Depending on who you'll ask, Alfie recieved either top billing as "My Brother" or secondary credit as "Me". Having been cast directly from one of those Feed the Children commercials they'd air regularly during daytime TV, he'd find artistic motivation in being promised basic human necessities such as clean water and a polio vaccine upon the successful completion of a scene. His role on the show consisted of treating his little brother like absolute shit for 20 minutes before realizing the error of his ways and proving that despite their minor tiffs and quibbles, brothers stick together to the end and can always resolve any differences they may have over a friendly game of Fuzzie Wuzzie.

Most episodes focusing primarilly on Alfie centered around his inherent tendancy to be a complete asshole with no working concept of what it meant to be a team player. After being cut by the basketball team for making Kobe look like a regular Passing Pete, for instance, he spends the remainder of the episode sulking like a little bitch and failing to accept the fact that he'd be playing if he weren't such a ball hogging douche. Sure, in the end he resolves to try again next season with a reinvigorated sense of propriety, but its not like I'm going to forgive a guy for slaughtering a puppy just because he decides to go vegan afterward.

Dee Dee looked like what would happen if you beat Taj Mowry's face in with a shovel and glued a Brillo pad to his head. He's that one gullible kid we all knew growing up who'd fall for anything you'd feed them no matter how ridiculous it may have sounded. You could tell them that the world's most delicious chocolate came directly from a cat's asshole, so they'd grab a spoon and head directly for the litterbox. You'd laugh for a while, but as the kid persisted in shoveling down bite after bite of cat shit, you'd just feel bad on account of his being such a fucking dunce.

Despite there being an established comic book store the kids would hang out at, after running away from home Dee Dee chose to hide out at school. What the fuck? I doubt anybody felt bad for him after that bull-dyke bounced him like a bad Welfare check in the show's final episode.

One of the cardinal rules of scripted comedy states that no matter how popular the lead character may be, under absolutely no circumstance should they ever have more than one recurring friend at a time. Will had Jazz, JT had Richie, Corey had Shawn, DJ had Kimmy and Alfie had Goo. There are of course exceptions to the rule which I'll take time to outline before moving on, but for the most part this manifesto is written in stone.

Along with being Alfie's best friend, Goo was as close to an antagonist as the show ever had. Most of the problems Alfie and Dee Dee found themselves facing usually came as a direct result of Goo's machinations. Despite being nothing more than a blatant Eddie Haskell ripoff, Goo will forever be remembered by young and old alike for Goo Punch; a drink featuring his likeness after an apparent mishap with a stick of Willy Wonka's three-course gum.

Secondary Players

Dee Dee's two friends. Harry's role on the show was to remind us of how lame white people actually are in comparison to the brothers and the sisters. We drive like this, y'see. Donnel will go down in the annuls of history for his memorable catchphrase "DON'T HOLD YOUR BREFFFFFFF," which upon being uttered would drench the home viewer in a veritable tidal wave of saliva. After a few episodes most of us wised up and kept a towel on hand, just in case.

As the older sister, Melanie was around to make snide comments about how "BOYS SURE CAN BE A DRAG," and, "ANYTHING MEN CAN DO WOMEN CAN DO BETTER!" She'd probably burn her training bra if her chest weren't as concave as Sephiroth's northern crater.

Six's black counterpart. She was also the primary benefactor of the Ugly Funky Foot Fund.

Despite an initial run of only thirteen episodes, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary to find Nickelodeon devoting over half of its allocated weekend programming time to airing "My Brother and Me" reruns ad nauseum. I'm relatively sure this was due to some joint scam being perpetrated by both Nickelodeon and the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports in an attempt to bore kids into going outside and getting some exercise. That or they had some binding obligation to air a twelve hour minimum of minority themed programming, and since in 1994 "Cousin Skeeter" wasn't yet a sparkle in the NAACP's collective asshole, they were pretty limited on options.

Speaking of the NAACP; "My Brother and Me" was actually presented with two image awards for excellence in African-American programming. Both of which came in the years following the show's demise. I guess a show can win an Image award and still be painfully insulting so long as it insults everyone and not just black people..As is evident by the fact that years later they'd helm a campaign to pull the greatest concept in recorded history off the air after only three episodes.

Sometimes it isn't even worth getting out of bed in the morning.