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As you probably know, the careers of Britney Spears,
Justin Timberlake, J.C. Chasez & Christina Aguilera can all
be traced back to a single source... the All New Mickey Mouse Club.
The show used the adjectives All & New to make it clear that
it was not the same as the earlier failures to keep the idea on
the air, but a completely independent attempt to cash in on the
success of You Can't Do That On Television. All of those pop stars
became famous well after they left the show, but before their windows
were opened, a door happened to be closed. It's often forgotten
that Disney actually tried putting a pop group together on their
own in the early '90s. With that, I give you the rise & fall
of The Party.
WELCOME TO FANTASY POP GROUP ONLINE!
By using Fantasy Pop Group Online or other Mike
Fireball services ("Mike Fireball Services"), you agree
to be bound by the following terms and conditions ("Terms And
Conditions").
-
Your fantasy pop group ("Fantasy Pop
Group") will be compiled of overacting drama club kids
("Mouseketeers") that will sing, dance & act on
television ("Television").
-
And by acting, I mean reciting lines out
into the audience while sharply nodding their heads every couple
of words.
-
Do YOU believe in FAIRIES?
You ALL better start CLAPPING, because if I HAVE
to KEEP nodding my HEAD like THIS, it's
gonna FALL right OFF!
Welcome, The Walt Disney Company circa 1955!
Please choose five (5) members for your fantasy
pop group roster.
- ANNETTE FUNICELLO
- ANNETTE FUNICELLO
- ANNETTE FUNICELLO
- ANNETTE FUNICELLO
- ANNETTE FUNICELLO'S BOOBS
ERROR!
Your account has been suspended because all of the episodes of your
television series are starting to center around one frigging chick.
ERROR!
Your account has been suspended because no one's even watching this,
dude.
Welcome, The Walt Disney Company circa 1989!
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HOWARD'S SUPER
SECRET POWER TIP:
The Mickey Mouse Club of the 1950s failed, because it started
to center around the same frigging chick. Use diversity in
choosing the members of your pop group. And make sure you
include as many stereotypes as possible, so it at least looks
like you're being P.C. |
Please choose five (5) members for your fantasy
pop group roster.
- LOUD CRAZY ITALIAN GUY
- ASIAN GIRL
- BLACK DUDE
- REDHEADED OKIE
- CHEERLEADER
PLEASE WAIT WHILE WE HOLD A
CONTEST TO LET THE
KIDS AT HOME GIVE YOUR NEW POP GROUP A NAME...
Ashley from Nevada suggests:
THE MMC FIVE
Jimmy from Pennsylvania suggests:
THE HEARDSMEN
Christine from Texas suggests:
THE NEWER KIDS ON THE BLOCK, OOH BURRRRN!
Billy from Florida suggests:
THE LAKE BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB
Katie from Minnesota suggests:
SYNCHRONIZED WITH EACH OTHER
Intern from Shoebox Greeting Cards suggests:
ANOTHER YEAR OLDER? SAGGING BOOBS LOL! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Jon from Virginia suggests::
RUN FOREST RUN!!!!!!
Mac from New York suggests:
THE PARTY
A winner was obviously The Party. It was already
the buzz word of the ALL NEW & TOTALLY DIFFERENT, SERIOUSLY
YOU GUYS Mickey Mouse Club. Sure, Party Day was only on Thursdays,
but that's all anybody ever did in the '80s & early '90s anyway.
Think about it. Kid & Play had like four House PARTIES. Michaelangelo
was a PARTY dude. Scott Wolf was the hunk on PARTY of Five. Eddie
Murphy PARTIED All The Time. Mark fused with some giant mutant bird
thing in Monster PARTY. George Bush won the Presidency for the Republican
PARTY. I should really shut up & get this PARTY started by introducing
the group.
What are the names of the members of your pop group?
 1.
Damon!
