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howry_doin: and then Aramis goes, "Howie my friend I WANT THE MONEY" and starts doin' the funky chicken around the podium |
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Oxymoron87: oh my fug i woulda been el-oh-ellin' at that!!! |
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howry_doin: I know, it was the funniest thing to happen to the Cubs since we signed a guy named "Felix Pie." |
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**Online Host**
Soriano4_2004 has entered the chatroom.
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Soriano4_2004: Hey guys, what's up? |
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howry_doin: Not much, Alf, just going over some of the funnier moments in Cubs history. |
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grin_and_barrett: Like when Jeremy Papelbon thought he was being watched by "Cubs Scouts" and accidentally learned how to tie knots and make popsicle birdhouses at camp for an entire summer. |
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TheEyreUpThere: or when we realized Mark Prior's skin was an event horizon and merely a figurative concept of an imaginary boundary |
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howry_doin: and then we had to call in Stephen Hawking for some kind of proof that Prior could in theory pitch next season |
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Oxymoron87: and then that guy talked in robot voice
he was all beeeoowwwwww
i was el-oh-ellin' like a felon (like those commercials) |
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Soriano4_2004: hahah, how about the time you let Dusty Baker coach you for four years? |
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howry_doin: hey now |
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Soriano4_2004: or that time when you blamed the bad thing that happened on a goat |
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Soriano4_2004: and how Ernie Banks must be kept alive like Steve Austin because you promised to put him on the roster if you made the Series |
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Soriano4_2004: and now his arm is made out of old Del Monte cans because you're the Cubs |
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Oxymoron87: what the f |
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howry_doin: hey now that's not very nice. We aren't the best team, but we're finally spending money to get good! That's how it works! |
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Soriano4_2004: just jokes you guys
Besides, it says in my contract that if I make a Cub laugh over the next 60 months I get an extra $250,000. |
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Oxymoron87: get the f out |
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Soriano4_2004: no, it's cool. My contract is LOADED with incentives. 250 grand for an all-star vote, 75 for a gold glove, 300 grand for MVP. |
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Soriano4_2004: 700 grand and a rocket car if I put on Kerry Wood's jersey and pitch a game. An extra 3 if I pretend to go down in a heap! |
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howry_doin: yeah we've been rotating that for years, the real Kerry is suspended in green water and wires in an underground bunker. |
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Soriano4_2004: The deal also includes a hotel suite for road games, so I can have wacky misadventures with my twin sons Zack and Cody. |
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TheEyreUpThere: so you're gonna try really hard? Are... are we gonna be uh, good? |
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Soriano4_2004: hahaha no but I will hit 60 homers and retire in disgrace with my billions to disgrace you all or something |
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Oxymoron87: the el-oh-ellin degeneres show starring your host me |
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**Online Host**
ReadOnlyMemory has entered the chatroom. |
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ReadOnlyMemory: /bow-legged squat with hands in the air
SHOW ME THE MON-AAAAAAY |
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Soriano4_2004: an extra 400k for accepting Jerry Maguire quotes |
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ReadOnlyMemory: Do you want this jacket? I don't need it. I'm cloaked in failure! |
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Soriano4_2004: cha-ching |
