Best Comeback
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Not too many people were happy to see some of the changes in this new animated series starring the boys in green, especially the horrible new theme song. But as far as I'm concerned, it's great to see the Turtles back in the spotlight again. It's not like we didn't see the changes coming. The Ninja Turtles have a whole new generation of kids to cater to, not just us nostalgic high school diploma carriers. Here's hoping they stick around for a long time.

Worst All-Pirate Sporting Event
Superbowl XXXVII

The Oakland Raiders vs. the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. A Superbowl featuring the two NFL teams with pirate-themed nicknames was supposed to be exciting. It was supposed to have us hanging on to the edge of our seats. Instead, the Raiders decided to let the Bucs run circles around them. During the ENTIRE game. By the time the Raiders decided maybe they should start trying to play well, it had gotten so boring, that I turned if off. Not like I missed anything. They ran the same commercials constantly for the next 3 months.

Best Use Of A Chandelier As Clothing
Beyonce

This is an actual shot of the cover of Beyonce's debut solo album, Dangerously In Love. Look at that thing she's wearing. There's no way that was originally meant to be clothes. I bet she never wore it again after that particular photo shoot. Then again, it might not be legal for her to wear that outside. What a shame.

Worst Special Effects
Great White

One of the eightiest heavy metal bands there ever was, Great White decided that it'd be cool to have pyrotechnics on their 2003 tour, which consisted entirely of bars & any other small venues that might have patrons who still listen to Great White. Sure enough, the pyrotechnics were a success... in burning down a Rhode Island nightclub & killing a hundred people. Including the drummer. For those of you keeping score at home, that's about a third of Great White's fan base.

Best Series Finale, In A "Whoa, That Was Awesome!" Kind Of Way
Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Buffy was probably the only TV series that did better than the movie it was based on. At least I think it was. Maybe I'm totally oblivious & it was based on some comic or something I've never heard of. I didn't really watch a lot of the TV show before the final episode, but never mind that. What matters is that a TV series about a hot blonde who kills vampires should, & did, go out with a bang.

Best Series Finale, In A "Hooray, It's Over!" Kind Of Way
Dawson's Creek

Of all the WB's trademark dramas, Dawson got old the fastest. The WB knew this. That's why they got everybody excited with that episode countdown. "There's just 6 more episodes left! We're almost done! Yay!" And I like how they tried to keep us in suspence about who was going to die. Of course it was going to be Jen. Nobody cares if she dies. Now that Joshua Jackson's 15 minutes are over, I can't wait to see him in D4.

Best New Recording Artist
Jet

You know that song on the iPod commercial? That's Jet. I recently picked up their debut full length "Get Born," & it is quite refreshing to hear a good record like this, in the midst of all the modern rock bands trying to sound like Pearl Jam, & all the indie rock bands trying to sound like the Smiths. Jet sounds like the Who, & frankly, they're a much better band to emulate than Pearl Jam or the Smiths. Why yes, I just did go there.

Worst New Recording Artist
Smile Empty Soul

If you happened to have heard "I do it for the druuuuuuu-uuuuugs!" growling over the radio, blame Smile Empty Soul. If you haven't, imagine a band that sounds like Good Charlotte doing an impression of Linkin Park doing an impression of a band playing at the 6th grade talent show, & yeah, they're terrible, but so cute because the guitars are as big as they are. Except Smile Empty Soul aren't that short. They're just boring. But hey, what do they care what I think? They just do it for the drugs.

Best Jump To A Major Label
AFI

This was a tough decision, but from what I've observed, out of the few bands that jumped from a minor to a major this year, AFI's move to Dreamworks was the most successful in both gaining publicity & saving face. Ok, so there's a new legion of junior high kids running around in AFI hoodies now, & that might be a bit annoying, but maybe if we can get them to check out the band's earlier stuff, it might not be such a bad thing.

Worst Makeover
Jewel

Let's put it this way. When you have to put a disclaimer to your fans in the linear notes of your new album about its dramatic change of style, maybe that's not such a good move. On her newest record, entitled "0304" for whatever stupid reason there is behind that, Jewel went from a low-key folk songwriter to a full blown dance pop star. Maybe her timing just sucks, & it might not have been such a bad thing if dance pop wasn't on its way out right now.

