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**OnlineHost** You have entered the Royals' Lone All-Star Representatives chatroom. |
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Ken_Harvey: And in the dugouts they have these big containers of Gatorade. I wasn't sure what the deal was, like whether the manager bought it, or whether I needed to chip in some money for it. I eventually found out that the Gatorade was free. |
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Ken_Harvey: Imagine that. Free Gatorade! They were just giving it out to the players! But then it was over and I returned to Kansas City, and it was back to leaving an open Squart bottle on the dugout steps during rain delays. |
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MamaRosado: What the hell is a Squart bottle? |
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Ken_Harvey: You don't remember those? Oh man, they were great. QuikTrip stores were giving them out in the early 90s. They were water bottles, except the difference was that wait I guess they were just regular water bottles |
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**OnlineHost** redman_tobacco has entered the chatroom. |
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MamaRosado: Hey, there he is! |
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redman_tobacco: hi guys |
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MamaRosado: OK, here's the deal. This is kind of a tradition for us. We rattle off the stats that they decided were good enough to be on a major-league All-Star Team. Ken? Want to go first this year? |
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Ken_Harvey: My pleasure!
/clears throat
2004:
.287 average, 13 HR, 55 RBI, defensive play at first base with the approximate prowess of a jolly, 250-pound garbage can. |
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MamaRosado: My turn.
1997:
9-12 record, 4.69 ERA, a repertoire that fully consisted of a fastball, beanball, and intentional walk.
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MamaRosado: Then two years later in 1999:
10-14, 3.85 ERA. Added "just holding onto the ball for a while" to my arsenal.
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redman_tobacco: Whoa. How did you get to the All-Star game twice? |
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MamaRosado: It's the rule, kid. Each team has to have at least one representative at the All-Star Game. |
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redman_tobacco: wait a minute
so are you telling me that a 5.59 era isn't all that good
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Ken_Harvey: 5.59? Christ! None of us were ever that bad. There has to be some other reason Guillen picked you. |
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redman_tobacco: i think i'm going to be sick |
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Ken_Harvey: Oh well. Have fun pitching .3 innings, giving up a home run to Dave Magadan or whoever, and costing us home-field advantage in the World Series! |
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redman_tobacco: gulp |
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**OnlineHost** You have entered the American League All-Star Game chatroom. |
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redman_tobacco: hi coach |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: Hey, are you that guy with the 5.59 ERA I asked for? |
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redman_tobacco: yes sir i am |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: Oh, well, here you go. |
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**OnlineHost** OzzieOzzieOzzie has punched redman_tobacco in the gut. |
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redman_tobacco: /urnk |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: oh whoops sorry in hispanicland that means "hi what is going on" |
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redman_tobacco: /wipes blood from nose
oh i see how that could happen, "clash of cultures" etc |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: Right on. Hey, want to hear a joke? It's kind of a dirty one, hope that's cool. |
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redman_tobacco: yep always down for a joke! |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: cool, cool |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: So a guy walks into a bar and |
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**OnlineHost** OzzieOzzieOzzie has pulled out a gun and shot redman_tobacco in the throat. |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: latin passion |
