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Fox Television is truly an enigma. Overseen by an eccentric Australian arch-conservative, it’s nevertheless a company willing to take a chance on some of the most subversive, avant-garde programming on network television. Then it cancels that programming to make way for shows about performing recreational activities with D-list “celebrities.” I can’t wait for Kathy Najimy Presents: Synchronized Swimming, featuring Paul Prudhomme and the black dude from Becker. Is it going to come back on another network? Goddammit, I hope so. But assuming otherwise, here’s our list of the 25 best moments on a series full of great moments. Be forewarned, if you haven’t seen the show, there are some spoilers ahead, but also be aware that if you haven’t seen the show, we are going to kill you in real life.
When I was
about eleven years old, my friend Sean and I used to make “prank
calls” that usually consisted of calling 1-800 numbers and either
hanging up when an operator picked up or having the organizations
behind the 800 numbers send pamphlets to one another’s house.
I’ll never forget the rush of dialing the Hank Williams,
Jr. fan club (1-800-FOR-HANK; number obtained from the back of a
ratty T-shirt our bus aide, Annetta, used to wear) only to slam the
receiver into the cradle the second I heard a human voice.
At one point, we decided to bring Phone Club out of the
basement and move on to actual “prank calls.”
All was well until I called 1-800-FLOWERS and asked in a
goofy voice if they sold flowers.
The operator told me the police would be coming to my house
in the next fifteen minutes. I
spent the rest of the day wracked with fear and dread, planning to
intercept the police at the door before my mom could answer it and
tell them they had the wrong house.
Needless to say, they never came. 24. Save our Bluths!
By the middle of the third
season the episode order had already been cut in half, the show
wasn't being aired for weeks at a time and everybody save the most
faithful knew the writing was on the wall. Not to miss a golden opportunity,
the writers used the remainder of the third season to poke fun at
lesser Fox shows pulling better ratings than theirs. Entire episodes
were designed to parody swill like "Prison Break," and if
you paid attention you could catch a few shots taken at
"Skating with Celebrities," too. 23. Tobias' agility
Even as an avid
Mr. Show fan, I’d never really been aware of David Cross’
skills as a physical comedian. On
Arrested Development, he seems to be the go-to guy for extreme
physical comedy, and he’s great at it; his slipping on Lucille’s
drink in “Ready, Aim, Marry Me” is the first time I’ve laughed
at a pratfall in probably more than a decade. 22. But he's not embarrassed to be seen with that girl?
Michael is concerned that George Michael is embarrassed of being seen with him in the Bluth family stair car. After discovering that his father bought all of his siblings company cars of their own, Michael heads up to the attic and confronts his fugitive father. After telling George Sr. that George Michael doesn't want to be seen with him, George Sr. refutes his allegation by citing George Michael's girlfriend Ann as true cause for embarrassment. Instead of taking offense or coming back with some wry comment, Michael is taken out of his train of thought and concedes that even he doesn't know what the story behind that is. 21. George, Sr.'s funeral
Ill-advised plans getting mixed up with misunderstandings and becoming a huge spectacle are a running theme on Arrested Development. This happens to be one of the more spectacular ones. 20. Tom Jane just wants his kids back
Ever since Adult Swim
became one long unfunny non-sequitir and everybody stopped giving a
shit, awkward has been fighting to ascend random atop the overused
comedic device pantheon. While more venues of 'entertainment' have
dared try and cash in on the trend than I'd see fit, a handful of
television shows have been able to turn the format into success.
Curb Your Enthusiasm and the original Office broadcast are regarded
as the first two comedies to really make people cringe just as much
as laugh, but I'm of the opinion that Arrested Development perfected
the medium. Not because of their material, but with how the
characters responded to moments that would make regular people start
banging their heads against a table to help relieve some tension. 19. Ann dumps George Michael
Michael Cera is brilliant. 18. The literal doctor
Anybody unfortunate enough
to spend more than five minutes at a time with me can attest to my
utter proclivity for cramming as many bad plays on words into every
sentence I spew forth from that unholy amalgamate of bile and
alcohol I call a gut. There's nothing I like more than a clever word
joke, which is why the literal doctor is my favorite in the show's
stable of hilarious ancillary characters. 17. Baby, you got a stew goin'! I love that the
guest stars on Arrested Development are just as game as the regular
cast in terms of willingness to commit to the material, no matter
how foolish it might make them look.
