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I was born in a video store on January 16th, 1980. My
Mother was the manager. She laid back on the counter, spread her legs, and plopped me and
the placenta right out there beside the cash register and VHS copies of "Raging
Bull." So began my love affair with cinema; the characters, the moments, and the
quotes. And it gave my Dad a really hilarious and ironic chance to ask everyone in the
room if they fucked his wife.
On January 17th, 1980, I began meticulously watching every movie I could get my hands on,
starting with easy fare like Fellini's "Amarcord" and moving on to more
complicated concepts like that movie "Baby" where teens discover a dinosaur. On
my first birthday I declared that if I could make it to age 25 without slaughtering myself
during nightsleep for having watched "Baby" that I would compile a comprehensive
list of the best movie quotes of all-time, taking into consideration all aspects of
fanhood. From Chewbaccic-factoid nerd-asses to film snobs and down all the way to people
who remember the eighties, I would stand back and objectively judge the movie quips and
questions that defined our lives, explained our civilization, and were just plain good God
damned writing.
I wanted the list to be more than just my favorites. I wanted to include lines I can't
even appreciate. I wanted to grow into it, learn from it, and teach with it. I want people
to know that I have the capacity to enjoy "8 1/2" and "Disney's The Country
Bears" equally, but without stupid redneck justification that would somehow group
them on the same plane of existence. I love movies. I have seen probably all of them.
Except for "Shark Tale." I'll leave that one up to you.
I hope you can read these and understand why they made the list. You'll see obscure
dialogue from unnamed tertiary characters right alongside summer movie catchphrases, and I
think that's the way it should be. We should force ourselves to admit when things are
important or worthy, even if they suck shit. Because a lot of times Gov Anold saying
"GET TO THE CHOPPAH" is going to be important to somebody, even if they should
probably be kneedropped into a spaceship and blasted off to Planet Retard. If you haven't
seen the movie quoted, seek it out. Watch it. Love it, or hate it. But feel something.
I tried to make this as unbiased as possible. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to
you...two quotes from wrestling movies and ninety-some from Kurosawa! ENJOY.
 P-Boi mini-list
1: 1. Raul Julia as M. Bison, "Street Figher" (1994) 2. Ben Stiller as Tony Perkis, "Heavyweights" (1995) 3. Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond, "Sunset Boulevard" (1950) 4. Ted Neeley as Jesus Christ, "Jesus Christ Superstar" (1973) 5. Sylvester Stallone as Lincoln Hawk,
"Over the Top" (1987) |
100. "Something wrong, Colonel? Did you come here prepared to fight a madman...and instead you found... A GOD?" - M. Bison, "Street Fighter" (1994)
99. "My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice, right now." - Clementine Kruczynski, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (2004)
98. "You've only been in 'Seventeen' once and you looked fat! So stop acting like you're goddamn Christy Turlington!" - Playground Girl #2, "American Beauty" (1999)
97. "It's not a tumor!" - Detective John Kimble, "Kindergarten Cop" (1990)
96. "My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks." - Alvy Singer, "Annie Hall" (1977)
95. "Here I was born, and there I died. It was only a moment for you; you took no notice." - Madeleine Elster, "Vertigo" (1958)
94. "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be' - she always called me Elwood - 'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me." - Elwood P. Dowd, "Harvey" (1950)
93. "There are some who call me... Tim." - Tim the Enchanter, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975)
92. "Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!" - King Mongkut of Siam, "The King and I" (1956)
91. "Where's your messiah now?" - Dathan, "The Ten Commandments" (1956)
 P-Boi mini-list 2: 1. Drew Barrymore as Casey Roberts, "Mad Love" (1995) 2. Rachael Leigh Cook as Josie McCoy, "Josie and the Pussycats" (2001) 3. Donna Reed as Mary Bailey, "It's a Wonderful Life" (1946) 4. Rita Hayworth as Gilda, "Gilda" (1946) 5. Sheri Moon as Baby Firefly,
"House of 1,000 Corpses" (1993) |
90. "We like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit." - Baby Firefly, "House of 1000 Corpses" (2003)
89. "From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Ye damned whale." - Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick" (1956)
88. "...Medium? Why sir, did you now know that for a mere 25 cents more you can purchase a large beverage? And you know... I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends: Medium is really only for suckers who don't know the concept of value." - Enid Coleslaw, "Ghost World" (2000)
87. "I must know everything. I must penetrate the heart of his secret! I must become Caligari!" - Dr. Caligari, "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" (1920)
