 |
WhatsCohenOnYouGuys: That's Mike Piazza's second home run of the year. And there we see the Padres' latest AAA call-up, a cutlery set, high-fiving Piazza in the dugout. |
 |
first_spitter: I'm not going to say that cutlery sets belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout. |
|
**OnlineHost** Eloise@thePiazza has sliced his hand open on a knife. |
 |
Eloise@thePiazza: GYAAAAHHHHH |
|
first_spitter: See? And I mean, there you go. That's what those damn knifeholders do. That's how they work. You reach out to them and they just cut you down. |
|
WhatsCohenOnYouGuys: For the record, the Mets organization acknowledges and celebrates the presence of cutlery sets in society and in baseball. |
|
first_spitter: Not me. I'm sorry, but I'm not just going to sit here and watch some tomato-dicing peel scorer mess up baseball. |
|
WhatsCohenOnYouGuys: Whoooah. How about we tone things down a little bit? |
|
first_spitter: Go ladel some creole, gaywad! See, you can't even call a cutlery set a sharpbox without the PC police being all "ooooh be respectful of the feelings of others oooooooohhh" |
|
first_spitter: I'm gonna tell all you people out there the same thing I told the knifeholder back home. "Listen here, you old shank! I'm not your goddamn cutting board! You want to go mince some watercress, you do it with that old board of wood down the counter! You two get along so damn well!" |
|
first_spitter: And it's like all I wanted my whole life was a kitchen counter, a pretty little cutlery set, nice little serrated edges, knives arranged properly in the slots, nice lil blade sharpener in the back
/sobs |
|
first_spitter: FARBERWARE PRO FORGED 14-PIECE KNIFE SET WITH BLOCK YOU FUCKING BITCH I HATE YOU |
|
first_spitter: OHHHH GOD I FUCKED UP BAD. I LOVE YOU I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU
/dissolves into tears |
|
WhatsCohenOnYouGuys: Hey now, buddy. Come on. Let's, uh, find you a nice girl or something. You know, a human being. |
|
first_spitter: Nah, I prefer my romantic partners to be inanimate objects who do not challenge me personally or intellectually. Now if I ever caught a woman in the dugout, so help me I'd just |
|
Eloise@thePiazza: I should probably go. |