Meanwhile, the Showtime movie Hot
Ice, with Anne Archer, could totally exist. Also, I’m
glad to see that Carl Weathers finally got that surgery so that his
lumpy right forearm is no longer a foot longer than his left!
And his new prosthetic hand, so lifelike! 16. Tobias the analrapist
Sometime between now and
when I go crazy and kill a bunch of people, "Is Tobias
gay?!?" is going to join that elite rank of annoying questions
ignorant people always ask because they've not the capacity for
abstract thought alongside such gems is "Can he see the
tiger?!?" and "Is he really Tyler?!?" They never
reveal his sexual preference simply because that'd take away the fun
of the character. Having a gay guy come up to me and ask to zing his
arrow into my buttocks would be sort of awkward, yeah, but I'd take
it more as complimentary than anything. Now when a married man with
a child does it and then tries to backpedal, it's an entirely
different breed of humor. Take the business cards he
had printed up for his analytical therapist practice, for example.
If a raving sex fiend were to hand you an "analrapist"
card, there'd probably be cause to get to the nearest well lit area
and call for help, but when its a timid unemployed actor with euphemism
issues, we all just chuckle and go "awwww." 15. Tony Wonder
Maybe his
mother was violated by a magician as a child, because Mitch Hurwitz
sure does seem to carry an axe to grind. The Magician's 14. Singles City
The only thing funnier than escalating
desperation is increasingly inappropriate escalating desperation.
GOB’s
inability to recognize his failures—huge mistakes aside—and
similar inability to recognize what’s appropriate for the
workplace is a big part of what makes him so instantly likable in
spite of his glaring character faults.
And that’s what’s great about the characters on Arrested
Development. Every
character is a caricature of a type—the bitchy matriarch, the
spoiled sister, the fey academic—but the hyperbole of their many
failings paradoxically keeps them relatable and gives them their
humor. And honestly, how
funny is the name “ 13. Hot Cops
Prior to inadvertantly
landing a job as a waiter as a result of a joke gone too far, GOB's
career history consisted of magician and stripper. The closest he'd
come to putting in a legitimate day's work was when he was employed
by the "Hot Cops," a local group of strippers whose
gimmick was that they all dressed up as sexy upholders of the law.
Upon arriving at his first client's motel room, GOB bangs on the
door and verifies his identity as that of a police officer. As soon
as he bends down to start the music for his routine, a round of
buckshot goes flying through the door no more than a foot above his
head, and he slowly backs away from the scene. 12. Franklin Comes Alive Arrested
Development isn’t afraid to joke about race, gender, or
any other sensitive topic. And
not in that Eddie Griffin way of “compare and contrast the
races” or that Blue Collar Comedy way of “I ain’t racist, I
make fun of ever’body ha ha ha ha!” or certainly in that Carlos
Mencia way of “OH I’M SORRY DID I OFFFEENNND YOU?! I GUESS I
DON’T FIT INTO YOUR LITTLE P.C. LEFT BOX etc. etc.”
It’s just a show that’s willing to poke fun at many
things, and race happens to be one of those things.
GOB’s
black puppet voice is great, as is his genuine heartbreak when 11. GOB mails the letter
I love GOB. I especially love moments like this where we get to see that his penchant for the overdramatic isn't just a gimmick he uses for his act or to impress people. When charged with the delivery of a simple piece of mail, he determines that the only way to prove his worth to his brother would be by failing to accomplish even the most primitive of tasks assigned to him. As opposed to murmuring for Michael to go fuck himself before tossing the letter in a nearby garbage pail, GOB finds it 100% necessary to take his Segway scooter down to the shore and attempts to hurl the letter against a strong gust into the ocean. Never mind the fact that its a ridiculously stupid gesture to begin with executed in about the worst way one could ever hope to do so, nobody around him knows what he's doing - or even cares for that matter. The only satisfaction to derive from doing something like this would be entirely self-fulfilling, but I guess if you're ignorant to stage something like this in the first place it doesn't really concern you anyway. 10. Have some sex with her right now.
