Kurt Angle

It is a spot that has been done over and over again, far past the point of predictability. One wrestler throws another into the corner, then charges in for a shoulderblock. The wrestler in the corner moves out of the way, and the first wrestler's momentum carries him between the ropes, his shoulder colliding with the ringpost.

Most wrestlers use their knees to slow themselves down, making the contact minimal. They pull back slightly, make some noise, and fall back into the ring. It's the sensible way to perform the move without actually slamming your shoulder into the post. It's not the way Kurt Angle does it.

Kurt runs into the corner, throws himself out of the ring, collides with the post, and ricochets off, his body carrying through the ropes, and sometimes onto the floor. The impact is solid, and by all appearances, legitimate. Kurt Angle, the 37 year old man who people flippantly refer to as 'half-crippled', throws himself out of the ring, into a steel pole, and out onto the floor. It is reflective of the way Kurt does everything: Fully, and without regard to his own well-being.

Wrestlers work hurt all the time, and they get injured all the time. The Undertaker wrestles a Hell In A Cell match with a broken foot. Chris Benoit ruptured a disc which fragmented into his spinal column. They get hurt, and they keep going. What sets Kurt apart from everyone else is how hurt he is, and his refusal to stop.

In the months leading up to Wrestlemania 19, Kurt was the champion, and he was hurt. His left handed started going numb, and he lost a considerable amount of strength. He needed neck surgery, but elected to wait until after Wrestlemania, so that he could drop the title to Brock Lesnar. In a documentary about the event, Kurt is well aware of what he's doing. "Worst case scenario Kurt Angle might not be able to walk out of Wrestlemania healthy, he may never walk again," he says about himself. "It's worth it, going out there and performing, because I'll be honest with you. I'd rather die in that ring than give it up because I can't do it anymore when I know I can."

He wrestles the match, and Brock wins the title. He could have done as little as possible in the match, gone out there, get pinned, and be done with it. He doesn't do that. He has the best match he can, gets thrown around by Brock, throws Brock around, and essentially wrestles as if he were not a short step from paralysis. Someone around the 30th row has a sign: Thank You Kurt. After the match he goes into shock and is rushed to the hospital. He gets angry that it might be his last Wrestlemania.

Kurt goes for surgery, but he opts against the standard surgery, where they fuse two broken discs together to form one. He gets an experimental procedure done, one with a drastically shorter recovery time. "I'm very confused," he says. "But I know that this is the direction I'm going to go. Is it the right way? Only God knows." There is a certainly hyperbole to what Kurt says, a certain amount of cliché. But Kurt isn't a character in a movie, he's a real person, with a real family and a real life and a real neck. He isn't blustering, he is looking at doctors, his family and friends, everyone he knows, he is looking at them and telling them all "I know what the risks are. I'm wrestling anyway."

He has the surgery, and comes back as soon as he can. He reinjures his neck, and has a second surgery. He comes back again. His hands and fingers keep going numb, but he still wrestles. He visits doctors and decides against a third neck surgery. He gets tossed from the ring in the Royal Rumble and you can see him lying on the ground, smacking his hand into the mat, trying to regain feeling. He appears on television in a non-wrestling roll, playing a 'general manager'. He only does it for six months, long enough to heal as best he can and get back in the ring. He keeps on going, and he keeps on getting injured. He loses hearing in one of his ears, he pulls his groin, he continued to suffer from numbness in his arm, he had nerve damage to his face, and through it all, he took as little time off as possible, and wrestled as hard as he could. He wins more titles, and gets more injures. He hurts his ribs and tears muscles and ligaments and just keeps going. That's what he does: He goes. He's Kurt Angle, and he does not stop.

