Non-Jill Sandwich voice actors on the planet screaming things like "DIE MONSTER!" and "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" Even the Master of Unlocking can't keep a straight face when your castle hopping girl castmate asks, "What DO you here?"
The game is just fun as hell, and avoids the stupid idea that every game has to be a 3-D platformer now. It worked for Mario 64, and it worked for Ocarina of Time, but did anybody else play Bubsy 3D? Or that N64 Donkey Kong game? The person in charge of making Donkey Kong into a 3-D adventure should be tied to a manhole cover and stomped in the face until they die. The guy who made Pac-Man 3-D should have to lick up his head goop afterwards.
5. River City Ransom (NES)
River City Ransom is the more social and popular brother of Super Dodge Ball, featuring the same creepy looking deformed midget people doing karate instead of playing deadly team sports. Gang leader Slick has kidnapped the girlfriend of local boy Ryan, so Ryan and friend Alex walk around River City punching and kicking the shit out of everyone they meet until the bystanders scream BARF!
River City Ransom is probably the pinnacle of the NES, the most fun and illogically weird game made for the video game world's most famous system. The game combines my two favorite pasttimes: shopping, and generalizing people. For example, Alex can buy APPLE PIE from Merv's Burger Joint for 2 dollars, dollars he earned by killing one of the HOME BOYS and turning them into a coin. Ryan can use ACRO CIRCUS to dispatch one of the FRAT BOYS and earn his 99th dollar to buy TEXAS BOOTS. I can identify because in real life I like punching out HOMEBOYS and taking their coins to buy DRUGS.
6. NARC (NES)
7. Tetris Attack (SNES)
Blockbuster Video ran a promotion that allowed you to rent Tetris Attack free with the rental of any other Super Nintendo game. I chose to rent Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Fighting Edition. Twenty seconds into punching the Pink Ranger in the face I ripped my game from the SNES and began Attacking Tetris.
Tetris Attack is basically Yoshi and a bunch of weird looking anthropomorphic animals playing super speed reverse Tetris. I rented the game six times in a row. I got good enough to beat the game on the super hardest level, even the hidden hardest level that is so hard that the light from easy NEVER travels to it, and in fact hard sends out slightly less hard space probes to intercept the light and dump multicolored blocks on it until it dies. This is a lot like my experience in high school, which involved me getting extra hard and taking dumps on multicolored jocks. I went to gay high school. Our colors were pink and lavender. Our mascot was the Faggy Faggot. The Brookville High School Faggy Faggots.
And SCENE
8. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES)
The king of all 2-D adventure games, and objectively the best game ever made. I love Ocarina of Time and like Wind Waker for the Gamecube a lot, but Zelda is never going to be quite this good again.
Link's mission to restore the Triforce and search for Princess Zelda allows him to venture into twisting mazes, dungeons, palaces, and shadowy forests. Link precariously maneuvers his way through eight dark dungeons. During his search of Dark World labyrinths, Link gathers magical items and mighty weapons. He must also fight against evil enemies and big bosses. Special items like the power glove (it's so bad), hookshoot (like Abdul-Jabbar), and magic flippers (like a deformed but high-spirited baby) allow Link to be clever and crafty in his quest. And if you get tired of all the dungeons and sidequests, you can just have Link try to lift something too heavy for him over and over to make it look like he's humping a big rock.
9. NHL 95 (Sega Genesis)
The reason to own a Sega Genesis, and proof I can show my grandchildren to show them that the New York Rangers weren't always the worst team in professional sports. Easily my favorite sports game of all-time (since Mario Kart isn't techincally sports and Tecmo Super Bowl is already on Nick's list), NHL 95 proves the age old theory that Sega Genesis sports games were the one thing making Sega look better than Nintendo. What would you rather do? Pilot a hang glider through colored rings, or skate full ice and make Martin Brodeur your own personal little Canadian bitch.
Also the only time the Rangers will beat the Devils 29-0.
Also the only time the Rangers will ever win a game. :(
10. Baseball Stars (NES)
Baseball Stars simplified the concept of baseball to the point where none of the players had faces and none of the uniforms had anything on them. This was the test of your manhood when I was a kid, one of the few games my father and I could play and be on equal ground. Trying to defeat the American Dreams with the Ninja Blacksox was my goal in life, and despite a 20 year age difference and a team 1/100th as good I used all 1/32nd of my Asian heritage to win the game 30-29. I remember this vividly. I can't remember the middle name of my first girlfriend but I can remember beating my Dad that one time.
There was a team full of horror movie monsters (that looked the same as the faceless guys on the other teams, but with scary names). There was a girl team: The Lovely Ladies. Beaning the Lovely Ladies with a 102 mph fastball was a particular joy. But the best part had to be the amazing season mode, which keeps track of batting average, home run races, RBI titles, stolen bases, on base percentage, and wins and losses until about sixty games into the season, when your 8-bit Nintendo cartridge burned out and erased everything. Which it always did.
Jon.
1. Deus Ex (PC)
The one begotten son of an RPG and a first-person shooter, and without doubt, the single greatest video game of all time. It is the year 2015, and you are J.C. Denton, a neuro-augmented special agent commissioned to fight terrorism.