What really strikes me as
most unfortunate about the show's premature cancellation would have
to be the writer's incapability to explore every inter-personal
relationship between the nine principal characters. Much time was
dedicated to fleshing out the relationship Michael maintained with
the rest of his family, but it wasn't until the show's twilight
episodes where we got to see any real development in the bond
between characters with no real common ties that bind them. Holding
off on pairing up two people for the sake of a throwaway joke showed
incredible foresight on behalf of the writing team, but since we
never got to see any dynamic form between characters like Buster
& Maeby, for example, there left many open-ended questions and possibilities
to be explored. My favorite irregular
pairing would have to be between Tobias & George Michael. Both
serve as whipping boys to their respective branches of the Bluth
family; each willing to forego conviction and self-respect at the
drop of a hat. However, when put into a situation where they were to
play off one another, Tobias assumed the role of the aggressor. It
says a lot about a person's character when the only time they're
able to attain personal vindication is through bossing around a kid
so awkward and nervous that even Bart Simpson beat him in the school
election. This scene, in particular, demonstrates that relationship at its zenith. Tobias, sensing George Michael's reluctance to discuss sex, attacks his libido like a rabid dog; perhaps as compensation for having his own heterosexual ambiguity constantly being called into question. Then, feeling particularly satisfied for not only besting a fifteen year old kid, but probably the only person on the show with more self-esteem issues than his own, manages to fuck everything back up after yet again failing to recognize his irregular speech mannerisms. 9. GOB's chicken dance
The running gag
of GOB’s chicken dance, later extended to include Lindsay, George
Sr., and Lucille, is yet another example of Arrested
Development’s superiority over other shows.
Where a gag like the chicken dancing might in a lesser show
come off as a strained, self-conscious attempt at wacky, staged
awkwardness, the sheer devotion of the actors to something so wholly
ridiculous overcomes that. It’s funny
because it’s so absurd, and Michael’s reactions during the
chicken dances only add to the humor, cementing Jason Bateman’s
perfection of the role of straight man.
He carries himself with an exasperated incredulity in the
tradition of Oliver Hardy and Bud Abbott, and his barely audible
comments during the dances are the icing on the cake.
“Those aren’t even birds!”
Gold, Jerry! Gold! 8. Yes...the boy's...father...
For as much as I love the
show, I can't help but understand why it never earned the seal of
approval from Armchair Q. Public & company. When most people
watch television, scripted comedy in particular, they want to be
able to jump right in and not miss a beat. What made "Two Guys,
A Girl & A Pizza Place such a runaway smash hit was the
audiences' ability to tune into any episode and immediately become
immersed with that lovable Berg and his wacky antics! Arrested
Development never afforded viewers that same luxury, opting instead
to set a joke up only to not reveal the punch line until sometimes
upwards of several months later. That's not to say every joke was
subtle, exactly, but when you're competing for airtime with dreck
like "The World's Smelliest Bride II" you can't really
risk alienating potential viewers. One of the show's key plotlines through season two revolved around whether Buster was the legitimate child of George Sr. or if he was fathered by George Sr.'s hippy brother, Oscar. While most shows would play this for intrigue, Arrested Development took things in an entirely different direction, opting to instead play a brief couple bars of cheesy music every time a not-so-subtle hint was dropped. Normally when a show does that "winking at the camera" thing to the audience to let them know they're in on the joke it drives me crazy, but this was played to that perfect level of absurdity that by the end of the first episode, the question had been put to rest and only the blissfully ignorant Buster was left none the wiser. 7. COME on!
Let’s see,
how can I reword “GOB’s an asshole and is totally unaware of it,
which allows for maximum humor laughs!” yet again?
The inflating claims at his suits’ prices are funny enough,
but it’s the delivery that really sells this one.
My roommate’s name is Michael, and I am at this point I
think genuinely unable to say his name in a way other than GOB’s
drawn-out, overdramatic “MIKE-ulll.”
Similarly, I defy you to not take up saying “COME on!!”
any time you’re in disbelief about anything whatsoever after
watching this episode. 6. The Final Countdown
I’m not sure
if the character of GOB is supposed to be a clever inversion of the
stereotypical creepy uncle who does magic tricks, but whether he is
or not, his character serves to demonstrate my position on magic:
it’s best left to people who have not yet hit puberty.