Worst Music Video
Good Charlotte

This is for the video Good Charlotte made for the song "Girls & Boys." Don't get the wrong idea. I think it's a fun song. It's a cute, '80s anthem that sounds like it would fit perfectly in a John Hughes movie. The video does nothing with this premise. Instead, it's just the band playing a show in somebody's basement, because that's punk rock or something, & they throw in some old people acting like teenagers for no reason whatsoever. The whole old people thing has been overdone.

Best Spokesmodel
Talking Baby

Over the summer, I saw one of a series of new promotional ads MTV-2 was running starring this loud, obnoxious plastic baby doll going on about how nobody knew who Norah Jones was until she won a "pillow case full of Grammies..."

"Oh yes, I love Norah Jones."
"Oh yeah?! What's your favorite song she sings?!"
"Uhhh..."
"Yeah, thought so! Now get outta my face before I take a switch to ya! Wha-cha!"

I loved it so much, that I did some research, & found out that Talking Baby has his origins in this sketch comedy troupe.

Worst Spokesmodel
Dr. Phil

People love this guy's straight-shooting attitude enough to listen to anything he says. This has gotten so out of hand, that nobody has stopped to realize that they're taking advice on weight loss from a fat bald guy. Did Dr. Phil actually slim down before we met him? Did he used to have trouble getting out the front door? I'd love to see a before picture of this guy.

Worst New Addition To The English Language
Metrosexual

Do NOT take this the wrong way. I have no issues with the Fab Five from Queer Eye, or their mission to give stupid women's boyfriends makeovers. I have a problem with the cute little word they made up that they think is going to solve all the men's problems. Is it me, or is "metrosexual" not that far off from being just a hip, politically acceptable way of calling somebody a fag?

Most Overplayed Song
TIE!! The White Stripes & Evanescence

The White Stripes get a Golden Power Glove for their song, "Seven Nation Army." It wasn't a bad song when I heard it in moderation. But now that their brand of indie pop is the new "in" thing, the song is inescapable.

As for Evanescence, I don't care how hot you think Amy Lee is. Too much of that "Bring Me To Life" song is starting to make the novelty of a semi-goth metal band fronted by a pretty girl wear thin.

Worst Desecration Of A Classic
The Cat In The Hat

Remember the Cat In The Hat cartoon that Chuck Jones did? Remember how great it was? Remember how faithful it was to the Dr. Seuss book, while still managing to add some great elements & songs of its own without totally screwing everything up? It'll take about a hundred re-viewings of that cartoon to rid your mind of any bad cat memories after seeing this terrible flick. Worst of all, Mike Myers can't seem to get rid of that generic almost-Scottish impression.

Best Album By Someone Who's Famous For Something Besides Music
Steve Burns

Remember that kids' show, Blues Clues? This is that Steve. When news broke that this guy was putting out an album, we expected something really hokey. That is, until he finally releases some music from the album, "Songs For Dustmites." It turns out that he enlisted the help of his friends, the Flaming Lips, to record some surprisingly great songs! And after taking a look at his self-made website, we find that Steve is also blessed with a hilarious wit... & a strange fondness of squirrels.

Worst Album By Someone Who's Famous For Something Besides Music
"Macho Man" Randy Savage

In the tradition of professional wrestlers who have made an attempt at music, the Macho Man's album, "Be A Man," is hilariously terrible. It's a rap album, which is understandable. That's really the only style of music someone with a voice like Randy Savage's can really get away with doing. But considering this has little to do with his wrestling career, aside from his anti-Hulk Hogan title track, this is STILL a ridiculously cheesy effort. Stick to the Flying Elbow Smash & leave the rapping to the professionals. They can take a bullet to the face. To the FACE!

Best Video Nobody Was Supposed To See
The Star Wars Kid

This is the story of a poor fat Star Wars geek who videotaped himself pretending to be in an epic light saber duel. Then some of his peers got a hold of it & put it on the internet, where it spread like wildfire. That doesn't surprise me at all. I saw that happen at college. Yes, I just went there. What surprises me is that he videotaped himself in the first place. It's not so much the fact that he was fighting imaginary bad guys. We all do crazy stuff when nobody's watching. Some of us sing in the shower. Me... ok, I'll admit it... I play in an entire air band when nobody's watching. Sometimes I even air swordfight like this guy. But I'd never videotape me doing it!

Why yes, there was a runner-up for this category. Don't worry. She didn't go away empty-handed...

