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A Brief History of the Internet
written by emily on May 11th - 2004
--Sometime, 1996: After years of technological disadvantage, the Rowley family has decided to move into the '90's. They are attempting to outfit their computer with something called "Prodigy" which is going to allow them access to TONS of information and let them send messages to other people via their computer . . . or something. They aren't entirely sure. What they are sure of is this: trying to hook yourself up to the internet on a DOS computer? Not easy. They are proud of that first computer, purchased at the SAM's Club. It is outfitted with. . . Alge-BLASTER, and came with a quaint little printer that requires threaded paper that has to have the holes ripped off of each side. It is not, however, quite up to the task at hand. They c:// with all of their might, but it is not to be. They are pretty sure after an hour or two that they've reach Prodigy's homepage, but that sweet sweet glimmer of the information superhighway is all they will touch on this day, in this year. They aren't even entirely certain what the hell the internet is anyway.
--Summer, 1997: Emily has
been given a summer job babysitting for two young daughters. She
is 15. Her wards are 12 and 10. As such, there is no logical
reason for her to be there. She spends the first month on the
couch, watching old episodes of "Wings" and "Major
Dad" on the USA network. She comes to the conclusion that
Gerald McRaney was one of the true performers of our generation.
After a month of this, and the realization that the girls she's
supposed to be watching hate her for being, "boring," Emily
finds that the home in which she's stuck each day is equipped
with that mysterious beast, "The Internet." To this
point, her only contact with the thing has been in her Junior
high school library, where she was told, "if you need to
find anything, go to Yahoo. Then if you need more information. .
. Alta Vista, friend." She sits down, logs on, goes directly
to alta vista. . . and is unsure what to do. With all the
information readily available, right there at her finger tips,
what should she look for first? Then, a lightbulb goes off in her
15 year old brain. Of course she knows what she'll look for
first.
She'll look for gay Anne Rice fansites. Dur.
--Summer, 1998: It is hers. Finally, it is in her grasp. Finally, a young girl with a dream will have that thing she's dreamed of for two long years. She will be able to tie up her family's phone line for hours on end, looking up inane crap and printing it out. Long gone is the Alge-BLASTER, long gone is the threaded paper. Now there is nothing but Microsoft, and opportunity. Opportunity to look up MORE Anne Rice fansites! Or, or. . . read about other things she loves! Like softball! Or the Cherry Poppin' Daddys!
Or Buffy the Vampire Slay. . . why yes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. . . indeed.
--Winter 1998/Spring 1999: This thing that must be understood about Emily is this: she's a rather lonely girl. She doesn't get any attention from boys at school, her self-esteem is low and her hormones are racing. So when she sets out to find more information about one her favorite escapist television shows, it isn't long until she's introduced to something called "fan fiction." This, unsurprisingly, leads to "dirty fan fiction." She enjoys this new thing she's found, the ability to read about all her favorite characters in graphic and often unrealistic depictions of sex. She would never see stuff like this on the show. (Of course, those who watched Buffy 'till the bitter hacking end know that it was little more than dirty fan fic at that point anyway.) Emily spends hours combing through archives, looking for that little "NC-17" label in the corner. She wants her dirty fan fiction. She needs it. It's an addiction. Every weekend, after the parents are in bed, hours upon hours of thrusting members and sweat-soked bosoms. Every coupling imaginable. Buffy and Angel, Angel and Spike, Spike and Willow, Willow and Xander, Xander and Buffy, Buffy and Faith, Faith and Druscilla, Druscilla and Angelus, Angelus and Darla, Darla and Giles, Giles and Willow, Willow and Miss Calender, Miss Calender and Principal Snyder, Snyder and the Mayor, the Mayor and Harmony, Harmony and Oz, Oz and Cordelia, Cordelia and Jonathan, etc.
It is sinful and it is wrong. It is almost universally poorly written. But she just can. Not. Stop. Reading. It.
--Fall, 1999: By this time, Emily has completely immsersed herself in the BtVS (that's how we abbreviate it, you know, to save time and stuff) "spoiler" community. She hangs out extensively at a site called (don't laugh) "The Buffy Cross and Stake" (damnit you're laughing). She's an active member, for the first time, of a message board. The community there posts about what's going on on Buffy, what is going to go on, and what they would like to go on. The community is mostly high school and college students, with the occasional Giles-worshipping late 20's participant, and one middle-aged struggling musician with apparently nothing better to do with him time. The regular posters have almost a familial bond with one another. Actually, there is no almost. Established members "adopt" newbies, sometimes two of them would even "get married" in the Bravenet chat room they all converged on each night. Emily finds herself with an Asian twin brother who attends Yale. She is not put off by this, for whatever reason. She revels in this group of people, and slowly begins to spend more and more of her time with them, or thinking about when she can.
--Summer, 2000: Emily has graduated high school, leaving her as much time as she prefers to sit without sunlight in front of her computer screen. She has been ordered by her parents to get a summer job before college, but is fairly sure that staring at her monitor really hard will cause money to fly out at her. She's also fairly certain that the only reason her Mom wants her to get a job is so, with Emily out of the house, Mom will have more time for hanging out in the Yahoo pool chat room.
Emily still hangs out with her weird 'family' of Buffy and Angel enthusiasts, but she's also taken to spending time at a little site called "Might Big TV" and it's sibling, "Fametracker." She has also been introduced to the beauty of online journaling, and the ability to read about all the useless details of people you won't or have no desire to ever meet. It's a very exciting time in internet history.
