January 2nd 1972
I never thought that playing ping pong could turn me into a national celebrity but it did. I got to go on the Dick Cavett show and everything. That other guy in the picture is John Lennon. He was wearing a army uniform so I asked him where he was stationed. He said he wasn't in the army but was wearing it for symbolic reasons. I asked him if he knew Jenny and he said maybe because he knew a lot of Jennies. I beat him up for a long while and told him that if he ever saw Jenny to tell her how big and tough I was. Lieutenant Dan must have heard that I was going to be on TV because he found me outside the studio. He seemed to be very lonely so I decided to spend the holidays with him. On Christmas he drank three liters of Wild Turkey and a box of wine. I had to prop him up with a chair to keep his head over the toilet bowl. On New Year's Eve he hired two prostitutes to follow us around all night. I didn't mind until one of them started giving me the devil's grind and kissing me. I pissed them off pretty bad I guess because they left without even giving Lieutenant Dan his $13 back. He made me pay him back. |