Where do we, as wrestling fans, fit in to all of this? Kurt's motivation for what he does is always the same: To put on a show, to entertain the fans. It is the rush of performing that gives him the adrenaline (and therefore the ability) to do what he does. In a literal sense, we are enablers. Many people are not comfortable with this fact. No matter where you go, the reaction is almost unanimous: Kurt should take some time off. Kurt should heal up. It's not worth it. He should pay attention to his family. He should come back in a non-wrestling role, as a manager or commissioner. He should just stop. I thought all that too once. If it meant his health, the quality of his life, I didn't want to see Kurt Angle wrestle. But after watching him get hurt again and again, and keep coming back, I moved into a grudging acceptance. I even began to respect the way he did things. Kurt has a will and a drive and a determination to do what he does at the expense of everything. This is stupid and selfish and obviously dangerous but the man loves what he does and will. not. stop. I respected that. Here was a man willing to give everything, in a very real and literal sense, to the thing that he loved. In the face of all that is smart and even sane, Kurt Angle kept going. He had a driving need to do the thing that he loved, and nothing was going to stop him from doing it. If Kurt Angle wanted to take time off or take a reduced role in things he could. Everyone would let him. He doesn't want to. He wants to keep wrestling because he is Kurt Angle and he is the best and he is not a quitter and he will never, ever stop.

The love, the respect, the pain and the wrestling all almost fit together. At the other end, the concern it not being worth it almost fit together. Ironically, it is the same thing that keeps either side from making total sense: Professional wrestling is not what drives Kurt Angle.

When Kurt was in high school, he won the Pennsylvania state high school wrestling tournament. He went on to nationals, a two day tournament where you have to defeat ten opponents to win. He defeated 7 other people, tore three ligaments in his ankle, then won three more matches for his first national championship.

As a sophomore in college, he tore up his knee and sprained his MCL a week before the NCAA tournament. He entered anyway, and won. As a junior, he tore his MCL and PCL in his 'good' knee. A few weeks later, he entered the NCAA tournament anyway, and made it to the finals.

When training for the Olympics, he went far beyond any rational program, and well into overtraining. Training for 8-9 hours every day, he wore down his knees, his back, and his neck. He herniated discs (The injury consisted of 2 cracked vertebrae, 2 herniated disks and 4 pulled muscles.) in his neck during a semi-final match for the National Championship, won that, and then insisted on wrestling in the Olympic trials only ten weeks later. He shot his neck up with painkillers and won himself a gold medal.

In other words, Kurt Angle didn't have the sense to quit when he should have long before he even considered professional wrestling. The only thing that drives Kurt Angle is being Kurt Angle: An insatiable desire to be the best, and to never stop. He is what he is; the fact that professional wrestling plays into that is almost a coincidence. After his amateur career was over, he just needed something he could apply himself to and excel at, and wrestling was as good as anything else. I don't doubt that Kurt Angle loves pro wrestling, I just think that he came to love it because of what it could do for him, as opposed to what it is. It is something he can completely apply himself to, and completely excel at.

In late August of this year, Kurt Angle was fired by the WWE. There were issues with drugs, his wife possibly leaving him, and more injuries. He called the head of talent from the airport, telling him he was in a wheelchair due to numbness in his legs. Public comments by both parties claimed it was a mutual decision, but in reality it was decided he was a risk to himself and others, and he was released from his contract. Kurt posted a letter on his website, talking about his injuries, his family, and his need to rest up. As in the documentary from before Wrestlemania, Kurt seems fully aware of what he's doing, the risks and damage involved. "Injuries have always been a natural part of the business and my life, but where I have failed is not taking the time off to recover. When I’m off the mental stress, sitting back becomes worse than the physical pain. Something tells my inner soul to go back regardless of the condition. The funny thing is, this obsession is what the industry loves, but this obsession can also be my destruction." And despite this: "Fans, thank you all for the memories. It was quite a ride. I would not trade any of it for the world. As I sit here a bit teary eyed, I do want all of you to know, I will be fine. I will finally get to spend some real quality time with my family… time that is much, much overdue. My plan and goal is to become stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. I, Kurt Angle, will be back! That’s a promise. And that’s DAMN TRUE!"
Nothing stops Kurt Angle. He will be back. There are too many groups who would love to use him, too much money to be made. And even if there wasn't money and interest, he'd find a way to come back anyway. That's what he does. He's Kurt Angle. He doesn't stop.

I don't respect Kurt Angle anymore. I've moved back into acceptance. I'm not sure if there's a rational explanation for why Kurt does what he does, other than it's just the way he is, the way he does things. He goes, and he gets hurt, and he keeps going. I guess I'd like him to stop, but he won't. We all know how this story ends.

The ancient Greeks had a word - ekpyrosis. It means “to be consumed by a ball of fire.” They used the word to describe heroes.