Pam
Sometimes I feel like roadkill on
the information superhighway!

Posts: 246

Today I was at work and I found this note sitting on the break room table.

What does it mean you guys?

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 15674

ooh.

"Don't Do it
She have 3 Kids"

That's really eerie. Should we call the police or something?

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 11241

Let's do a story contest!

Pam
Sometimes I feel like roadkill on
the information superhighway!

Posts: 246

Yeah, story contest! Yayyy! Me first!

One time there was a little girl named Pam. Pam and her friend, Matthew H. the Horse (the H stood for Horse) went to the school. They decided, school was boring, so they went to the meadow to play. Pam rode her horse Matthew H. for hours! They found a note that said "Don't Do it She have 3 Kids". "What does this mean?" Pam exclaimed. "I don't know!" suddenlied Matthew H. They followed the clues and found Helen the Horse, who was Matthew H.'s mom. She was sitting on top of newspaper. She was having 3 horse puppies! They came out and started playing with each other, and one of them licked Pam in the face. "I think I'll take you home!" she said. They went home with her, and it turned out, they were super genius puppies on top of being cute! Pam sat at her desk in her room. "Oh, I'll never figure out long division!" she said. "And the boys and girls at school all think I'm fat. They call me Ham instead of Pam!" "Don't worry" said the puppies. They taught her long division.

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 8745

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A NOTE THAT SAID "DONT DO IT SHE HAVE 3 KIDS". SUDDENLY IT WAS UNCLE MUD! "HOW DO YOU INTEND TO HARM THESE CHILDREN ABOUT" SAYS UNCLE MUD, THE GUY WHO SCRIBBLED THE NOTE SCRIBBLED OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND STARTED TO PUNCH UNCLE MUD. MURRAY NOTICED WHO WAS THE GENTLEMAN; IT WAS THE MAN WHO KEPT MAILING HIM ELECTRIC BILLS

MURRAY SAID "I'LL SAVE YOU UNCLE MUD" AND GREW FEATHERY WINGS AND FLEW HIM INTO SAFETY

"WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE WE" SAID UNCLE MUD; MURRAY SAID "WE ARE IN GREENLAND WHERE YOU AIN'T HAVE TO PAY ELECTRIC"

THEN NOAM CHOMPSKY SHOWED UP WITH A GIANT FORK AND KNIFE TO BE CONTINUED

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 11241

Frank was a mass murderer. He had to keep everything inside, but in front of this blue Post-It note and pencil, it all spilled out. He was a bomb expert. His newest target was some lady he worked with. His conscience came out just long enough to write him a reminder: "Don't do it She have 3 Kids". Then his dark side took over. He set his bomb for 3 minutes: "The same 3 minutes you gave me when I tried to ask you out at the school prom in 1989!" He went to her house and put the bomb under her family's house. "There are going to be bloody heads everywhere tonight," he scowled.

But Jim Wilson, who everybody called "Ricky" for fun, knew something was up. He looked under his neighbor's house, and sure enough he saw the bomb. He knew it was a dangerous situation, and he could only trust one man to help him.

"Hello." Ricky was encompassed in shadow. It was Ray, or Ron for short. "You need help?"

"Does a bullfrog croak?"

"Yep." Ron smiled wryly. "Here. I'll crawl under the porch and you grab me by my feet."

So Jim (Ricky) held Ron's feet. "On my mark. Go!" Ron went straight for the gusto, and disabled the bomb. "Now it's time to find out whoever made this bomb. But that's another chapter."

Ricky sighed in relief. The lady came out of the house, and Ricky explained what had happened. "Oh dear!" she said. "It's been hard lately. I just got divorced, and now there was a bomb under my house! Jeez!" She started to cry.

Ricky gave her a hug. "Don't cry. Only being a good neighbor." The lady reached in for a kiss, but Ricky turned away. "No...no. It wouldn't be right. Relationships based on life or death circumstances never last." "Okay..." she said, but you could tell she wanted to go out with him. Ricky tipped his cap, and she went inside.

"Whew. Some day, huh?"

"Yeah. Hey, you want to come over to my house? We can have an all-night Monopoly tournament."

Ricky gave Ron a really solid slap on the back. "Only if I can be banker."

They would have walked out into the sunset, but it was a cloudy day. Oh well, nothing's ever perfect. Sometimes you've got to make lemonade with your lemons.

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 9415

oh god you guys get more and more horrible each passing day

Will? You're the only one here I don't actively hate. How about you write something?

no...

no not today youngfolk

too much a burden here; too much evil

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 15674

What's the matter, Will?

Registered: January 15, 2026
Posts: 8745

PART 2

NOAM CHOMPSKY FLAILT AT UNCLE MUD, HE SAID "I'M AM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE" AND GROUND HIS KNIFE AND FORK TOGETHER HORRIBLY

UNCLE MUD SAID "YEAH RIGHT YOU SOCIALIST"

"NOOOOOOOO", MR. CHOMPSKY STARTED TO CRUMPLE APART LIKE THE TENANTS OF SOCIALISM JUST LIKE UNCLE MUD ALWAYS SPOKE ABOUT, HIS ARM FELL OFF

THE END