Hey do you remember my video game?
Being a child is kind of like being a sponge. As
you grow and listen, you pick up on just about everything you see
and hear. A lot of your parents' tastes end up adopted as your own.
Such is my love for the cartoon "Popeye." I can't seem
to explain it any other way. With two parents that loved the cartoon,
I was exposed to it at a very young age. Why an ugly, bald sailor
with a speech impediment appealed to me as a toddler is beyond my
own comprehension. I know it took root then because in one of those
baby books my mother wrote that one of my first words was 'Popeye.'
This, for some reason, came the day after I knocked over a ten pound
bag of rice into the kitchen floor of our apartment. I can probably
blame liking spinach on Popeye too, as well as chewing it loudly
like his son, Mike Fireball.
SALUTE ++
As anyone who knows me well knows, I also happen
to be quite the fan of the fabled Nintendo Entertainment System.
Once my attention and hand-eye coordination had advanced past playing
Duck hunt with the light gun pressed right to the screen, I became
an avid player. With a large selection at the local video store,
I had the chance to play more than just the Mario/Duck Hunt game
that came with our system. Picking out a video game to rent for
the weekend was a big deal for me since it was the one major piece
of entertainment I had a chance to pick out all on my own. Imagine
my enthusiasm when I saw the box for the game of a cartoon that
I've loved, through my parents, since I was able to have enough
concentration to watch spurts of television.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the object of my affection:
I'm sure my excitement at the time is what gave
me such a strong and lasting appreciation for the game. After playing
it again recently, some of the charm had obviously worn off. Maybe
this game wasn't as fun as I remembered. Or maybe I'm just jaded
as far as game quality. I think because of its nostalgia I will
always enjoy the game in some way, but looking back I wonder, was
this game really even necessary?
Why a video game about Popeye in 1982? The table
tennis and monstrous insect market had been tackled, but surely
there must have been more options than an old cartoon. One guess
would be that the game was spawned from the Popeye movie, starring
Patch Adams with pink eye and prosthetic arms. The main problem
with this is that the movie was made in 1980. While I understand
that the game may not have been as quickly developed as something
of that style would be now, but it’s not like they had to
train a team of monkeys to sit inside of the cabinet and hit buttons
and re-enact the movements with puppets. With a two-year gap between
the movie release and the video game release, I think I’ll
have to be a bit subjective and not associate the two.
The question still stands, though. And most of
all, why would a Japanese company be interested in Popeye? There
are far more popular cartoons and cartoon characters out there to
choose from. One could say that they wanted to go for a character
that was instantly recognizable. Maybe it was a matter of copyrights.
Maybe it was personal choice of the game developers.
Or maybe it was revenge.
Popeye: The Anti-Pine Tree
In its heyday, like the rest of the cartoons made
during the World War II, Popeye happened to tackle the subject of
war, him being a sailor and all. After viewing some cartoons from
the period I've found one undeniable thing: Popeye liked killing
Japanese people. A lot. So much so that even in cartoons where he
is not at war, his nephews inquire about his death toll.
I am of Asian descent. As a joke I have urinated in your soft
drink.
I suppose that is a bit of a stretch. Making a
bad game as revenge for racist cartoons produced during wartime
seems a bit much. The cartoons and the game are at least two generations
apart, so unless there was a very vindictive family behind that
game's creation the idea of revenge is no longer plausible. Plus,
Disney made propaganda for the US army in World War II and we still
got our Mousecapades. And Warner Bros. had just as many, if not
more, racist cartoons and Bugs Bunny still got his Crazy Castle.
But really, what could the link possibly be? Why did the first game
made after a cartoon have to be Popeye? After some careful consideration,
I think I may know.
Olive Oyl is secretly Japanese.
I know this may seem a bit of a stretch as well, but hear me out.
I've cited three main reasons:
1. Body Type
Flied lice?
She is built like a stereotypical Japanese girl.
Her chest and shoulders are built like a young boy. She even has
the lanky arms and legs. Perhaps you may need to picture her in
a sailor uniform and with some sort of buxom friend whom she can
magically transform with into crime fighters in order to see it.
Also, note the black hair tied into a bun. The way her hair is bunched
on the sides is very similar to the hairstyle that geisha wear.
THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.
