100 Greatest Christmas Shows (Part 2: 65-31)

Part 1 (100-66) | Part 2 (65-31) | Part 3 (30-1)

#65
Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Cybernetic Ghost Of Christmas Past From The Future (2002)
Available on: DVD (Volume 2 box set)

Carl, the Aqua Teens' greasy Italian neighbor, is visited by the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past ... from the Future. It's a skeleton-shaped robot with a Santa hat, who reveals that the water in Carl's house has been turning to blood. As Frylock tries to get an answer out of the robot as to why this is, the robot tells the story of the Santa Claus figure of prehistoric ape-man, who had yet to perfect the idea of Christmas, making toys out of animal bones and poop, and resulting in a war between Elves from Mars. It's finally revealed that Carl's house is built on an ancient Elfian burial ground, but instead of offering himself sexually to the Martian elf god, Carl just does what anyone would do if the water in their house turned into blood ... he sells the house to former Misfits frontman Glenn Danzig.

Memorable moment: After Carl sells his bloody house to Danzig, Shake tries to do the same thing by inviting Danzig into his HAUNTED KITCHEN!!11 In comes Meatwad under a bed sheet, moaning "Daaaanziiiig, you want somethin' to eeeeeat?" After he leaves, the Ghost of Christmas Past comes out from the closet, and says "I cannot live with that guy. He is so annoying, he is so frightening, and he doesn't wear a shirt."

#64
Donald's Snow Fight (1942)
Available on: DVD (Donald Vol. 2 box set) | VHS

I used to love the short, seven-minute Disney cartoons starring the standard characters, when I still had the Disney Channel. This one finds Donald sledding and singing "Jingle Bells" on a snowy hill, when he spots his nephews building a snowman. He slides down the hill and destroys their masterpiece. Knowing that their uncle will try the same trick again, Huey, Dewey and Louie build their next snowman in front of a large rock, and from there it's an all out snow war, involving life-size snow fortresses, bowling-pin-shaped ducks, and makeshift mortar using flaming coals to melt each other's strongholds.

Memorable moment: Some of the stuff these ducks build is really impressive. Donald's nephews may win in the end, but their uncle's snow pirate ship is a sight to behold.

#63
A Very Brady Christmas (1988)
Available on: VHS

The original Brady family is reunited for the holidays. Except Cindy, whose replacement is at least hot enough for nobody to care. Everyone, however, is a little reluctant about the reunion. Mike just lost his architect job. So did Marcia's husband. Greg's wife ditches him for her own family. Jan and her husband are separating. Peter doesn't want his family to know that he's dating his boss. Bobby dropped out of school in pursuit of a career as a racecar driver. Cindy is just sick of being treated like a little girl. Even Alice makes the trip back after Sam the Butcher leaves her for a younger woman. The first night back is full of awkward silence, but in true Brady fashion, everything gets worked out. Mike gets his job back after saving two construction workers from a cave-in that wouldn't have happened, had Mike not been fired. Marcia's husband gets a job offer from the Bradys' neighbor. Greg's wife shows up. Bobby's secret is revealed and accepted. Peter admits his girlfriend's superiority, and then proposes to her. Cindy starts getting treated like a grown-up, and Sam comes back to Alice ... in a Santa Claus suit. As for Jan and her husband ...

Memorable moment: When Carol discovers that those two aren't sleeping in the same room, she helps Jan and her husband straighten things out, and more or less suggests a round of make-up sex. In her own house. While everybody else is there. I can't wait for Christmas at Mom and Dad's when I get married.

#62
Opus n' Bill in: A Wish for Wings That Work (1991)
Available on: VHS

This one stars the characters from the comic strip "Bloom County." For Christmas, Opus (a penguin) considers himself an "aerodynamically challenged bird," and wants more than anything else a pair of working wings. So he faxes a letter to Santa that reads: "As your records will show, Father Christmas, I am a bird. Specifically, a penguin. An embarrassing accident at birth, for which I do not blame my mother. I prefer to blame Congress." The local flock of ducks laugh at his attempts to get off the ground, but when Santa's sleigh crashes into a freezing lake, and the ducks can't take the cold long enough to save him, that's when Opus' wings show their true worth. The ducks are so grateful that he saved Christmas, that they give him a ride in the sky on their backs as a granting of his wish.

Memorable moment: Opus has a nightmare that he's behind the cockpit of the plane in the movie Lost Horizon, which is about to crash because HE CAN'T FLY. It's not a particularly hilarious scene, as much as the fact that they went that far out of their way to make a joke is impressive.

#61
Winnie The Pooh And Christmas Too (1991)
Available on: DVD | VHS

This special was released in the early heyday of Pooh's cartoon series, and is an exceptionally adorable story. Christopher Robin and his friends in the Hundred Acre Wood all write letters to Santa, put them in one big envelope, and let the wind blow it north. Unfortunately, the wind happened to be blowing south at the time, so it didn't get very far. So Pooh, determined to let his friends have a Merry Christmas, dresses up as Santa Claus and makes gifts for all his friends ... which all break. Pooh finally decides to just deliver the letter to Santa himself, but when Christmas arrives while he's gone, his friends miss him. In the end, Christopher Robin arrives with Pooh on his new sled and delivers Santa's gifts to everyone. I guess it was just easier to leave them all at Christopher Robin's house.

