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fLORIdA: Talk. |
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girardi_and_cola: Well, they actually won today. So that puts them at what, 2-6? |
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fLORIdA: Ha haaa! I love it! So who's in second to last place and by how much? |
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girardi_and_cola: Uh, that's the thing, boss. They aren't in last place. They're actually an entire game ahead of the Nationals. |
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fLORIdA: Wait, what? Who the hell are the Nationals and how are they worse than 2-6? |
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girardi_and_cola: They're the Expos, sort of. You know how everyone kind of liked the Expos because they were so bad? The Nationals are the same team except that they suck so much that everyone hates them. |
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fLORIdA: This is crazy. How much is our on-field payroll right now? |
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**Online Host** THIS IS WHAT THE FLORIDA MARLINS ACTUALLY SPEND |
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girardi_and_cola: $14.34 million |
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fLORIdA: How many of our players are making more than the league minimum? |
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girardi_and_cola: 9, and only 2 are making more than a million dollars a year. |
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fLORIdA: Hmm, so we're still underperforming. These Nationals want to play hard ball, do they? We'll see how they like it when we trade our most expensive player. |
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girardi_and_cola: Sir, I respect your decisions, but if you trade Dontrelle Willis you're, well, pretty much trading your brain. He's the only reason anybody comes to games at all. 4 out of every 5 home games have a literal attendance of 0, but when he pitches we draw a crowd of almost 5,000. |
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fLORIdA: To hell with that jive talking fluke. He's a waste of my money. I'm going to call the Yankees and offer him straight up for their single cheapest player. |
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**Online Host** THIS IS WHAT THE NEW YORK YANKEES ACTUALLY SPEND |
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girardi_and_cola: Uh, their cheapest player is making more than any of your starting outfielders. |
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fLORIdA: Well, as soon as somebody tells me that magic number 327,000 he's as good as gone. HAAAA hahahaha!!! |
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girardi_and_cola: Wow. Just...wow. You have to be the worst team owner ever. |
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fLORIdA: I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy counting out Miguel Cabrera's paycheck in pennies. |