2. Mode of Transportation
Hanna-Barbera Presents: Wacky Races
Obviously in the days before giant robot fighting
machines and sexy, sleek motorcycles, a car with shoes instead of
wheels might have been pretty high tech. Sure, it may not have been
able to fly yet, but she obviously made it herself. Like all Japanese
people, SHE IS A TECHNOLOGICAL GENIUS.
Olive Oyl was also very good at math. Another important
note: Olive is not a good driver. She drives likes this little Chinese
lady who used to come into the gas station I worked at. We were
always afraid that she was going to end up doing something that
would kill us all. There were multiple times when she nearly backed
into the gas pumps and I swear to God that one time she hit the
building. She also used to tip with candy bars. In short, Asian
women are not good drivers a joke by Don Rickles.
3. Olive Oyl was Popeye's concubine
When Pinkerton-san went away, I named my baby Swee'pea
Sadness
This is where the hairstyle begins to make sense.
Olive Oyl is Popeye's concubine. We've already seen his hatred for
them slant-eye sumsabitches, so what better way to add insult to
injury that to take back one of their women to America and make
them your bride? Throughout the cartoon series, Popeye is never
outwardly affectionate towards Olive. He does indeed rescue her,
but only when Bluto threatens to take away his property. Olive is
rather weak and demure, once more acting as a stereotype. She is
always very doting towards Popeye and outwardly shows her adoration
for him. Though this wanes because of her Americanization, it still
seems to be an ever-present theme.
An interesting fact to consider is that there are
missing episodes of Olive performing a tea ceremony and bowing a
lot.
Good, I finally found my link. Now I can sleep
at night. The pieces are finally falling into place and now I can
take a look at the game with my eyes opened.
Or in Olive Oyl's case, slightly shut, as her eyes
are secretly smaller than ours and almond shaped.
Nintendo goes all out for its title screens.
That game itself is set up in the traditional arcade
game style with its two modes of play. A for average and B=Best!!11
In two-player mode, this was another one of those games where you
never wanted to play with someone that NEVER DIED as the game would
continue to play on until the player's demise. It's like playing
Super Mario Bros. I'm on Level 8-2 after going through level by
level and my cousin is busy throwing his controller against the
screen because he had to be Luigi and wait.
The game play is fairly simple. Go through the
levels, collect the different tokens (hearts, musical notes, letters
that spell 'HELP') and avoid Bluto. Or if you decide to equal best
exclamation exclamation one one, the Sea Hag is added in for extra
effect. She throws skulls at you because she is xhardcorex.
I died getting this stupid screen cap. I hope you're happy.
Popeye moves through the levels collecting the
tokens. The higher up they are caught, the higher the score, blah
blah blah. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T LET THEM GET WET.
Gizmo CA-CA
Bluto is preparing to jump down and steal my lunch money.
Apparently Olive's physical embodiment of love
for Popeye is water-soluble. Once the tokens touch the water, they
start blinking and music that sounds like Tchaikovski's heart palpitations
starts playing. And if you let them dissolve, you die. Olive only
has so much love to give, I guess.
I'll never let go, Jack
If you manage to get through the levels and collect
all of your tokens without Bluto touching you or punching you in
the pixilated sac from a floor below, you get the dubious pleasure
of advancing to the next level. Just don't let your excitement overcome
you. There are only three level set-ups. What did you expect? Side
scrolling screens and mushrooms?
I see Popeye is a Marlon Brando fan, because all of these levels
are ON THE WATERFRONT LOL
Though there may not be any mushrooms, there is
one power-up to speak of - Spinach. Like there was going to be something
associated with Popeye where he wasn't jamming leafy-green goodness
down his crooked jowls. Just like the game, it has simple mechanics.
Step 1: Approach the Spinach
Step 2: Punch the can and then contract rosacea
Step 3: Use Popeye's equivalent of the big white dot to chase
Bluto around the screen until you rub up against him and send him
sailing across the screen.
That is the Popeye game. There really isn't much
to it other than that.
It just goes on and on until you either die, or
get bored and turn off your system. Despite the fact that I will
always have fond memories of concentrating SO HORD while my tongue
stuck out of the corner of my mouth as I tried to collect all of
the hearts in level one, this really isn't that great of a game.
What else can be said about Popeye?
I couldn't have put it better myself.
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