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**OnlineHost** You have entered the Kansas City Royals Front Office chatroom. |
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BuddyIcon: You know, we're never going to rebuild unless we start getting smart about things. We're cutting costs but we're not developing good young players. That's the one thing that, by definition, we absolutely have to do as a rebuilding team. |
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allard_back_youngun: I agree. That's why we're going to start making decisions with help from PECOTA. |
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BuddyIcon: What, you mean the mathematical system that projects the potential and future worth of players? |
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allard_back_youngun: Uhmm...the uh...the what? I was talking about the ex-Royal who rides around on a custom chopper bike giving advice to general managers everywhere. |
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**OnlineHost** An engine is heard revving in the distance... |
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allard_back_youngun: Here he comes! WE MUST HEED HIS WORDS |
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**OnlineHost** PECOTA has entered the chatroom. |
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PECOTA:
HRRRRYEEEEARRHHH
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BuddyIcon: What in the shit? |
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PECOTA: SILENCE! PECOTA SPEAKS |
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allard_back_youngun: Yeah! Silence! |
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PECOTA: /dismounts bike
/stands motionless
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allard_back_youngun: ... |
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BuddyIcon: ... |
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PECOTA: PECOTA SAYS! YOU ARE TO DIG A HOLE, TWO FURLONGS DEEP, IN SHALLOW CENTER FIELD |
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PECOTA: IN THIS HOLE! YOU ARE TO PLACE A BASEBALL GLOVE, A JASMINE ROOT, TWO HUNDRED DOMINICAN DOLLAR BILLS, AND A PICTURE OF A FIRE TRUCK DRAWN BY YOUR ELDEST CHILD |
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PECOTA: THEN LEAVE! AND WAIT FOR EIGHT DAYS. ON THE NINTH MORNING, RISE FROM YOUR BED AND SEARCH THE HOLE FOR A VERSATILE UTILITY INFIELDER |
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PECOTA: FOR MANY YEARS HE WILL SERVE AS A VALUABLE DEFENSIVE HAND AND HELP OFF THE BENCH |
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PECOTA: DO NOT GET HIM WET OR FEED HIM PEANUTS |
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allard_back_youngun: It will be done, PECOTA. |
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PECOTA: /stoops to gather handful of dirt
/opens palm, watches which way it blows
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PECOTA: THE PECOTA WILL NOW DEPART YOU
/rides off in direction of wind
HRRYYEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHH |
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**OnlineHost** PECOTA has left the chatroom. |
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BuddyIcon: Is...is he real? |
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allard_back_youngun: More real than you could ever imagine. Now make haste! Gather the ingredients! I'll start digging! |
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BuddyIcon: Where the hell am I supposed to buy jasmine root? |
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allard_back_youngun: I don't know, but don't half-ass it. Theo Epstein tried using snakeskin instead of fish scales, and he ended up with a shrieking, hairless man-beast who spawned flesh-eating scorpions from his belly button every nightfall. |
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BuddyIcon: Take it easy, I don't want Julian Tavarez on our team any more than you do. |