The storyline of politics, shadow organizations, and conspiracy theories is the best I've ever seen in a game, and I can honestly say that it was the primary reason I wanted to keep playing. Coming from a guy who desperately jams the buttons in an effort to bypass the between-levels animations in Mrs. Pac-Man, this is quite a compliment. The plotline gets just about as non-linear as it can possibly be without sacrificing its ability to compel.
Though certainly a good-looking game, its graphical excellence lies not in its technical quality, but in the undeniable atmosphere it creates. The game takes place exclusively at night, which sets the mood for the game and allows for masterful lighting effects. Meanwhile, the sound department should receive a Nobel prize for the movie-quality voice acting, excellent sound effects, and soundtrack that's so good that the game came packaged with a separate CD for said soundtrack.
Gameplay-wise, it is very innovative as well. The advent of augmentations, which can allow the player to run silently, regenerate, jump forty feet into the air, see through walls, or breathe underwater, make the game what it is. Puzzles abound, but never stop being fun or engrossing. Perhaps most intriguing was the idea that one can win a game in a seemingly infinite number of ways. I played the game a second time through because I wanted to go through the entire game with a sword as my only weapon.
GREATEST MOMENT: Eluding a group of guards by jumping off a rooftop, gliding over them, landing on a surveillance bot 100 feet away, and exploding it to death with my sword.
2. Warlords (PC)
As the name would suggest, it's an application that allows the user to merge spreadsheets. Just kidding! It's a war strategy game of bloody conquest. You are a bloodthirsty king who builds a massive army and seeks to conquer all the cities in a world full of dragons, Heroes, and a whole fucking lot of light infantry units who collapse into a burning heap of flesh if you poke them with a stick. Up to eight could play in the same game.
GREATEST MOMENT: When the computer players would grovel at your feet and say "PLEASE SPARE OUR MISERABLE LIVES." If you clicked "KILL THEM ALL!" you would be treated with a big picture of their severed bloody heads mounted on spears. It's the coolest thing an eight-year-old could ever hope to see. Besides a huge block of ice frozen inside an even larger block of ice.
3. Goldeneye 007 (N64)
Nintendo's strategy with the Nintendo 64 was to sacrifice quantity for quality when it came to releasing games. So when they made one of the best games ever in Goldeneye 007, they figured that they didn't have to release a game that was any good for the next two years. I played Goldeneye 007 until the cartridge melted. The chips inside malfunctioned, and the game turned into E.T. for the Atari 2600. Actually, I wish it had just started a fire and burnt down the house instead.
I loved first-person shooters, and for the first time I was finally able to play against other people. During that magical summer of 1998, my friends and I stayed up till five in the morning every night playing that game. I played it so much that when I closed my eyes, all I saw were multiplayer levels, and I soon knew my way around the Complex better than I knew my way around my house.
Also, I hold the all-time world record for quickest time for beating the Archives level on 00 Agent, with a time of 1:03. If anyone can prove to me that they can beat that, I'll mail them a dollar.
GREATEST MOMENT: Playing as Oddjob in Turbo Mode, Slappers Only.
4. Silent Service (NES)
You are an Allied submarine that patrols the Pacific Ocean in search of no-good troublemakers from the Land of the Rising Sun. It was a submarine simulation, but more importantly, it was the first simulation that I ever played that was accessible to a seven-year-old. To sink a carrier was not merely to point the periscope and press A. It was an art. A submarine captain must know when to raise and lower the scope, when to surface, when to cut the engine and let a convoy obliviously sail twenty feet above your head, when to release fake debris to throw off a destroyer, when to retreat, when to go for the throat, and when to go for broke and ram a ship to take as many of those bastards with you as you can.
This was the first game I ever played that made me feel like I was somewhere else.
GREATEST MOMENT: Sinking the fabled Yamato.
5. King's Quest VI (PC)
There are probably a lot of RPGs on this list, but I'd like to say on the record that King's Quest games, besides Deus Ex, were the only good RPG adventure games ever made. The Final Fantasies might have had a shot if they actually used the authentic NFL team and player names, rather than making up teams like the New York Bandits and Florida Wildcats. Oh wow, #6 just completed a touchdown pass to #87! Fuck off.
GREATEST MOMENT: Teaming up with a clown to steal a genie from the evil vizier and his bodyguard who inexplicably has the head of a dog.
6. The Secret of Monkey Island (Sega CD)
This was the only Sega CD game that was any good, ever. You are Guybrush Threepwood, a kid who wants to be a pirate. First, though, you must steal random items and hone your trash-talking skills so that you can win swordfights.
GREATEST MOMENT:
A pirate sits at the bar. He's
wearing a button that says, "ASK ME ABOUT LOOM".
You: Nice hat.
Pirate: Aye.
You: Some weather tonight, huh?
Pirate: Aye.
You: I can hold my breath for ten minutes.
Pirate: Aye.
You: So, tell me about LOOM.
Pirate: LOOM is a game of unmatched strategy, of
unbelievable plot twists, and of unparalleled graphics! For IBM
and compatibles with CD-ROM, and Sega CD. By Sierra
Enterprises. Available Fall 1994. Don't miss out!