Most Useless Celebrities
Paris & Nicky Hilton

The Hilton sisters are rich & famous celebrities because their parents own the Hilton hotel chain, & that makes them the official heiresses to the fortune. That's it. That's all they do. I mean, sure, it's great that they can pull off being hot while managing to keep their natural breasts. That's big girl power points for them. But I'd really wish they'd just stop standing there looking pretty & actually DO something.

Best Cover Of Don Henley's "The Boys Of Summer"
The Ataris

The Ataris are another band that had a great major label debut this year. It's just that nobody really paid attention, because everybody was already listening to them, anyway. This just scored them more airwaves. The band's cover of the Henley classic may have been overplayed like crazy during the summer, but come on, idiot. You're allowed to overplay songs about the summer during the summer.

Worst Cover Of Don Henley's "The Boys Of Summer"
DJ Sammy featuring Loona

It's not that I believe that there are some songs that shouldn't have dance remixes. If you can do it right, then by all means, good for you. DJ Sammy did not do it right. "The Boys Of Summer" has absolutely no business being played at that generic techno pace. It sounds more awkward than anything else that might have resembled rave-o-licious, or even ravetastic.

Worst Thing To Happen In Asia Since Godzilla
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome

Known more commonly by its street name, SARS, this disease killed some number of people in China that probably isn't a big number for them, but it's a lot as far as we're concerned. So when it broke out in Canada, we got a little too crazy. My sympathy goes out to Asia for having that many people die at once by something other than giant lizard feet.

Best Weapon Against Terrorism
Duct Tape

"Hi, boys & girls! I am Duct Tape Man, Defender of Liberty! Do you know what you should do if a terrorist ever threatens to hurt you or the ones you love? That's right! Buy lots of duct tape & cover the crap out of your windows & doors! Don't let them know you're there! Remember, kids: duct tape is like the Force! It has a light side & a dark side, & it holds the world together!"

This has been a message from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Worst Weapon Against Music Piracy
TIE!! The RIAA & Metallica

The RIAA doesn't like you downloading copyrighted music off of the internet without paying for it. So what do they do? The same thing anybody would do. Pick on a 12 year old girl until you stop. "Stop downloading songs, or the girl gets it!"

Meanwhile, Metallica had their own brilliant plan to keep their biggest fans from downloading their new album, "St. Anger." The brilliant plan? Making it suck as much as they possibly could.

Best Album I Actually Paid For, With Real Money
The Network

From the far corners of the earth, the members of the Network were gathered to bestow excellent music upon the people of this planet. Who exactly are they? It's not that hard to figure out, & I knew the answer long before you even heard about them. Scene points! But the truth is, who cares? This collective's debut album, "Money Money 2020," (that's two-thousand-twenty) brings back the retrolicious new wave of 80s bands like Devo to a new generation of pop-punk kids. Frankly, if you don't like this album, you might as well not like music. You don't... hate... music... do you?!

Worst Case Of Necrophilia Since Puff Daddy
Missy Elliot

Ok, you know what? I wasn't too happy about Aaliyah dying either. She was a young kid, & she was actually pretty decent & stuff. And hot. But I don't need to be reminded that she's dead & you miss her every time you open your mouth to say something. I've met emo kids who can move on more quickly than Missy "Misdemeanor" can.

Best Reality Show Contestant Named After A Race Of Fish People From The Legend Of Zelda
Zora from Joe Millionaire

She's the one on the right. And yes, that's the only reason why I wanted her to win.

Worst Waste Of Characters
The Matrix: Revolutions

The Matrix: Reloaded introduced us to a whole bunch of new & interesting characters that we assumed would be further developed in the final chapter of the trilogy. Instead, we see them for about 10 minutes each, so that there's enough time for Jada Pinkett-Smith to show off in her stupid ship.

Best Lead Midget
Michael J. Anderson

Midgets are supposed to be funny & crazy little guys. HBO's new series, "Carnivale," twists that stereotype & makes Samson here the no-nonsense head honcho of the carnies. Michael J. Anderson has almost as much straight-faced charisma as freaking John Wayne, & I couldn't help but find myself have complete & total respect for the little guy.

Worst Hiding Spot
Saddam Hussein

I was so hoping that they'd find him in a red & white striped outfit & Buddy Holly glasses. (sigh) I get my hopes up so high, sometimes...

Hey, while we're talking about Saddam...

Worst Way To Get Back At The Dixie Chicks
Toby Keith

Ok, for those of you who have sense enough not to work in a music store & therefore be exposed to country music, allow me to explain. The Dixie Chicks said some crap about being embarassed to have George W. Bush as their President. Toby Keith didn't like that. So he found a Photoshopped pic of the one chick getting hugged by Saddam & used it as the backdrop for one of his shows. That was his comeback. I'd expect that kind of crap from a Something Awful forum goon.

