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IRS: Now Mr. Grimsley, the nature of your crimes involving the use of amphetamines and steroids are severe. For starters we're going to have to- |
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GrimFandango: I know how the game is played. I'm not saying another word until I have full immunity, in writing, from the President. |
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IRS: What? No, that's not- |
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GrimFandango: All right, all right, just don't hurt my wife. I'll give you the names. |
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IRS: /looks around Well, all right. |
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GrimFandango: Last year I pitched for the Baltimore Orioles, and, well, I was kind of a big deal. I knew I could get amphetamines from the Latinos. The Chili-shitters. |
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IRS: I can't believe it. Mora? Chen? Lopez? All users? |
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GrimFandango: All of them. And Miguel Tejada kept pushing B12 on me. It was always, "EAT THIS NUTRITIONAL YEAST, CHOLO." I was a victim. |
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IRS: Of course! This explains Baltimore's incredible skill! |
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ChinesePhonebook: Yeah, okay, whatever. I remember watching Grimsley bury his face in a pile of growth hormone and snort it. |
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Rigo_Suave: Grimsley always tells the truth! Even when he lies! |
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GrimFandango: uh, hey guys |
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ChinesePhonebook: one time Lee Mazzilli caught him sticking a vitamin in his butt and Grimsley pulled out this MACHINE GUN and was all like BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA |
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Rigo_Suave: that's why we have a new coach now |
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ChinesePhonebook: That's right, he's a stone cold killer. Jason Grimsley frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. |
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Rigo_Suave: Grimsley's tears cure cancer ... too bad he's never cried! |
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ChinesePhonebook: Jason Grimsley starred in the film "Firewalker" |
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IRS: This is certainly an unbelievable story. But since he named the, what was it, "chili-shitters" as the criminals, I'm going to need more information about what's been going on. |
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ChinesePhonebook: Yeah, okay, sure, I'll ask Melvin Mora in just a second, hold on |
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ChinesePhonebook: /gives up 1,000 runs |
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ChinesePhonebook: Melvin, do you remember when Jason Grimsley pitched middle relief for us last year? |
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MoraTheSame: I don't know, man. I'm busy with my kids. I don't see the TV too much. I have two kids home with fever. I don't have time to think about what Jason said or why he said it. |
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GrimFandango: Hey Melvin! Did you get my Christmas card? |
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MoraTheSame: what who's there, I heard speaking but the children clinging to my breast distracted me, I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I'm too busy to read that sentence you just typed. |
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Rigo_Suave: Yeah Jason, you oughta remember, Melvin goes on the DL every few weeks because he is sick and busy with life stuff |
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MoraTheSame: I'm sorry if you could all just
be quiet for a moment I have to stir this chicken noodle soup,
it's food for the soul you know. |
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GrimFandango: OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT |
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IRS: See what? A strong, bronzed man taking care of his family? Mr. Grimsley, what you're doing is pathetic. You cheated in the most unimportant way possible and unless John Halama gets metal teeth and starts fighting James Bond in front of me, you're lame and should be ashamed of yourself. |
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GrimFandango: well I think you misunderstood me when I said "latin players," what I mean to say was "barry bonds" |
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IRS: Oh now give me a break, you can't- |
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GrimFandango: shit did I type barry bonds, sorry, I hit ctrl+v and forgot I'd been typing an essay about the great American hero |
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GrimFandango: what I meant to type was "Chris Sabo." he keeps amphetamines in his goggles |
| SaboToothTiger: wait what | |
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ChinesePhonebook: Oh, yeah, that's your guy. |
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Rigo_Suave: Yep, he gave us all steroids. |
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IRS: Yes this makes perfect sense now |
| SaboToothTiger: Now hold on! Melvin, say something! | |
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MoraTheSame: one second, I am giving birth to a lamb |
Photos
link to player info. |
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