--Fall, 2000/Spring 2001: College. With college comes the realization that spending all of your time on a television-themed op board and pretending that other members are your mother or fiance is really fucking weird and anti-social. Emily begins to spend less time doing this. However, the need to go to class or do work does not hinder her ability to spend a good half of her day online. Oh no, for Emily has been introduced to the wonders of a high speed connection and with it: Napster.
The Holy Grail. The one that's been often imitated, but never duplicated. Napster is her shire, Napster is bliss. If while sitting through a lecture on the Holy Roman Empire she suddenly gets "Walk on Water" by Eddie Money stuck in her head? It will be hers by the end of the night. Napster in combination with college radio opens Emily's eyes to so much music she'd never given a chance before. Namely, shitty rap music and the "40 oz. to Freedom" Sublime album. Life is good. Except for college, at which she can't really be bothered to try very hard.
--Summer, 2001: The reign of Napster is coming to it's sad conclusion. Others have come to take his place, but none can match him. Emily, still in the throes of her internet addiction, spends most of her time on the boards at Fametracker, where people come up with more and more clever ways to refer to Gwenyth Paltrow as a fishstick. They generally hate everything, they're sarcastic and mob-like, and she loves them. She feels she's found her home. She is wrong. One day, in a thread about Kate Winslet, there is a link to a little site called Whatever Dude, and its "Kate Winslet Nude Scene Extravaganza." Emily clicks the link, reads the post, and procedes to fall completely in love with this site at which she's found herself. A post about "The Noozles," a post about "Blossom."
. . . my god, a post about William Zabka?! She is enthralled. She has found her people. She spends the next three days tearing through the archives, and when she's done, she registers on the forum. For the first time in her internet-fueled life, she wants desperately to be a part of this site. She wants to write for them, she wants to talk about all the same dumb pop culture antiquities that they do, and she wants to be good at it.
--Fall, 2001: Angelic pop star Aaliyah is tragically killed in a plane crash. Emily cares very little. In a moment somewhat akin to meeting Elvis, she has to opportunity to meet her very favorite writer from her very favorite website. She's a bit starstruck, admittedly, and she does in fact manage to down half a bottle of Boon's Farm strawberry Daquiri mix, straight from the bottle.
The Writer is somehow not completely turned off by this, and they hit it off. A friendship is formed, though not acknowledged in the online community they both frequent. Not long after meeting the Writer, circumstance which Emily is in no position to discuss caused the Writer to leave Whatever Dude. In an act of loyalty to her friend, she attempts to leave as well. She is, she's ashamed to admit, only partially successful in doing so. She goes back to her former lover, Fametracker, and tries to fend off the urges with an occasional dose of 'blog. She also finds that getting stoned and playing college Jeopardy online with her roommates helps to pass the time.
--Spring/Summer, 2002: A dark time for Emily. She has dropped out of college. The Writer has moved away. Perhaps most distressing is that she's working in the deli in a Wal-Mart.
She can't ever get the smell of old fashioned loaf out of her hair. She does, however, still have that good friend, the internet. She makes her first, unsuccessful attempt at keeping an online diary. She, embarassingly, fills out a personal ad on Nerve.com. She is directionless, and without even a website to validate her and make her feel pretty.
--Winter/Spring, 2003: Business is starting to pick up. Emily has re-kindled her friendship with The Writer, she helps him with the book he's writing. Her internet addiction at this point is worse than ever. With no bills to pay or real point to her life, she's free to spend large chunks of her paycheck buying stupid hats and Simpsons figures on ebay. This pleases her. She spends hours combing the endless lists of things being auctioned, often trying to see how much uselss crap she can buy for $1. She also becomes more than a little obsessed with the idea of the "camgirl." She's smitten by their soft focus glow. It's amazing to her that women with children can make a living off of showing one errant tit hanging out of their bra.
She wrestles with the idea of setting up a cam for herself. In the end she just winds up sending a picture of her boobs to a guy over AIM, and then feels pretty trashy about it later. She decides that camwhoredom is maybe not for her, and continues to neglect her diary. The realization that she's addicted to the internet, yet unable to give anything back to it hits her. She thinks on this for a moment, but then gets distracted by a flash cartoon that features a squirrel singing about his gonads.
--Fall2003-present: The Writer has started a new site with his friends Comic Strip Tiger Avatar, Teenage Guitar Enthusiast, and Liberal Young Black Man Who Enjoys Computers.
Emily is asked to submit a writing sample. She is unsure of herself, and her abilities. Her first attempt is not good, but she is accepted anyway. Life as an internet junkie has come full circle for her. After so many long, wasted years, "surfing the web" has finally paid off, giving Emily a valid reason to spend all of her time in front of her computer. She's no longer just a nerdy shut-in, she's. . . on staff. She thinks everything she writes is pretty crappy, but people are nice to her anyway and she's okay with that. She spends roughly 38 hours of each day online, and when her connection isn't working she flips the hell out about it. In her spare time, when not writing a post (also known as "all the free time she should be wrting her post before noon on Monday"), her newest fixation is livejournal. Not writing in one, mind you. She knows better than that. But just reading communities. She can find communities on anything, from fans of being anorexic, to people who are really proud of their particular style of hair, to employees of Starbucks. Emily knows that she has a problem. She knows she should go ride a bike, or read a book, or. . . something. Anything. But after long years of trying to hide it, she's finally out of the closet. She can't stop, she won't stop, she craves and needs what AOL and Microsoft can give her. Her name is Emily, and she can't stop that little blue E.