Best Radio Personality
Matt Cord

Matt Cord is the afternoon drive guy at Y100 in Philadelphia, which, for those of you keeping score at home, is where I interned this summer. He wins this award for outstanding display of blunt honesty on the air. Of course, there's his now infamous interview with one Fred Durst, during which he straight up told the Limp Bizkit frontman that he didn't like his new stuff. Fred's reply? Basically about 5 minutes worth of dumb variations of "I had sex with your mother." Sure, I've used that comeback before, too. Then I turned 13.

Another noteworthy moment is when Matt interrupted Metallica's "St. Anger" about 20 seconds into it & started talking about how terrible the song & the rest of the album were. Then he faded into "Enter Sandman." I only wish I had thought of it first. And, you know, had a radio show to do it on still.

Worst Punk'd Victim
Bruce Willis

Some of Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd pranks were actually pretty clever. But the dirtiest one of all was wooing the mother of Bruce Willis's children! I still don't know how he did it.

Most Annoying Fanbase
Clay Aiken

It's not so much that I don't like Clay. It's that I'm sick of his sore loser fans. I really didn't think it was fair that Clay has got more hype & attention than Ruben has. I thought the fat guy was actually pretty awesome. Not that I paid any real attention to American Idol until, like, the last 3 episodes. But come on, ladies. Clay Aiken is not that much of a looker. Ok, maybe when you're standing next to a big fat black dude, you look a little cuter to some people. But Clay's bad hair days make mine look good. And I haven't had a good hair day in... oh, about 6 years.

Most Annoying Anti-Fanbase
Avril Lavigne

OK. WE GET IT. SHE'S NOT REALLY PUNK ROCK. NEW TOPIC, PLZ.

Most Overdue Breakthrough
Fountains Of Wayne

These guys have been around since the mid-1990s, & enjoyed a mild popularity, but I always thought they deserved more recognition. So Fountains Of Wayne did what anyone would do in their situation... write a song about a MILF.

Most Mispronounced Recording Artist
Josh Groban

Every adult comtemporary music fan thinks this opera singing chump is amazing, & yet more than half of them don't even know how to say his name. My colleagues & I have developed an embarassingly lengthy list of Josh Groban mispronunciations, including "Josh Goobin," "Jeff Brogan," "Jeez Brody," & my personal favorite, "Josh Brolin."

Goonies never say die!

Best Reason Not To Get Up & Go To The Bathroom For 4 Freaking Hours
Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King

You don't need to hear me tell you how awesome Lord Of The Rings was. All I'm going to say is that the final chapter of the trilogy also received the awards for Best Really Really Long Ending, Best Use Of Those Giant Elephant Things, & the Don't You Die On Me, Mr. Frodo... Goonies Never Say Die Award.

Worst Display Of Patriotism
Freedom Fries

"Hi! I'm a proud American who didn't go off to fight for our country in the most excellent war in Iraq, but that's not important! What's important is that the French are a bunch of sissy cowards, & so I refuse to include their name in this delectable side dish! Now if only I could meet a girl who would Freedom kiss me!"

Worst Reality Check
Michael Jackson

Seeing the King of Pop go completely insane & watching his life go down the toilet like this breaks my heart as an 80s kid who got enjoyed Captain EO, played the crap out of the Moonwalker video game, & still wishes he had enough spare change to afford that red jacket from the Thriller video. At least now I know why he looks like Skeletor. He weighs 120 frigging pounds. The dude don't eat right!

Best Fight Scene
Kill Bill: Volume 1

There are few things in life more exhilirating than washing a hot female ninja assassin slice the living crap out of about 50 bad guys & their hot female ninja assassin leader. This is my new close 2nd favorite fight scene of all time. My number one favorite?

Doyyyy!

Worst Tribute Album
A Different Shade Of Green

Inviting fans to take part in a Green Day tribute album was a great idea, but the final result was put together so poorly, it's not even funny. First off, half the bands just did a chord-for-chord cover by the book, which has to be expected, but kind of defeats the purpose of it being a tribute album when you put too many of them on there. Secondly, there weren't any songs from "Insomniac." This is mostly because the bands on Skunk Ape Records, the label that put out the tribute album, were given preference, & one of them did frigging "Rest." I think that was just them showing off that they have heard Green Day's first album. Lastly, they could've fit more than 14 songs on that disc. They could've easily had 20 & still have room for that hidden track, which wasn't as funny as it really should have been. I could make a better tribute album than this, & I don't even know how to play the guitar.