The corniness of magic is amplified by GOB’s ineptitude,
and this is brought to a head in the reveal of what exactly GOB’s
act entails. Perhaps the
funniest part, though, is that he doesn’t even do any magic; Will
Arnett feigning super-earnestness while incompetently dicking around
is both hilarious visually and an indication of GOB’s character as
a whole—he wants so badly to do well, but all it amounts to is
hopeless fumbling. 5. The fire sale audition
Sometimes
editing can be funny. I
feel like I can say with some certainty that David Cross improvised
this bit, too. And on
top of it all, “Amazing Grace,” oh God.
I remember not long after September 11, my hometown of 4. George Michael's campaign video
Despite his well- meaning demeanor and best intentions, Michael couldn't help but control George Michael any less than George Sr. controlled his life as a child. Whether it be having him work at the frozen banana stand, trying to
separate him from his girlfriend or entering him into the school election in an attempt to live vicariously and capture the glory he felt he deserved but never
received during high school. Of course, Michael didn't count on George Michael running against
GOB's bastard son, Steve Holt! So, with the threat of George Michael' self-esteem dipping even lower, Michael hires
GOB to handle the promotional aspect of his son's campaign. GOB uses this as a chance to slander the other participants, going so far as to ask the Indian kid whether or not his video was filmed in a cave. 3. Kaiju!
George Michael is strapped
into an out-of-control jetpack and Tobias is ravaging a miniature
city built by GOB and Buster in an attempt to trick a group of
Japanese investors into putting money into the Bluth company.
Explaining the circumstances surrounding how this all comes together
would take far too much time, but does represent the perfect example
of how a show somewhat grounded in reality and well written dialogue
can throw convention out the window and hit you in the face with
some of the funniest surreal physical comedy you'll ever see. The
characters are all animated enough to put most traditional cartoons
to shame as it is, so when you throw them into a completely
outlandish situation like this it only amplifies their personalities
to the point where you'll apologize for lumping a show so good into
a genre inhabited by such garbage. But hey, "The King of
Queens" is a pretty funny show too! I like it when George's dad
yells at the black guy! 2. George, Sr.'s lessons The term
“dysfunctional family” is such an auto-comedy cliché and I’m
sure it’s been used in at least 3/4 of all reviews of Arrested
Development, but it is the Bluths’ dysfunction that provides a
lot of the comedy. The
lessons are comically bad parenting, but also hint at the heart of
the show: good
intentions, clouded by imbecilic execution.
Just as GOB wants nothing more than to make his dad proud or
Lindsay wants to stand up for various causes, so does George, Sr.
want only to teach his kids some life lessons.
The traumatizing lengths he’s willing to go to to ensure
that young Michael, Lindsay, and GOB keep their voices down or leave
notes about being out of milk are extremely funny, but the joke is
paid off brilliantly. The
Hot Cops and Michael’s prompt, premature end of the lesson give
way to the grander lesson, and the reveal of the arm thrown on the
dock was about the moment I realized:
this is the cleverest show that’s ever been on television. 1. George Michael and Maeby kiss
Maybe I’m just turning into a middle-aged woman, but I am a sucker for will-they-or-won’t-they romances culminating in a kiss. I damn near cried when Tim and Dawn finally kissed in the finale of The Office. What’s so brilliant about Arrested Development is that they make you care about the characters but are still willing to fuck with you because you care. George Michael and Maeby kiss in the pilot episode, but it’s pretty meaningless. By the time they finally kiss in “Righteous Brothers,” the last episode of the second season, it’s been a long time coming. You so want George Michael and Maeby to be able to express their feelings for one another, and then they do, and it’s just as beautifully awkward as anything else in the series; I know of no other show that’s ever been on television that’s been so evasive about something like the possibility that the main romantic arc of the show may be incestuous. Granted, the revelation in the final episode that George Michael and Maeby are not blood relatives may be seen as something of a cop-out, but really, the show so involves the audience in their story that it would just be downright upsetting if they turned out to be directly related. |
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Justin