You: I'll be seeing you, then.
Pirate: Aye.
7. RBI Baseball '93 (Sega Genesis)
This game was made in the heyday of baseball video games, before they reversed course from the general trend of video games and became viciously not fun. This was back in the day of being able to control your pitch after you threw it, and not having to wait ten seconds for the catcher to throw it back to the mound. It was furious, fast-paced action that you never see in baseball games anymore. There was no infield fly rule, so if there were runners on first and second and there was a popup, the fielder could score an instant triple play by faking like he was going to catch the ball, letting it drop, and throwing to the forceout at every base. It was tough to pull off, but if done right it was a beautiful thing.
Every hitter in major league baseball fell into three categories: the hapless skinny guy, the big burly power swinger, and the squatty little speedster. I'd like to note that the hapless skinny guy always showed up white, even if he were Sandy Alomar, Jr. Additionally, everyone who ran the bases automatically turned black, and the pitcher would always be white, so even Ramon Martinez looked like Orel Hershiser.
GREATEST MOMENT: Beaning Sid Bream every time he was up. Just for fun.
8. Rainbow Six 3: Raven Shield (PC)
I've got to include a new game to retain my gaming street cred. Besides being one of the best-looking games I've ever played, it's far and away the one that offers the best sense of realism. Perhaps its greatest strength, though, is its ability to offer heart-pounding action, while still requiring mental faculties.
GREATEST MOMENT: Rushing the camping faggots that stand behind the door and throw grenades at the entrance. and lighting them all the fuck up. Don't forget to type "pwned" afterward.
8. Mrs. Pac-Man (Arcade)
This was probably the first good video game ever made. It's so good that I just downloaded it on my cell phone, and it's still a fucking blast. I just can't play it while driving anymore; I get miscoordinated. When I saw a two-tone blue and white Eclipse on the road the other day I wrecked into it before it could turned red again. That's 200 easy points...off my license, that is.
WIT AND & WISDOM: Some frown upon this strategy, but I embrace it. Park near the Power Pills, wait till they're all almost on you, then snatch it up and eat them all. That little trick works in the sack too, guys, if you know what I mean. Yeah, neither do I.
GREATEST MOMENT: Eating that one dot.
10. Tetris (TI-89 calculator)
Tetris: awesome.
Calculator games: awesome.
Linking two calculators to play head-to-head Tetris: For everything else, use Mastercard.
fuck i messed up the joke
70% of my high school experience was spent riding the bus. The bastards at the Jefferson County Public School System decided that it was a good idea to draw the bus routes so that I was always the first kid to be picked up and the last kid to get off for three years in a row. So I spent that time on the bus hustling games of Tetris for money, which I used to pay for college. Then I decided to drop out of college because it was hard. In conclusion, Tetris is quiet a game.
GREATEST MOMENT: Sending that fat asshole on the bus three Tetrises in a row and making his calculator crash. Just because you weigh 280 pounds doesn't mean that God took pity on you and decided to make you smart, Pudgy.
Justin.
Hi guys! My name is
Justin, and for the unprecedented third time in a row I
am late with my submission I am not late with my
submission! It actually works out okay, though, because it
gives Jon an avenue to use his strikethrough gimmick because
I am a very punctual person. fuck wrong
strikethrough. wtf how do i get the strikethrough off this
is gay
1. Quake 3 (PC)
I don't enjoy games that require thought or
any other skill than the ability to use a mouse with speed and
precision.
2. DRUG DEALER
(TI-83 calculator)
When I was in high school I made
this awesome game. You were a drug dealer and you could
either buy drugs, sell drugs or do drugs. I didn't know how
to program equations so I just put in a For() loop that makes the
screen show up over and over. If you want it, e-mail me at klammy@progressiveboink.com and I'll gladly sell it to you cheap!!!
3. The CATCH
THE MONKEY AND WIN $20 game (a lot of great websites)
This game is kind of like chess in
that it takes only a few minutes to learn, but a lifetime to
master. But unlike chess, you can win $20! I hope
they give me one of the new $20 bills that look like Andrew
Jackson is in a straitjacket.
4. E.T. (Atari
2600)
This was the greatest action adventure game
of all time. It featured six different screens, sound
effects, and even the ability to move around!
5. Gran Turismo
5 (PS3)
I haven't actually played this game since
it's not out yet but my friend Todd's uncle works for Sony and he
got to play it and he says it's really fun.
6. Mouse Trap
This game takes like forever to set
up, but it's worth it!
7. Serious Sam
(PC)
Another classic first-person shooter
game. It's awesome because you spend the whole game
shooting zombies and monsters while running backwards.
8. Snake (cell
phone)
My favorite technique for picking up
women is to show them that I own a cellular phone, then play
Snake and make countless allusions to my penis.
9. Sewer Shark
(Sega CD)
This was the first game to make you
feel like you were really in a movie. That's because it
really was a movie, only you moved a cursor around and clicked
different things to kill them. It was even better than
Quake because it moves around for you instead of you having to do
it.
10. The new
Staind CD
...It's really good...
(lol inside joke! All the forum ppl get it!!!!)