Memorable moment: Eeyore hanging off the a Christmas Tree like a very heavy ornament and droning, in his depressing, nigh-monotone fashion, "Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la."

#60
The Christmas Raccoons (1980)
Available on: VHS

This environmentally aware special is the very first cartoon starring Bert Raccoon and his friends, as well as their evil pink anteater nemesis, lumber tycoon Cyril Sneer. In this special, the forest is mysteriously disappearing, and it's Sneer's unmatched greed behind it. He already has enough lumber to live off of, but he won't rest until every tree is his. Little does he realize that he's depriving animals of their homes, and that includes Ralph, Melissa and Bert Raccoon. At first, they believe that the forest ranger's family have taken their tree for their own, to decorate, but when they try to get their tree back, the ranger's dog, Schaeffer, gives them a chase. The two parties eventually realize their misunderstandings when they discover that it's Sneer behind the disappearing forest phenomenon. They knock some sense into him by showing him that there aren't any more trees in the forest for him to cut down, and that lumber tycoons normally plant new trees after themselves. The best part about this special is that Sneer never really learns his lesson. He just learns that focusing less on actually cutting down trees, and more on selling what he has and planting replacements, is more profitable. In gratitude for his new business strategy, Sneer delivers a new tree to the Raccoons.

Memorable moment: When the Raccoons wake Schaeffer up, the angry dog chases the Raccoons through the house and out into the forest, and somehow a random XTR33M ride on an ice sled sailing thing becomes involved. The end of the chase follows the unwritten cartoon law of snow chases that requires one involved party to stumble and roll down a hill in the form of a giant snowball. Schaeffer is that lucky party here, and he brings the Raccoons with him as they crash right into Cyril Sneer's lumber factory.

#59
The Spirit Of Christmas (1995)
Available for download

This irreverent, 5-minute stop-motion cartoon was the template for what would eventually become South Park. Matt Stone and Trey Parker had made a Christmas toon out of construction paper before, but in this commission for a Hollywood exec's Christmas card, the four main characters actually have distinct personalities. Jesus Christ, himself, shows up in South Park, searching of Santa Claus, whom he claims has ruined the meaning of his birthday. The two engage in a battle to a death, and force the children to choose between them. The boys do the right thing by calling on the help of ice skating champion Brian Boitano, who reminds them that Christmas is a time for peace on Earth. So Jesus takes Santa out for an orange smoothie, and the boys realize the true meaning of Christmas ... presents. And hey, if you're Jewish, you get presents for 8 days!

Memorable moment: The fight scene, itself, is the natural defining moment, complete with music taken directly from "Mortal Kombat II," Jesus and Santa throwing projectiles at each other, and of course, a statue falling on Kenny. But Stan's line when Jesus states that tomorrow is his birthday is classic ... "Your birthday is on Christmas?! That sucks, dude!"

#58
South Park: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (1997)
Available on: DVD (Season 1 box set) | VHS

South Park has made Christmas an annual tradition, and each year, the life lesson gets hidden deeper and deeper within the twisted plot. This year's episode involved Stan accidentally helping a group of satanic woodland creatures give birth to the anti-Christ in the form of a baby porcupine. However, it's in the first holiday episode that the spirit of Christmas truly shines. When Kyle's mother objects to the Nativity scene in the school play, which his son is in, people with other beliefs get in on the act. Environmentalists demand that the tree be taken out, and people with epilepsy want to get rid of the lights. In the midst of all this, Kyle tries to introduce them to a nondenominational holiday icon that loves everyone equally ... a piece of anthropomorphic feces named Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo.

Memorable moment: Cartman's improvised Christmas carol, entitled "Kyle's Mom Is A Stupid Bitch" (in D-minor). Which actually starts in C, but like you care. Also, this is the first time ever that Kenny makes it through an episode without dying.

#57
Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988)
Available on: DVD (Series 3 collection) | VHS

In this hilarious twist on the Christmas Carol story, Ebeneezer Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) is unlike the rest of his family bloodline, in that he is kind-hearted and generous. As any fan of the series knows, the Blackadders have always been fast-witted bad guys. Then, on Christmas Eve night, Ebeneezer and his servant, Baldrick, are visited by the Spirit of Christmas (~~Hagr~~ Robbie Coltrane), who takes him through time to witness the mean-spirited behavior of his ancestors. A montage of earlier Black Adder shows are used at this point, and the show even parodies itself when they head into the future, to check in on Starship Commander Blackadder in the Space Age. In the end, Ebeneezer wakes up Christmas morning, and realizes the true secret of life ... bad guys have all the fun.

Memorable moment: Ebeneezer gives Baldrick his Christmas gift. "It's a fist. It's for hitting people with." [PUNCH] "And the great thing is, you can use it again and again!" [PUNCH]

#56
All I Want For Christmas (1991)
Available on: DVD | VHS

What this movie lacks in originality, it makes up for in child star power. A single-digit-aged Thora Birch plays Hallie, who wants her divorced parents to get back together for Christmas. Her brother, a barely teen-aged Ethan Embry (credited as Ethan Randall here) plays ... Ethan, who is touched by Hallie's wish, and convinces their grandmother to help reunite their parents. Hey, it worked for Jan Brady. Hallie, on the other hand, takes her petition to a bumbling mall Santa, played by Leslie Nielsen in true Nielsen fashion. Of course, since it's a Christmas movie, the parents do end up rekindling their love and getting back together. It's nice to see Christmas wishes coming true and all, but the ending probably would've been better if Hallie could've just learned that her parents still love each other as family, but the marriage thing doesn't always work out, and that doesn't change their love for their children. Oh well. Christmas wishes for everybody! I want a pony.

