JON'S SECTION OF THE BILL RIPKEN FUCK FACE ARTICLE.

written by Jon - october 7- 2003

Hey, guys and girl.  Jon here.

I work at RadioShack, where we sell televisions that have been used as display models for two years.  On said televisions we played our promotional DVD, known as ShackTV.  ShackTV was basically a fake television station that endlessly looped three main themes:

1.  A cell phone superimposed on a graphic that made it look like it was being advertised during the opening credits of Saved by the Bell, with the voice of some guy yelling GREAT DEAL ON A WIRELESS PHONE.

2.  Richard Karn embracing the role of the Ghost of Christmas Husky, who teleports to RadioShack unsuspecting citizens about to throw away their cordless phone batteries rather than recycle them.

3.  The RadioShack XTREME FAN CONTEST.

Former baseball great Cal Ripken and baseball kind of good Bill Ripken are passionate about finding the most XTREME baseball fan.

"So you think you're baseball's most XTREME fan?"

"PROVE IT."

It's too perfect for words.  Cal asks the tough question, and then the camera swings left and Bill Ripken Fuck Face brings it home.  It's kind of like when God gave Man his Ten Commandments, and he was all "THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR" and then Job was like "YEAH."

The uniforms are equally classy.  The Ripken boys look like they belong to a league invented by Vince McMahon, in which the final 45 feet to home plate is a Slip 'n Slide, and  instead of bases there are venomous tigers chained to stakes in the ground that the player must defeat in combat before he can reach safely, and the players are encouraged to date the third-base coaches.  Oh yeah, also, the fans are encouraged to be wild and crazy. 

WHOO PRIMARY COLORS ARE NUMBER ONE

A RadioShack XTREME FAN is so wild and crazy that he wears Green Bay Packers jerseys and paints his face with the color scheme of teams that don't exist.

A RadioShack XTREME FAN is so wild and crazy that she doesn't shave her armpits, and wears the basketball uniform she used at the correctional facility.

And a  RadioShack XTREME FAN is so wild and crazy that he strips naked and masturbates whenever his favorite player hits a home run.

This is what BILL RIPKEN FUCK FACE is all about.  And I'm pretty sure that besides me and B, these were the only fans BILL RIPKEN FUCK FACE ever had.

lol i'm pickeing my nose

-Jon
Jon@progressiveboink.com
AIM: Boiskov