Damon was the party dude of The Party, &
his tenure in the band was probably the only time Damon ever
CAME OUT OF HIS SHELL of always playing the loud, crazy guy.
Actually, no it wasn't. He was still the guy in the middle
of verses who would go "Yeah!" and "Mm-hmm!"
... and later, "Damn!" and "Hell yeah!"
That's probably why Damon was the first one to leave The Party.
He wanted to have an unDisneylike potty mouth.
Damon would eventually be cast in a Saturn
commercial as the loud, crazy guy, & later in a Mastercard
commercial, where he broke personal ground by playing a loud,
crazy guy. |
 2.
Tiffini!
Tiffini made it into The Party for two reasons.
#1. She was on her way to becoming the next Annette Funicello
by appearing in like every sketch, and #2. Disney wanted guys
to listen to The Party as well.
Tiffini grew up on the island of Barbados,
where she said "TV was restricted to four hours a day."
Is that true, or was did her parents just not want her to
turn into a couch potato? And if so, how come they let her
audition for a show that would be watched by other Disney-loving
couch potatoes? And why did they spell her name with three
I's? That's practically asking your kid to say the word "like"
about 6 times per thought. |
 3.
Albert!
Before Albert became a Mouseketeer, he was
known as the lead singer of the band in that movie Vice Versa.
You know, the one with Fred Savage that you think Freaky Friday
ripped off, until you remember that there was an original
movie called Freaky Friday that Vice Versa had actually ripped
off first, & then boy, don't you feel like an idiot.
After The Party disbanded, Albert put out
a solo rap album that reportedly sounded like Curtis Mayfield
meets Dr. Dre. He released it under his middle name, Jeune,
just in case anyone found out that he was Albert from The
Party. Then again, Dre actually produced some of The Party's
songs, & nobody questions his authority. Except in regards
to Eminem. |
 4.
DeeDee!
Yup, that's Miss Saigon, alright. Asian joke?
What Asian joke?! I was being serious. After The Party, DeeDee
went on to play the lead in Miss Saigon for more performances
than any other actress ever.
Also after The Party, DeeDee played the Asian
chick in Sister Act 2, & the Asian chick in As The World
Turns. Look, I've got nothing else on DeeDee, ok? Luv &
Smooches!
|
 5.
Chase!
Chase is short for Chasen, which makes it
look like his parents didn't want him to be the only kid in
school without a shorter, hipper nickname. That's worse than
naming your kid John with the intention of calling him Jack.
Chase was just a good-natured redhead from
Oklahoma until someone in Disney's make-up department became
determined to make his head look like Gumby's. With all that
crap in his hair, not only does Chase have the most flammable
head of The Party, but you'd also notice it the least if his
hair really did catch fire. |
Unfortunately for Disney, they were just
a little too late to cash in on the success of New Kids On The Block,
& a little too early to cash in on the success of the Backstreet
Boys. Thus, The Party called it quits in 1993, after quickly putting
together a 4th album. In other shocking news, The Party released
four frigging albums. And now, I give you the only reason I even
wrote this page... two actual songs from The Party's debut album.
I
Found Love
(Windows Media Audio, 1.62 mb)
This song is sung by either Tiffini or DeeDee,
with either DeeDee or Tiffini doing the backup vocals, & Damon
occasionally chiming in with a stupid interjection. Some people
think The Party didn't make it because it wasn't the right time.
Others think it was because Damon quit. Personally, I think it's
because this song isn't very good.
I
Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
(Windows Media Audio, 1.67 mb)
This song was the only one I even remembered The
Party doing, because it was the one totally obscure song I wanted
to cover if I ever joined a pop-punk band that got signed to Fearless
Records. Chase sings lead in this one, while the rest of the group
shouts "Hey! You!" during the chorus.
ERROR!
Your account has been suspended because your pop group's songs are
terrible. Also, Damon keeps trying to say bad words. Tell him to
knock it off, or we'll make him ride the Happy Magical Brainwashing
Machine It's A Small World again.
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