Memorable moment: Most of Thora Birch's lines. It's almost like watching pre-crisis Enid Coleslaw. Particularly her explanation on how she knows Nielsen is the real Santa, as opposed to all the other mall Santas around: "Simple ... he's at Macy's."

#55
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (1983)
Available on: DVD | VHS

It's rare for a book-to-movie adaptation to be successfully translated, one hundred percent. Luckily, the Best Christmas Pageant Ever was a short book. A young Fairuza Balk narrates the tale of her classmates, the Herdmans, a group of poor kids in an otherwise well-to-do WASP neighborhood, who show up in church to be a part of the annual Christmas pageant. Fairuza's mother, the director (Hot Lips from M*A*S*H), is delighted with the challenge, and gives the Herdmans all the pageant's intricate roles, including the no-nonsense Imogene as Mary, and little ADD-stricken Gladys as the angel. Needless to say, the other kids' parents get to talking, and have very little to say in the nice department, but Fairuza's mom reminds them that these kids could use some preaching to, and what better way to learn about Christmas than putting on a play about the first one? Sure, many of the rehearsals end in disaster, and the play hardly goes on without a hitch, but it DOES go on, and the results are laughably cute.

Memorable moment: Easily Gladys' big entry as the angel. With her ratty sneakers sticking out from under her robe, she runs in late down the aisle, screaming "Hey! HEY! Unto you a child is born! And it's Jesus! So go on, go on!" It's one of the most adorable scenes ever written.

#54
A Flintstones' Christmas Carol (1994)
Available on: VHS

Fred Flintstone is cast as "Ebonezer Scrooge" in a Bedrock production "A Christmas Carol," by "Charles Brickens." You see, because it's the Stone Age, everybody's surname is taken from a type of rock or fossil or dinosaur. For example: Barney RUBBLE is playing the role of Bob CRAGIT, and instead of Mike Fireball, I would be Mike Giant Volcanic Rock. At any rate, Fred is getting a little too into his role as the stingy star of the show, and as a result, forgets all about his family for Christmas. Wilma, of course, won't have it, and as the play's director, she doesn't hesitate to put Fred in his place when she has to. To make matters worse for him, a 24-hour sickness called the Bedrock Bug is going around, resulting in Wilma having to take over some of the other characters, including Belle. In between acts, Fred rushes out to pick up the family's gifts, which he left at the mall, and finally manages to patch things up, partially while he's in character. Bamm-Bamm, as Tiny Tim, has the honors of the play's last line, and delivers it in true Dickens fashion.

Memorable moment: At the end, when Fred is making his apologies, he highlights among his list of things he'll do to make it up to his family the fact that he'll invite Wilma's mother over for dinner. I like how "I'll even be nice to my mother-in-law!" is always the way to a woman's heart in cartoons like this. Oh yeah, and then Fred gets the Bedrock Bug and almost pukes on everybody.

#53
A Flintstone Christmas (1977)
Available on: VHS

It's Christmastime in Bedrock. Never mind the part about the Stone Age predating Jesus. It also predated household appliances, but that never stopped talking animals to shrug it off and say, "Eh, it's a living lol!" Mr. Slate makes Fred dress up as Santa Claus for his wife's Women's Auxiliary Christmas Party, but when the real Santa shows up and twists his ankle after falling off of Fred's neglected roof, he convinces Fred and Barney to take over his job for the night. The two lose some gifts in a snowstorm, and are forced to pick up replacements at the North Pole. This pit stop makes him late for the Christmas party. Not the whole having to hit every prehistoric, pre-Christian house in one night thing. Santa let Fred and Barney borrow his magic secret or whatever to pull that off. But I guess they forgot to use it when they had to stop at the North Pole. So while he does show up late to the party, he still has Santa's magic bag, so he manages to deliver gifts to all the needy children at the Christmas party.

Memorable moment: At Fred and Barney's first stop as honorary Santas, Fred can't figure out how to get back up the chimney. So he just heads for the front door, only to be attacked by the family dog ... er, dinosaur.

#52
VeggieTales: The Toy That Saved Christmas (1996)
Available on: DVD | VHS

This Christmas parable is about the holiday's hot new toy, a doll named Buzzsaw Louie. When you push its nose, it tells you what Christmas is all about ... getting stuff! This is the doing of greedy toymaker Wally P. Nezzer, but one rebellious Buzzsaw Louie toy doesn't like his function. So he runs away in search for the real meaning of Christmas. Soon, he meets up with a bunch of talking vegetables who tell him about Jesus. In case you skimmed over that last sentence by mistake, a magical wooden toy meets a group talking vegetables who tell stories about God. And it's AWESOME. I don't care what you do or do not believe in; you have to hand it to the VeggieTales crew for coming up with an original idea and making it funny without having to try too hard, or shoving the message down unwilling throats.