86. "Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!" - Dave the Lighting Guy, "Orgazmo" (1997)
85. "You are the first woman on the first day of creation. You are mother, sister, lover, friend, angel, devil, earth, home." - Marcello Rubini, "La Dolce vita" (1960)
84. "Do not concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory." - Lee, "Enter the Dragon" (1973)
 P-Boi
mini-list 3: 1. Morgan Freeman as Joe Clark, "Lean on Me" (1989) 2. Paul Gleason as Richard Vernon, "The Breakfast Club" (1985) 3. Jeffrey Jones as Ed Rooney, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (1986) 4. Eve Arden as Principal McGee, "Grease 2" (1982) 5. Jim Belushi as Rick Latimer,
"The Principal" (1987) |
83. "Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet!" - Jack Robin, "The Jazz Singer" (1927)
82. "Some motherfuckers always trying to ice skate uphill." - Blade, "Blade" (1998)
81. "I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it." - Shug Avery, "The Color Purple" (1985)
80. "We accept you, one of us! Gooble Gobble!" - Freaks, "Freaks" (1932)
79. "I don't have to do nothin' but stay black and die!" - Joe Clark, "Lean on Me" (1989)
78. "He's the American shit head who makes tricks with bricks!" - Hiro, "Bloodsport" (1988)
77. "I see dead people." - Cole Sear, "The Sixth Sense" (1999)
76. "Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate." - Craig Schwartz, "Being John Malkovich" (1999)
75. "I'll be back." - The Terminator, "The Terminator" (1984)
74. "I am nobody's little weasel." - Amelie Poulain, "Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain" (2001)
 P-Boi mini-list 4: 1. Peter O'Toole as T.E. Lawrence, "Lawrence of Arabia" (1962) 2. Lon Chaney Jr. as Lawrence Talbot aka The Wolf Man, "The Wolf Man" (1941) 3. Jeff Cohen as Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen, "The Goonies" (1985) 4. Sandra Dee as Frances "Gidget" Lawrence, "Gidget" (1959) 5. Jeff Daniels as Col. Joshua Lawrence
Chamberlain, "Gettysburg" (1993) |
73. "The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts." - T.E. Lawrence, "Lawrence of Arabia" (1962)
72. "It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." - Paul Varjak, "Breakfast at Tiffany's" (1961)
71. "Sometimes, I guess there's just not enough rocks." - Forrest Gump, "Forrest Gump" (1994)
70. "Then you have a responsibility that no man has ever faced. You have your fear which could become reality, and you have Godzilla, which is reality." - Hideto Ogata, "Godzilla" (1954)
69. "Then let us be rid of it... once and for all. Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you." - Samwise Gamgee, "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" (2003)
68. "He's... Just a... Kid. No older than my son." - Man on Train, "Spider-Man 2" (2004)
67. "Pino, fuck you, fuck your fuckin' pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra." - Mookie, "Do the Right Thing" (1989)
66. "The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray." - Jerry Maguire, "Jerry Maguire" (1996)
65. "Excuse me while I whip this out." - Bart, "Blazing Saddles" (1974)
 P-Boi mini-list 5: 1. Pat Welsh as E.T., "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial" (1982) 2. Chistopher Reeve as Superman, "Superman" (1979) 3. Lock Martin as Gort, "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (1951) 4. Bolaji Bodejo as Alien, "Alien" (1979) 5. Paul Reubens as Max, "Flight
of the Navigator" (1986) |
64. "You must be dead, because I don't know how to feel. I can't feel anything anymore." - Elliot, "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial" (1982)
63. "Also, I don't like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. And I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you." - Francis "Psycho" Soyer, "Stripes" (1981)
62. "I must break you." - Ivan Drago, "Rocky IV" (1985)
61. "No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." - Rhett Butler, "Gone with the Wind" (1939)
60. "You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus." - Jesus Quintana, "The Big Lebowski" (1998)
59. "They're coming to get you, Barbara!" - Johnny, "Night of the Living Dead" (1968)
58. "At my signal, unleash Hell." - Maximus, "Gladiator" (2000)
57. "Each, in its own way, was unforgettable. It would be difficult to -- Rome! By all means, Rome. I will cherish my visit here in memory as long as I live." - Princess Ann, "Roman Holiday" (1953)
 P-Boi
mini-list 6: 1. Bengt Ekerot as Death, "The Seventh Seal" (1957) 2. John Cleese as Grim Reaper, "The Meaning of Life" (1983) 3. William Sadler as Grim Reaper, "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey" (1991) |
56. "Father is a florist. Okay?" - Mei, "My Neighbor Totoro" (1988)
55. "I don't think there's one word that can describe a mans life." - Charles Foster Kane, "Citizen Kane" (1941)
54. "I met Death today. We are playing chess." - Antonius Block, "The Seventh Seal" (1957)
53. "The power of Christ compels you!" - Fathers Merrin and Karras, "The Exorcist" (1973)
52. "Attica! Attica!" - Sonny Wortzik, "Dog Day Afternoon" (1975)
51. "If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut." - Hattori Hanzo, "Kill Bill volume 1" (2003)