Best Jab At Bennifer On Basic Cable
South Park

John of Restless Youth gave an award to SNL's Tina Fey for Best Bennifer Slam On Network Television, so I decided to commend South Park for topping the cable-side bashing. If you haven't seen it, Cartman's left hand develops a split personality as a J-Lo clone who is much more of a Puerto Rican stereotype than Jenny ever was. "I like tacos & burritos!" The best is that Ben ends up dumping real Jen for hand puppet Jen. "Mom! Ben Affleck's naked in my bed!"

Oh, & speaking of those two...

Worst Line In A Movie
Jennifer Lopez

In that movie, "Gigli," that nobody saw but everybody claimed was terrible, Jennifer Lopez actually utters the line, "It's turkey time! Gobble-gobble!"

I have no further comment. That can stand on its own. Quack quack!

Worst Sloppy Seconds
Christina Aguilera

You probably missed it, but she kissed Madonna, too. We only saw the end of it, though, because the camera guys thought that seeing Justin Timberlake's reaction to the kiss with Britney, which, of course, was much more of a shocking moment. Nobody cares that Christina kissed a chick. She sings songs about women's degredation in the media while she shakes her naked butt in the camera. Now that's dirrty! With two R's!

Best White Chick Who Sings Like A Black Chick
Joss Stone

This British blonde has a voice more fit for soul music than some black girls I know. So much, in fact, that she put an album of her own songs on hold so she could record with some covers with some legends of the genre, including a funky version of a White Stripes song. She changed it to "Fell In Love With A Boy," though. It doesn't even rhyme anymore. Oh well, her album, "Soul Sessions," is still awesome, if you're into that kind of stuff at all.

Worst System Crash
The East Coast Blackout

See that picture? That's North America from space on August 14. See that dark spot where New York, Ohio, & some other places should be? That's what happens when you cross the streams, Peter!

Best TV Commercial
Miller Lite

Great taste! Less filling! Yes, I'm sorry to say that as a heterosexual adult male, I have been swayed by the antics of Kitana Baker & Tanya Ballinger over here. Yes, I looked up their names. So which one's right? I'm going to have to go with the brunette on this one, folks. Miller Lite, like most light beer, does NOT taste anything remotely close to "great," or even "good." I don't care what the pretty blonde girl says.

Worst TV Commercial
Mitsubishi

The 2003 Eclipse commercial, with the raver girl doing that crazy go nuts rave dance in the passenger's seat. What IS that? And how is it supposed to make me want to buy a car? This might as well have been a public service announcement to bring a designated driver when you're going to pop some ecstasy.

Worst Taco-Shaped Appliance
N-Gage

Somebody must not have been satisfied with having to keep their cell phone & their Game Boy in separate pockets. So they decided to combine the two in the awkwardly shaped N-Gage. It's fine if you're going to play games on it, but using it as a phone is a little trickier, & makes you look retarded. On the bright side, at least those E.T. Atari cartridges buried in New Mexico might just get a new neighbor to play with soon.

Album So Good God Couldn't Let Them Live
The Exploding Hearts

Meet the band that would've been the best thing to happen to punk rock since the Clash if three of them hadn't been killed in a car crash this past July. And yes, I knew about them before that happened. I'm not some Kurt Cobain posthumous wannabe fan. The Exploding Hearts' first & last album, "Guitar Romantic," was technically put out in 2002, but only in vinyl. The CD came out in April, thus entitling them some recognition. The Exploding Hearts brought back the spirit of the '77-era punk of the Clash & the Ramones in such lo-fi goodness. If you consider yourself even a little bit of a punk, you should really pick up a copy of this album. You'll thank me later.

Worst Use Of Other People's Music, But It's Ok Because They Signed The Waiver
Limp Bizkit

Early in the year, Fred Durst held a contest to get a new guitar player for his band. Nobody won, but he didn't hestitate to use all the new guitar chords he picked up from the contestants to write a batch of new songs for a piece of crap he likes to call "Results May Vary." How appropriate. There's nothing good about this album. See that green thing? That's the cover. The songs? Whiny & bitter, especially the one that's apparently about Britney Spears, who Fred claims to have made out with. Yeah, guess what. I made out with Britney Spears, too. We even got married. It was awesome.

