Ghaleon: Ahh! Holy Jesus, kill it!

Tonberry: Please--

Tonberry: Please stop that.

Ghaleon: Wow, it can talk.

Tonberry: Quite. Look, I've been sent here because you--

Tonberry: Stop that. I've been sent here because it's time to acknowledge your flailing concept and introduce a new character to add more possibilities to the dialog. I'm Leonardo DiCaprio to your season 7 of Growing Pains.

Ghaleon: I see. So what is it you do here exactly?

Tonberry: Sit here and make sarcastic remarks about everything you say and do.

Ghaleon: Well you interrupted me as I was describing via various innuendos how I would like to have sex with a fictional video game character.

Tonberry: Not gonna have to strain myself for this one.

Ghaleon: What? Don't act like you never thought about it.

Tonberry: Well, I was always a Zelda man myself.. *cough* But that's unimportant. No one wants to read your pervy little diatribes. You've got to think of something else.

Ghaleon: Fine, fine.. But I don't have anything else. I've gone through pretty much.. Wait! I've got it! Follow me!

Ghaleon: Damn, no UGO check.

Tonberry: This was your big idea? Checking your mail? Were you planning a Ghaleon Reviews His Water Bill article I'm not aware of?

Ghaleon: Look, I don't have a lot of options here. You could be more supportive.

Tonberry: Okay, I am entirely confident in your ability to fail spectacularly.

Ghaleon: Thanks. Say, what's that behind you?

Ghaleon: Hey, a package! All right! Help me get this thing inside.

Tonberry: That's what she said.

Ghaleon: You take your job very seriously.

Ghaleon: This is so cool, it could be anything. Do they ship cash UPS?

Tonberry: Only if you sign for it. So what's the word?

Ghaleon: It's.. it's...

Ghaleon: Soda! No tap water for me tonight!

Tonberry: Are you joking? Who the hell would send you soda?

Ghaleon: Eh, I enter some sweepstakes from time to time, occassionally I win a little something. It's like playing the lottery for people too poor to buy a ticket.

Tonberry: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Is that all you won?

Ghaleon: No, of course not. I also got a free sticker.

Ghaleon: Damn straight.

Tonberry: It'll look great on the back of your bicycle.

Ghaleon: Bicycle? You think I'm made of money?

Let's see, here.. Bawls Guarana Soft Drink. Never heard of it. Have you?

Tonberry: I don't even know what a Guarana is.

Ghaleon: Neither do I. Well, I suppose if they sell this stuff legally it can't kill me. I'll give it a shot.

Tonberry: You're going to drink it warm?

Ghaleon: I'm not waiting an extra five hours to finish this damned thing. My stories are almost on. Down the hatch!

Tonberry: I'm going to borrow your computer for a minute.

Ghaleon: Just don't open the folder called "Ghaleon's Personal Files."

Tonberry: Wow, I didn't even know Nall had genitalia.

Ghaleon: Dammit, I said DON'T open it.

Tonberry: Wow, that's quite a bit of condensation right out of the box. What a high-class production this is. Verdict?

Ghaleon: Ugh. It's like there's a party in my mouth, but everyone got washed away because I drank liquid dog shit.

Tonberry: Hmmm.

Ghaleon: "Hmmm"? What "hmmm"? There should be no "hmmm."

Tonberry: "The Guarana berry contains a naturally-occurring form of caffeine which is 2.5 times stronger than the caffeine found in coffee, tea, and soft drinks. In the United States Guarana holds a GRAS-status (Generally Regarded As Safe). However, as with any other form of caffeine, individuals with heart problems or high blood-pressure should use caution when consuming large quantities of Guarana." I really should've stacked some books on this chair.

Ghaleon: ...

Generally regarded as safe? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Tonberry: It means the product hasn't killed enough people yet to warrant national attention.

Ghaleon: That's ridiculous! My expression would be one of outrage if my face wasn't made of immutable plastic! How many years has this crap shaved off my life?

Tonberry: I suppose that depends on whether you have a heart attack in the next five minutes. Feeling any stabbing pain in your chest?

Ghaleon: No.. No, I don't really feel any different. Hmph.

All right, here's my review. Bawls Guarana Soft Drink gets a zero out of ten, because it is not Ecto Cooler. Also because I've just swallowed enough stimulants to kill a horse. Lint gets a ten out of ten, because it's fun to say, and because it can presumably be used to mop up Bawls Guarana Soft Drink. I certainly hope that-- igg..

Tonberry: What's wrong?

Ghaleon: Uhhhoohhhh.... ag.. kkkkkkkkkkkkssssckk

Tonberry: Um...

Ghaleon: EHHHEEEEHEHEHEEHEHE!!

Tonberry: Fucking yikes.

Ghaleon: Ohmanohmaniamsopsychedforthisarticleitllbe reallygoodiknowitwillareyoucauseiamithinka goodadditiontothearticlewouldbethetransformersthats anoldtvshowaboutrobotsandstuffandtheytransformed iguessthatswhytheycalledittransformersright ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Tonberry: Uh.. That's great. Look, just finish up your article so we can get out of here, okay?

Ghaleon: ohnononononnonononononono wevegotlotstoreviewleftimgonnarevieweverything inthehouseillbekingreviewerofrandomcraplayingaround likepancakesilovepancakesnotenoughpeoplereviewpancakes ieatpancakesallthetimeilikesyruponmypancakeswowifyousay pancakesenoughitjuststartstosoundweirdhaveyouever donethatbeforethathappenstomesometimesitsorta freaksmeoutbutthenheywhatareyoudoing

Tonberry: Y'know, I was sorta hoping it would have to end like this. Say goodnight, Gracie.

Ghaleon: wowthatthinglooksheavyiwonderifishouldmoveoutoftheway waitmynamesnotgracieitsghaleonyknowlikethespanishships butspelledwrongsoidonthaveanygoldinmeoranythinglikethat thatwouldbeweirdheywhatwasthatsou--

Tonberry: Heh. Eh, what the hell.

*gulp*

Hmm. Not great, but not that bad. Tastes like a really weak Sprite. I don't know what he was so-- uggg... kkkkssschkkkk

ehehehehhehehe...