Memorable moment: Little Percy the Pea complains to his dad that "Billy has more toys than me!" His dad asks, "Who's Billy?" "I don't know, but he has more toys than me! WAHHHH!" Also, the whole story is actually being told to little Annie the Onion by her Grandpa George, and at one point, he randomly tries to end the story by going, "And so, the pig and the giant lizard brought the boy back to his family at the bowling alley, and they all lived happily ever after. THE END."

#51
VeggieTales: The Star Of Christmas (2002)
Available on: DVD | VHS

Besides having better animation, this second Christmas movie also has a more interesting story. Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber play the parts of Cavis Appythart and Millward Phelps, a Gilbert and Sullivan type pair in late 19th Century London. The two plan to open their musical, "The Princess and the Plumber", on Christmas Eve, proclaiming that it will teach London how to love. They want their opening night to be such a success, that they even attempt to get the children of St. Bart's to cancel their Nativity play, set for the same evening. The children's play even attracts more attention by stating that it will feature the Star of Christmas, a religious artifact that hasn't been seen by the public in decades. Naturally, Cavis and Millward discover that St. Bart's Nativity play portrays the true meaning of Christmas, and promote their pageant. And by "naturally," I mean and "after being chased down by an angry Irish carrot named Moyer the Destroyer for trying to steal the Star of Christmas."

Memorable moment: The explanation of the Star's history. "One of the finest existing examples of sixth-century metalwork, given by St. Gregory the Great to the monks at Canterbury August 14, 592. This astonishing gold and silver five-point star later decorated the courts of King Edward the Confessor, William the Conqueror, and James the Lethargic before coming to rest at the church you see behind you in 1638. The star hasn't been publicly displayed since February 12, 1803, due to the perceived security risks from the reigns of King Charles the Greedy and Cedric the I'll-Eat-Anything-Star-Shaped."

#50
Die Hard (1988)
Available on: DVD | VHS

Shut up; it counts. Hans Gruber and company take over the Nakatomi Plaza on Christmas Eve, during a holiday party. That's all the reason I need. There's also the subplot involving John McClane staying in New York, while his wife moves out to L.A., thanks to a promotion. He didn't think Holly would make it, and would come crawling back to him. And now that he sees she's doing just fine, he's mad that she's using her maiden name, and then they forgive each other because it's Christmas, and also because John just saved everybody's lives from a bunch of terrorists.

Memorable moment: Do I even have to answer this?

GRUBER: "You have me at a loss. You know my name, but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshall Dillon?"
McCLANE: "I was always kind of partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really dig those sequined shirts."
GRUBER: "Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?"
McCLANE: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker."

#49
Yogi's First Christmas (1980)
Available on: VHS

Ranger Smith especially loves winter in Jellystone Park, not only because the Jellystone Ski Lodge is open for operation, but also because of the lack of Yogi Bear, who is supposed to be hibernating until April. Unfortunately, Christmas carols sung by some of his friends visiting the lodge wakes Yogi and Boo-boo up from their seasonal slumber. So they decide to check out what's up with all the white stuff on the ground. Mrs. Throckmorton, the lodge's owner, takes a liking to Yogi's character, and gives him a job as a bellboy. Considering she's planning on shutting down the lodge after this season due to some "strange goings-on" last year, it doesn't matter that much to her in the beginning. Meanwhile, the man responsible for the "strange goings-on" is Herman the Hermit, a nearby mountain dweller who hates Christmas, and will do anything to shut down the lodge. When Mrs. Throckmorton's spoiled-rotten nephew, Snivley, sneaks away to team up with Herman, everyone goes out to look for him. Yogi eventually finds the two, invites Herman to the lodge for Christmas dinner, and warms his heart by dressing up like Santa and giving him a present. Mrs. T is so delighted to have her nephew back, that she decides to keep Jellystone Lodge open, and make Yogi like the assistant manager or something. For a frigging bear, he sure knows how to get up in company hierarchy.

Memorable moment: Cindi Bear discovers the tradition of mistletoe, and hangs some all over the entire lobby in a desperate attempt to try and get Yogi to make out with her.

#48
White Christmas (1954)
Available on: DVD | VHS

Sure, this is just another rendition of the old HEY GUYS LET'S PUT ON A SHOW IN THE BARN plot, but of all the jazz-era song and dance holiday flicks, and especially of the ones starring Bing Crosby, this is probably the most popular. Bing Crosby is back, this time as a WWII vet (which, remember, ended just nine years prior) who has developed a variety act with his buddy, Danny Kaye. The two agree to help two sisters (Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen) get patrons to their ski lodge in Vermont, which is short on snow this year. All the while, Danny is trying to hook Bing up with the right girl. Meanwhile, the lodge turns out to be owned and operated by their old army general, and with his help, they put on a Broadway-level show to draw crowds to the lodge. And, as you can probably guess, the long-awaited snow arrives by the end of the movie, just in time for Bing to sing the title track.

Memorable moment: Most would argue the aforementioned title song, and a few others would vote for the awkward moment between Danny and Vera-Ellen, where she tries to make the excuse, "Maybe it's just the music ..." "Maybe it ISN'T only the music," Danny replies. My favorite line, however, is when Bing is on the phone trying to get an estimate as to how much putting on this show is going to cost.

CROSBY: "... Wow."
KAYE: "How much is wow?"
CROSBY: "We've got a big show to do, buster."
KAYE: "HOW MUCH IS WOW"
CROSBY: "Right up there between ... ouch and boing."
KAYE: " ... Wow."

