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Captain Cold (1973)
Animal Tagline: Captain Cold really enjoyed speaking in low temperature-themed monologue. "My super cold ray will freeze you into oblivion!" was a favorite. Also, "I sure am extremely cold!" Plot summary: The Superfriends are a collection of the greatest comic book heroes from the DC Universe (including Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) who defend the Earth from hostile takeover attempts, manufactured tidal waves, or robots made to look like giant animals. As the Joe/Cobra theorem of balance suggests, every crisis averted by the Superfriends was caused by their arch villains, the Legion of Doom, a bad guy stable made up of each Super Friend's nemesis or nemesii. Superman was paralleled by Lex Luthor, Green Lantern by Sinestro, Aquaman by Black Manta, and so on. So who was there to parallel The Flash, the fastest man in the world? A man who runs at nearly the speed of light, can vibrate through solid matter, and can cause giant tornados to send anyone not loosely strapped to a pipe with a mens belt flying into space? Why, a guy so into ice and ice accessories that his super power was a step and a half away from being a super fast dogsled. Captain Cold was a criminal suffering from poor circulation who shot a ray gun. And not even a laser gun. His gun shot ice. Why this is more effective than shooting a bullet at the Flash with a normal gun is hard to say, but given the amount of times that Captain Cold shot ice at the Flash only to have the Flash use his super speed to grab Captain and place him in the path of the oncoming ice, it's safe to assume that he didn't want to end up exploding his own face. It would've been cool to have Captain Cold just unloading gunfire, though. He could've called his gun the "Cold 45." And I'm sure the thing had more utilitarian uses. For example, improving the quality of Bizarro's "Lemonade Sit." (more) User Comments: Captain Cold does look like somebody left expeditioner Jack Nicholson in Devo's freezer for too long, but compared to his comrades in the Legion (like Brainiac, a pantsless robot in a rugby shirt) he's at least keeping with his chosen theme. Is it impossible to give an ice-themed super hero or villain a decent name? Look how boring they are. Flash: Captain Cold They're like fucking ice cream companies. "Ring ring ring! Hey kids, come and get a Fudgesicle from Captain Cold! My Flintstones Push-Ups will freeze you into oblivion!" If they were going to let also-rans like Captain Cold into the Legion of Doom they should've just given up and put Ben and Jerry in charge of things. They could rename Black Manta "Phish Food." And rename Grodd "Chunky Monkey." They could try to take over the "One Sweet Whirled." Besides, can a legion really be "of doom" if part of the proceeds don't go to Dave Matthews Band? User Rating:
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