**OnlineHost** You have entered the Los Angeles Dodgers clubhouse chatroom.

TOMKO: so you know when eric gagne left the team last year, guess what i told him

Gonzo: Lay it on me, Rube!

TOMKO: i said

"gagne! you're gone! yay!"

Gonzo: Yr. full of shit! I can smell shit a mile away from pigs in uniform like you.

What's all the hubbub by Sweeney's locker?

TOMKO: i think the reporters are still grilling him about the game-ending error he committed the other day, they just won't stop

Gonzo: /takes drag off a Dunhill, blows smoke while talking

Superb!

TOMKO: what are you talking about, he's our teammate and he's having a tough time.

Gonzo: I get ironically excited about things that are terrible!

Come on, Rube, let's listen in.

MarksWeenie: ...once again, I guess I just forgot how many outs there were. It happens. That was two days ago; I was hoping you guys would forgive me for it by now.

THE_ASSOCIATED_PRESS: Forgiveness is irrelevant. Your comments have been assimilated.

/writes news piece

MarksWeenie: /reads

Are you serious? I thought the Associated Press was supposed to use a sort of detached, formulaic voice.

MarksWeenie: You described a "firestorm of acrimony directed at reporters." I just checked. You've written millions of articles and have never used the phrase "firestorm of acrimony" before.

MarksWeenie: And look at this.

"The issue might have died right there, had Sweeney given his side of the story after the game. Instead, he left the clubhouse while the media was in manager Grady Little's office."

MarksWeenie: Ouch! I've never seen the freaking Associated Press get defensive! Did I hurt your feelings? Did I find the AP's weakness?

THE_ASSOCIATED_PRESS: Feelings are irrelevant. Please stop hurting our feelings.

MarksWeenie: You're faceless! You're worthless! Everyone skips over your stupid newspaper stories because they lack local perspective! I use your business cards to play paper football!

THE_ASSOCIATED_PRESS: AGGGGHHH

**OnlineHost** THE_ASSOCIATED_PRESS has exploded.

Gonzo: You blew him to Kingdome Come, Rube! Really showed that whore-faced spook you mean Business!

MarksWeenie: Yeah. At least there aren't any more reporters to deal with.

Gonzo: Then the Time's ripe for Gonzo Journalism!

MarksWeenie: Um, all right. Fire away.

Gonzo: /reflects upon outrageous personal experiences that probably are not true

MarksWeenie: Aren't you going to ask me any questions or anything?

Gonzo: /relentlessly capitalizes one-syllable abstractions such as Truth and Fear

MarksWeenie: AGGGH STOP IT

Gonzo: /crams short passages of disjointed prose together so critics will say "it throttles you at a breakneck pace"

MarksWeenie: AAAAAHHH

**OnlineHost** Everyone else in the clubhouse has exploded.

Gonzo: Hahahahahaha!!!!

Gonzo: Wearing sunglasses and a funny hat while the world goes to shit!!!!