#47
The Smurfs' Christmas Special (1982)
Search eBay and good luck finding it

When two children come knocking on Gargamel's door to help their fallen grandfather in the woods, he of course shoos them away. Minutes later, a dark stranger requests that Gargamel help him find those kids, whose father double-crossed him years ago. In exchange, he offers Gargamel a magic scroll with information on how to destroy his little blue nemeses. The Smurfs, themselves, meet up with the children first, saving them from a wolf and inviting them to their Christmas celebration. Gargamel sneaks in and grabs the kids, and as promised, the cloaked stranger delivers the scroll. But when the magic doesn't work quite as planned, Gargamel follows the stranger, who turns on him, throwing him into a sacrificial circle of fire with the children. Yeah, a circle of hellfire in a frigging Smurfs cartoon. What our heroes do to save their friends (and Gargamel) is nothing short of amazing.

Memorable moment: That song. That terrible, magical song. To counter the mysterious wizard guy's evil magic, Papa Smurf leads his entire tribe in singing "Goodness makes the badness go away" over and over. As loud and as obnoxious as possible. But it isn't until they make Gargamel join in that the wall of fire dies down, and the wizard vanishes with it.

#46
Batman Returns (1992)
Available on: DVD | VHS

For as long as I can remember, Batman has been my favorite comic hero. So I snuck him on this list twice, but both are well-deserved. This Tim Burton sequel, featuring the Bat's struggle with the Penguin and Catwoman, was underappreciated, but one thing's for sure ... it DID take place at Christmastime. In fact, the Christmas in Gotham City adds to the film's dark, faux-cheery atmosphere. The Bat and the Cat make an exchange about the dangers of mistletoe. "Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it," Batman says. Catwoman counters, "A kiss can be deadly if you mean it." The two interchange quotes later in the film. The Penguin's giant duck-shaped tank launches missiles that look like candy canes. Still not enough holiday cheer? Near the beginning of the movie, the city is opening the season with its annual tree lighting ceremony, when a giant wrapped gift box rolls into Gotham Plaza, and out pops the Red Triangle Circus Gang to blow stuff up. Merry Christmas, you heathen! Now people are dead!

Memorable moment: The part where somebody makes a joke related to the fact that Catwoman is dressed up like a cat. Oh, man. What a riot.

#45
Christmas Comes To Pac-Land (1982)
Search eBay and good luck finding it

Christmas came to Pac-Land when Santa's sleigh, as it often likes to do when Hanna-Barbara draws him, crashes in a violent snow storm. The original video game icon and his wife open their home to the mysterious stranger, offering a cup of Power Pellet cocoa to regain his energy. When Santa explains his job to them, Packy and his Pac-pooch, Chomp-chomp, brave the storm in search for Santa's bag o' stuff. But after an encounter with the ghosts, he barely makes it back. Then, when the time comes for Santa to take back to the skies, Pac-Man has to persuade the ghosts to let them pass in the spirit of the holidays. Yeah, please give us enough room to make this fat alien's sled fly, because he's celebrating some occasion we've never heard of. Of course, one look in Santa's eyes, and the ghosts have no choice but to feel bad for him. Once airborne, the jolly one repays everyone for their kindness, including the ghosts. It's a posthumous Christmas in Pac-Land!

Memorable moment: Pac-Man leads Santa's reindeer to the Power Pellet Forest to regain their energy. A bit risky, considering they're a whole other, non-spherical species from parts unknown. Sure enough, it works so well, that the reindeer start glowing with power. At least I hope it's power, and not radiation, or else you might want to start leaving Santa's cookies on a paper plate.

#44
The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus (1985)
Available on: VHS

Forget everything you think you know about the man in red. L. Frank Baum, who's most famous for penning the Wizard of Oz, has reinvented the origins of Santa Claus from the ground up. Baum tells a very pagan story in which Claus was found as a baby by the immortal spirits of the forest. The beginning sequence shows a governing council of immortals gathering to discuss the fate of the now elderly Santa, who may or may not be making his final trip around the globe, depending on whether the council decides to give him the gift of eternal life. The Great Ak, the ruler of the world's forests and the one who found Claus as a baby, takes his case to the council, explaining how he found the human outside the immortal Forest of Burzee, left him in the care of a fairy sprite, and when old enough, explained to him the pains of the mortal world. Greed and envy had overcome it, and Claus was so moved by his kind's unhappiness, that he vowed to bring joy to as as he could. He started small, by making toys for the children of a small village. But as time passed, and after thwarting evil, invisible spirits who feed on sorrow, Santa Claus became the international man of mystery he is today. So of course, the council of immortals let him join their little club. They have pizza night every Friday.

Memorable moment: The other guy with the big nose in the picture is called Tingler. He helps raise Claus when he's a boy, and he's quite the interesting character. He has a tendency to repeat everything he says in several different languages ... including animal sounds. A simple negative answer, with Tingler, turns into "No! Nein! Nyet! Chirp-chirp! ROAR! Whatever the squirrel equivalent for 'no' is!" Also, besides the name, the similarities between him and Tingle from the Legend of Zelda are uncanny.

