**Online Host**
You have entered the Survivor: Philadelphia Phillies Starting Rotation Tribal Council chat room.

Mad_Probst_Yo: Welcome, pitchers.

Let's cut right to the chase.

Dastardly_and_Utley: i play second base

Mad_Probst_Yo: If I may direct your attention to the tiki torches in front of you, you'll see that they are on fire.

Fire. Represents life.
Your life.
As a starting pitcher in this game.

manuel_labor: the problem, fellas, is that we got 6 starters, and only 5 spots in our rotation.

using my expertise in the field of base ball statistics and some quick number crunching, i've deduced that that is 1 too many.

Mad_Probst_Yo: At the end of tonight, one of you will be voted off the starting rotation.

And into the bullpen.

GarciaRealSoon: /gulp

the b-b-b-bullpen?!?

manuel_labor: you see i was checkin' out our relievers earlier today and noticed that they consist entirely of flash gordon, that feller with the 6 fingers, and like ten people who throw like my grandmother.

LukewarmSkywalker: whoa dude your grandmother is still alive?

manuel_labor: no.

that is how bad they are.

Mad_Probst_Yo: Several of you have been granted immunity based on your overall performance in the past.

And also Jamie because it's included in his social security check.

MoyerBodyGirl: Thank you Jesus!

/goes to bed early

Mad_Probst_Yo: Also granted immunity from this Tribal Council vote...

COLE.

LukewarmSkywalker: sa-weeeeet!

future hall-of-famer right here, bitches

tank_top: Bullshit why's he get survivors immunity

It's cause he married that one chick who was on your show isn't it. It's his stupid wife's fault. /cracks knuckles

Mad_Probst_Yo: No. It's because he asked out former "Survivor" contestant and "Playboy" cover girl after she threw the first pitch at a baseball game.

While he was out of uniform and on the disabled list. Of a minor league affiliate. Of the Philadelphia Phillies. Not to mention he looks like the Jesus kid from Clerks II whose girlfriend told him they couldn't have sex because she had a "pussy troll."

And he got her to marry him.

He also has a whole web page full of Chuck Norris-esque facts that was compiled during his rookie year.

That is enough balls to load the bases.

ThemsGoodEaton: So then

So then wouldn't you WANT him to go to the bullpen?

Mad_Probst_Yo: I am talking about testicles, Adam.

Mad_Probst_Yo: Brett is safe because he seems to have grown his facial hair and eyebrows in to look like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's. This can logically allow him to lead the team to a division title buried somewhere in the ocean.

tank_top: Or perhaps the Met-iterranean Sea.

Mad_Probst_Yo: Freddy is safe because every sportswriter who picked the Phillies to win the division has specifically named Freddy Garcia. Despite that he hasn't thrown a fastball over 85 mph since like, July.

GarciaRealSoon: august you son of a bitch

Mad_Probst_Yo: That leaves us with just two pitchers left: Jon Lieber, and Adam Eaton.

It's time to tally the votes, and see who survives ... and who relieves.

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the first vote

ADAM.

ThemsGoodEaton: /bites nails

This can't be happening man
I can't go to the bullpen!

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the second vote

JON.

LieberToHeaven: Whoa, calm down, kid. Neither of us wants this, but breathe a little. It isn't that bad in there.

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the third vote

ADAM.

ThemsGoodEaton: Have you ever been back in the bullpen in Philly, man?

I've heard things. Terrible things.

Stories. Of unending torture and heckling.

tank_top: Oh for fuck's sake

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the fourth vote

JON.

tank_top: I'm tired of hearing about how fucking terrible and pessimistic Philly fans are. I'm tired of every writer or blogger who has ever mentioned Philadelphia sports reinforcing that image with the same two old ass stories about throwing D-batteries and booing Santa Claus. Get the fuck over it already

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the fifth vote

JON.

tank_top: I think it's a great place to play. If you screw up, the fans will put you back in line. It's like tough love. When someone tells me I suck, I try to show them I don't. It fuels me. You can't pay attention to it. You can choose to focus on the negative part, or the positive: The fans are the way they are because they care.

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the sixth vote

ADAM.

ThemsGoodEaton: huh, yeah

it's actually kind of laughable when you put it that way

well, you talked me into it. i want to do what's best for my new team. and if that means middle relief, then that's

Mad_Probst_Yo: /draws the seventh and final vote

JON LIEBER. It is time to extinguish the flame of your career as a starter.

ThemsGoodEaton: hahahahahaha
booyah! sucks to be you, old man!

LieberToHeaven: /groan

Oh all right.
Takin' one fer the team in this chat

Least I make more money than Ryan Howard.

tank_top: See, you got all worked up for nothing

Don't make a habit of that in Philly, kid. You're not exactly safe from the tough love in the dugout, either. Security may have lowered their tolerance for obnoxious fans, but

LadyCop: Rest assured that the finest security staff in Philadelphia will be ready and able to ensure your safety.

tank_top: Bitch don't you ever fucking finish my thought for me again

LadyCop: I hate baseball so much.