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 Captain Caveman (1977)

Cartoon
Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels
The Flintstones Comedy Show

 

Animal
High ranking Pre-Christ Man

 

 

Outfit: pelt / club / an excess of body hair

Tagline: "Captain ... CAAAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

Plot summary: Three busty teen girls find a caveman frozen in ice, so they do what any of us would: they thaw him out and go around solving mysteries with him. I never met Joseph Barbara or William Hanna personally but I'm starting to think that one or both of them had some kind of childhood trauma, like their mother died or something, and cops wouldn't help them out so they had to spend their whole lives influencing a generation of kids until we all decided to be detectives and solve their mysteries. Either that, or Hanna and Barbara build a giant papier-mache Scooby-Doo out of old scripts and took turns fucking it.

And how exactly did this specific caveman become a captain? Did he drag Fred Flintstone out of the murky brush during Vietnamasaurus? Maybe they should've LEFT-tenant this idea on the cutting room floor! No word on whether the Angels ever saw his "private" caveman.

Well great, now I've got this image of a teenage Tim Salmon grabbing Captain Caveman's nuts.


"Sorry."

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User Comments: Captain Caveman wears many super-powered hats, including the ability to fly, have uncommon strength, and bust the Angels in the face with his club and then drag them around by their hair. The strangest cavepower is easily the Captain's ability to pull almost anything that exists in the tangible world out of his grotesquely overgrown body hair. At first glance that shit appears to be fur, which would be fine if he wasn't called "man." At second glance one wonders why Captain Caveman can pull keys, trucks, frying pans, and alligators out of his beard but he can't pull out a pair of pants.

At least he managed to make a cape out of the same orange, spotted animal Fred Flintstone used to make his housedress. And with a club that size I bet his car never gets stolen!

User Rating: 6.4/10 (33,477 votes)