#43
John Denver and The Muppets: A Christmas Together (1979)
Available on: CD

This special and its accompanying record has been part of every single Christmas I can remember. It features the title's namesakes putting on a Christmas production of Christmas carols, a scene about a toy soldier at war and missing the doll he loves, and a Nativity scene. The actual togetherness is debatable. The opening credits, I swear to Jesus, say "John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together ... starring John Denver!" Oh, is that who's in this? I forgot. Thanks for reminding me. The problem with this special is that you have the Muppets spending more time around John Denver than actually with him. More like A Christmas In The Same Room As Each Other. Yet the mere fact that it has Muppets in it has an eerie power that keeps drawing me back to it every Christmas. Still, it does get slow at times. I have home movies of me when I was 4, and it's playing in the background while I'm diverting my attention from it as I ~~help my parents decorate the Christmas tree~~ jump all over the furniture as my parents decorate the Christmas tree.

Memorable moment: While looking over the script, Miss Piggy suggests that "good will toward men" be changed to "good will toward men and women." John explains that they took the line from out of the Bible, and that's when Piggy interrupts again and explains that the Bible is filled with "This one begat that one, and that one begat the other one ... with all this begetting going on, there's surely a great deal of good will toward women in the Bible." I'm not kidding. She actually says that. I can't believe I never caught it before.

#42
Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1944)
Available on: DVD

Predating Rankin/Bass's version by two decades, this Max Fleischer short was the first to bring Rudolph to life. It more closely followed the actual song, without introducing any outside characters. One highlight is the actual reindeer games, which consist in part of testing out some of the year's toys, like toy trains and baseball bats. Also, Rudolph and his mother live in a regular log cabin, his mother often standing on her hind legs and wearing an apron around the house. Then, one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa bursts into the depressed reindeer's room and asks for his help. Not nearly as heartwarming as the stop-animation one, but this one earns its antlers not only having bringing Rudolph to life for the first time, but doing so in beautiful animation for the time.

Memorable moment: To hide from the "other reindeer," who don't do a very good job laughing or calling him names, basically dancing around and singing the glowing nose equivalent to "Michael Michael Motorcycle," Rudolph hides behind a berry bushel (No!), where his nose blends in perfectly.

#41
Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987)
Available on: DVD | VHS

Nobody really knew Will Vinton by name, and people still don't, but when the words "featuring the California Raisins" followed the title, that was reason enough to tune into this primetime special. Hosted by Rex and Herb, a T-rex and a triceratops from Vinton's short "Dinosaur," the two introduce different clay segments of Christmas carols. During their introductions, different groups of cart vendors show up, messing up the words to "Here We Come A Wassailing," making it waffling, waddling, wallowing, etc. So while Herb is pigging out at each vendor, Rex attempts to figure out what "wassail" actually means. The shorts, naturally, are the highlight. Two walruses ice skate to "Angels We Have Heard On High," which is funny because fat things ice skating=lol, and Vinton shows off what he can do with clay and a stop-motion camera with a stained glass fireworks display to the tune of "Joy To The World." As for the California Raisins, they miss their bus after a show, and then go into a familiar-sounding soul version of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer," build a makeshift sleigh out of a couch and a dumpster, and fly home.

Memorable moment: The Carol of the Bells sequence, performed by the Notre Dame Bell Choir. They're actual, anthropomorphic bells with mallets to hit themselves on the head with. When one exceptionally stupid Middle C bell squishes a bug and throws his mallet away, Maestro Quasimodo hits him with a slingshot to end the performance.

#40
Futurama: The Xmas Episodes (1999, 2001)
"Xmas Story" available on: DVD (Volume 2 box set)
"A Tale of Two Santas" available on: DVD (Volume 3 box set)

Futurama's two Christmas episodes made creative and hilarious use of the "telephone game" effect of oral tradition, in which some information gets lost and others merged with time and distance. In "Xmas Story," Fry, a twentieth century boy who was frozen and woke up to find himself in the year 3000, learns that the holiday he once knew as Christmas is now called "Xmas," and it's a time of year no one looks forward to. Back in the 27th century, a robotic Santa Claus was built to determine which kids were naughty and which ones were nice. After a Dr. Wily-esque mishap, Santa malfunctioned, and has since put everyone on the naughty list by default. Also, if you're naughty, he murders you. When Santa comes down the chimney of the Planet Express, he judges everyone on board as naughty ... except for Dr. Zoidberg, a Jewish-esque crustaceoid. He gets a pogo stick, which he uses to cut the ceiling wires and give Santa an electric shock, causing him to fly out of the chimney.

In the other Xmas episode episode, "A Tale of Two Santas," the Planet Express unintentionally freeze the evil Santa in a block of ice. With the evil Santa out of the way, Fry decides to reintroduce the world to the 20th Century Santa by giving Bender a shot at the gift-giving gig. The children of the world, however, still think Bender is the evil Santa robot, and he's eventually arrested and put on trial. Sentenced to be executed, Bender's friends suddenly enter the courtroom, claiming to be the real Santa. The confusion stalls the execution long enough for the real evil Santa to thaw himself out, show up, and go on a shooting rampage. Xmas is saved, and thankfully, so is Bender.