I didn't even know the Living End came out with a new album until a couple of days ago, so I'm only going to assume that none of you knew about it either. It was released in October & is called "Modern Artillery." Needless to say, it's awesome, but I'd expect nothing less from the Living End. Easily my favorite band from Australia.

As for Copperpot, they're a power pop band from North Jersey that reminds of some kind of Fountains of Wayne & Jimmy Eat World hybrid. It's an acquired taste that I acquired very quickly a few years back. Their new self-titled album includes a lot, maybe too many songs from an earlier EP, but the stuff that fills in the gaps is efficient enough to make me a satisfied customer. Plus the inclusion of the reworked song "Breathe," from singer Jarrett's earlier band, Tocar, was a pleasant surprise to find at the end of it.

Best Video Game, Duh, Like You Didn't Know Which One I Was Going To Pick
The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker

Considering this is the only game in the current console generation that I've played for more than 20 minutes, of course I'm going to pick it. This is my official introduction back into the video gaming scene. People will tell you that this game isn't good for stupid reasons like the cel-shaded cartoony look, or the excessive similarity in gameplay to Ocarina of Time, or the fact that sailing is really boring, or some other stupid reason. These people are all whiny brats. The only bad thing about the Wind Waker is that it might be too short, & the side quests don't hold enough water to the main objectives. But while part of me can do without getting every single Heart Piece, part of me wants to see the whole game. Maybe not get every last stupid treasure, but at least read every dialogue. Everything good you've heard about the Wind Waker is absolutely true, & it's going to be my new favorite for a long time.

Best Video Game I Haven't Played Yet, But It Sure Looks Awesome
Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time

This will most likely be my next purchase. Super Smash Bros. can wait. I want to play something new, & I've never paid much attention to the Prince Of Persia games before. This one's neat, in that you can use the magic Sands of Time to rewind & pause stuff so you can try it again if you screw up. It looks & sounds like a beautifully done game, & I only wish more were done like this instead of frigging Doom.

Worst Movie
From Justin To Kelly

A lot of bad movies came out this year. But some of them deserved to be made, just for the sake of existing. We needed a Hulk movie. We needed a bad Bennifer flick. Even Terminator 3 had a fairly decent excuse for existing. There was absolutely no feasable reason to put the two American Idol finalists in a "Beach Party" ripoff. Disney miniseries, maybe. Motion picture? Absolutely not. This movie was crap since its conception, & thus is the absolute bottom of the barrel of 2003.

Best Movie
Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl

This was a tough decision to make. There were a handful of outstanding movies among the rubbish this year, & in the end, I went with "Pirates" mainly because I was expecting it to be utterly stupid. A movie based on a theme park ride was not supposed to be this good. This took good & added chocolate syrup. It has all the elements for great moviemaking, & totally made up for that crappy all-pirate Superbowl.

Biggest Pansy
David Gest

I don't care how drunk she was. It's Liza Manelli. Liza frigging Manelli. And she beat the crap out of him. The prosecution rests.

Biggest Loser
Gray Davis

Congratulations, California. You replaced an actual politician with the Kindergarten Cop, a man from Austria who thought it was funny when he said "Chill out!" as Mr. Freeze & can't even pronounce the name of your state right. Gray Davis, consider yourself, as the kids say, 0wn3d.

Biggest Idiot
THREE WAY TIE!! Mohammad Saeed al-Sahaf, Jayson Blair, & Scott Weiland

Al-Sahaf is a big, funny idiot, for his "Everything is fine! Nothing is ruined!" speech, when there's practically soldiers waving hi to their moms behind him.

Jayson Blair is a big, stupid idiot for making up quotes because he's too lazy to get story filler that actually has to do with the story. If he were smart, he'd have made up the people, too. Duh.

Scott Weiland is a big, messed up idiot for trying to smuggle drugs into frigging rehab. Now the rest of STP refuse to get back together with him because he's a big moron. What a sad way to end a killer band.

Best Tribute To Nostalgia
I Love The 80s

As far as I'm concerned, the most entertaining 20 hours of television in 2003 had nothing to do with 2003. My only regret is that I'm not famous, because I could've added about twice as much input as Hal Sparks, & you know it. Though I must say, it's interesting how much I've found that I have in common with Jenna Von Oy. Oh, Six, we'll be together soon! <3

Mike

mike @ progressiveboink.com
AIM: mike fireball 0

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