Memorable moment: The other guys already gave honors to the part during the Sparticus homage scene in "A Tale Of Two Santas," in which everyone busts into the courtroom dressed as Santa, and Zoidberg attempts to help out by proclaiming, "And I'm his friend, Jesus!" Surely, that's his greatest moment, but there's a part earlier in the episode that made me laugh almost as hard. The prosecution lawyer, a giant blue chicken with a southern accent not unlike Colonel Sanders, is questioning a little girl that Bender tried to give a present to. "Now Pamela, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but t'ain't no need to fear meBUKAWWWWK! ... I'm sorry, I thought you was corn."

#39
Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol (1962)
Available on: DVD | VHS

This umpteenth retelling of "A Christmas Carol" finds the Nearsighted Mr. Magoo playing Scrooge in a play. Unfortunately, there are next to no jokes about how he has poor eyesight, so he really only LOOKS like Magoo. I'll call him Magooge. It's more verbatim Dickens than most popular-cartoon-character-plays-Scrooge specials, but it adds some original songs. One sung by the Cratchet family finds Tiny Tim, played by Gerald McBoing-Boing, who went through the trouble of learning his lines in English as opposed to ... um, boing noises ... asking their father for "razzleberry dressing." I've never heard of a razzleberry, but Tiny Tiny won't shut up about it. Also, when Link to the Christmas Past takes Magooge to visit his childhood self, they sing a song in perfect harmony, and the boy Magooge mysteriously knows when to pause for his future spirit, and then when to start singing again. It's like when you're in the car and you only sing the harmony parts, only reversed.

Memorable moment: In the glimpse of the future, Magooge is too stupid to figure out that he dies. An undertaker shows some cufflinks he swiped from some dead guy. They've got his frigging initials on them, and he's still like, "Aww, poor dead guy. I'd hate to be him." I'm paraphrasing that, of course.

#73
The Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special (1988)
Available on: DVD | VHS

Somehow, Pee-wee Herman managed to cram about a dozen special guest stars into his playhouse for a Christmas party. Pee-wee teachers Little Richard how to ice skate. Then Charo shows up and teaches Pee-wee how to say "Feliz Navidad," before joining k.d. lang and the Del Rubio Triplets in singing carols. Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello make Christmas cards. Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah keep trying to wish Pee-wee a Happy New Year, but keep getting screamed at, because YEAR is the day's secret word. And Grace Jones gets mailed to the White House. In the midst of all this, Santa calls Pee-wee on the picture phone and asks him to shorten his Christmas list, so that, you know, some OTHER children on the planet could get some stuff. Pee-wee does him one better by helping Santa deliver them. Oh, and by the way, this thing somehow got nominated for three Emmys.

Memorable moment: Basketball legend Magic Johnson (pre-Crisis) shows up and goes on a sleigh ride with Pee-wee inside Magic's distant cousin ... Magic Screen.

#37
The Polar Express (2004)
UPDATE! Now available on: DVD | VHS

It may be a little too early to put this entry so high on the list, but after seeing it, and think it's worth the assumption that it will soon become as much of a staple to the holidays as Rudolph and Frosty. Based on the children's book by Chris Van Allsburg, the Polar Express is about a boy on the verge of disbelief in Santa Claus. Hoping to at least hear some sleigh bells as he drifts off to sleep on Christmas Eve, he instead hears a loud train whistle. To his surprise, he finds a giant train parked out front his house. It's bound for the North Pole, and filled with children in their pajamas who, like him, are just old enough for this Santa crap, but still hope to see something magical before the night is through. Tom Hanks plays just about every adult male character, including the train's conductor, a hobo hitching a ride, Scrooge, and Santa Claus, himself. And, thanks in part to the magic of computer animation, they all look like Tom Hanks. Isn't Christmas magical?

Memorable moment: The part where Robert Zemeckis can't make a movie with a train in it without having someone pull the whistle cord and saying "I wanted to do that my whole life!" The boy did it in this one, and Doc Brown did it in 1885.

#36
Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean (1992)
Available on: DVD | VHS

One of the UK's greatest comedy weapons, Rowan Atkinson plays Mr. Bean, a clumsy man-child of little words. Bean episodes were very similar to the slapstick comedy from the days of silent pictures, and this Christmas special is among the most memorable episodes. While out doing some last minute Christmas shopping for his girlfriend, Bean finds himself playing with a miniature nativity set, much like one would play with action figures. Later, he conducts a Salvation Army band, who follow his baton's every moment, including the unintentional ones. Before the night is through, Bean has stolen the Christmas tree from the town square, won a free turkey in "guess how much this weighs" contest, and forces Christmas carolers to sing for him longer than intended. Then, it's time for dinner...

Memorable moment: Having an awfully hard time basting his Christmas turkey, Bean loses his watch in it. The turkey ends up on his head, and stays there for a good four or five minutes. I've never heard a studio audience laugh so hard in my entire life, and the scene was so funny, that it was actually used again in later episodes of the show.

#35
Peace On Earth (1939)
Available on: DVD | VHS

This Oscar-nominated feature is creepy tale on the brink of the Second World War begins with an old squirrel visiting his grandchildren for Christmas. Upon singing "Peace on Earth, goodwill to men," the young squirrels ask him what "men" are. They're never heard of such a thing, and rightly so, because in this short, HUMANS ARE EXTINCT. The grandfather squirrel tells of a great war that came down to the last two people in the world, who shot each other dead. Later, when the forest animals would reclaim the planet, they discovered a book that outlined a life of peace, and that brings us to our happy Christmas ending. With no people.

Memorable moment: The part where no one is reading this right now because we were never born, and squirrels have no need to invent things like the Internet.

#34
The Small One (1978)
Available on: DVD | VHS

This was director Don Bluth's last project with Disney, before moving on to Fox and making such films as the Secret of NIMH, An American Tail, and that Dragon's Lair video game. Small One is the name of a donkey owned by a young Judean boy. When the boy's father breaks it to him that Small One is a runt that he can't keep, the boy is forced to sell it in town. Scared off by the town's ruthless swindlers and a garment tanner, the boy can't find anyone to sell Small One to that'll love him as much as he does. When all hope is lost, and Small One is ready to sacrifice his frigging life to the tanner so that his master can get a bite to eat, in comes a man named Joseph, who could use a donkey gentle and kind enough to carry his pregnant wife through the desert. I bet you didn't see that one coming as soon as you saw the word "donkey."

Memorable moment: The boy's sales pitch. "He's gentle and kind." We're reminded of the donkey's gentleness and kindness about a dozen more times before the special is over.

#33
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Available on: DVD | VHS

Michael Caine does a wonderful job playing the grave and serious Scrooge, especially considering his costars are all made of felt. Gonzo plays Charles Dickens, himself, as he tells the tale of Scrooge. The story is a short and hurried version of the same, and the original Muppets made for the three spirits are nice to see, but it's no surprise that the highlights are picking out the Muppet performers, who don't exactly get into character. Sure, Scrooge refers to him as Bob Cratchit, but it's no more than Kermit in a funny suit and hat. Scrooge is visited by his two bosses, Jacob and Robert Marley, played by Statler and Waldorf, and later returns to his past, when he worked for Fozziwig.

Memorable moment: As charity workers Bunsen and Beaker are walking out the door, Beaker FLIPS SCROOGE THE BIRD. Well, he only has four fingers, and the gesture of the fingers isn't there, but the position of the arm and Beaker's mean meep make it obvious that he's got two words for Mr. Scrooge ... MEEP MEEP.

#32
The Wonder Years: A Very Cutlip Christmas (1990)
Search eBay and good luck finding it

When B reminded me that I forgot this one, I revised my entire list just to fit it on there. It's that important. So I can't really yell at whoever was in charge of compiling "The Christmas Wonder Years" DVD set for not including this particular episode.

Wait. Yes I can. It was their JOB to pick the BEST episodes of the Wonder Years out of all episodes involving Christmas. Screw you guys. Cutlip is awesome.

Since he's the one who remembered it, I'm going to let B do the commentary for this one:

While at the mall buying clothes with his mother, Kevin makes a startling discovery: the mall Santa is actually his gym teacher, Coach Cutlip. The discovery and Cutlip's awareness of such leads to an easier gym class for Kevin, which alienates him from the friends he left stuck doing the President's Physical Fitness Challenge. In an effort to explain, he lets slip that Cutlip works at the mall, but doesn't tell them where. This gets them determined to go to the mall, find Cutlip, and make a fool out of him.

When the special treatment becomes too much, Kevin confronts the coach in his office and makes it clear that he isn't going to tell anybody about Cutlip's stupid job as Santa. Cutlip, in a completely out-of-nowhere but welcome moment of sublime humanity, says that he took the job as a mall Santa because he wanted little kids to like him. That's the saddest thing ever. Cutlip wants the kids to like him, but the only way he knows how is through Christmas, and by giving them something to believe in. Kevin rightly feels like shit and promises the secret will be kept, until he realizes that he's already let the secret slip.

Memorable moment: Later, Kevin rushes to the mall to let Cutlip know the guys are coming, but Cutlip (accompanied by a Christmas choir) stands up and lets Kevin know that he isn't ashamed of what he's doing, and he'll take whatever he gets. The boys arrive and Kevin tries to herd them away, until they see Cutlip standing tall in the center of the mall. They each take turns noticing him, looking him in the eyes. Kevin is sure that they know until he sees them smile, and realizes that when they look they don't see Coach Cutlip. All they see is Santa.

I think of this, and of Linus, and I hope that my child gets to hold on to that sweetness and simplicity of Christmas for as long as she can. Even if she's sitting on the lap of a gym teacher.

#31
Batman—the Animated Series: Christmas With The Joker (1992)
Available on: DVD (Vol. 1 box set) | VHS

It's Christmas Eve, and a fresh-out-of-the-nuthouse has set up an entire holiday-themed series of traps for Batman and Robin, including giant toy soldiers with guns, and a live broadcast of the Joker as he parodies his favorite classic Christmas specials, starring his family of hostages: members of Gotham's police force and justice system. Along the way, Batman and Robin have to stop a train from derailing, and avoid a giant cannon firing at their heads, among other obstacles. That's what I loved about Batman's enemies. Their plans of murder were always so calculated, especially the Joker's, who didn't mind at all bumping off a few dozen people if it meant keeping Batman occupied for a while, until his masterpiece murder plan was complete. The Christmas theme all fit together like a symphony, and the Joker loved watching every bit of it.

Memorable moment: At the very beginning of the episode, the Joker catapolts himself out of Arkham Asylum. Using a Christmas tree and singing the Batman variation of "Jingle Bells" from grade school, with impeccable timing on the part where he got away. Love that Joker.

Part 1 (100-66) | Part 2 (65-31) | Part 3 (30-1)