**OnlineHost** Welcome to New York Mets Chat!

RickeyAndTheHendersons: heyyy julio franco! did you hear the news?

Francold: /funnels Red Bull into catheter

No, what's up?

RickeyAndTheHendersons: rickey hennerson's your new hittin coach! rickey hennerson wanted to make sure it's not awkward for you, bein older than your hittin coach and all

Francold: Don't worry, I'm older than God. He's always asking me whether the universe existed and what it was like before He came into being, whether I was lonely, whether I'm glad He showed up, etc. On the awkward scale, this is nothing.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: rickey hennerson's glad to hear that! rickey hennerson rememmers the last time he played ball, gettin razzed by the rookies, hearin' em say "rickey hennerson is boomhauer if he was 80 and black and real fast", that shit cuts like a christmas story icicle

Francold: Who's Rickey Henderson?

RickeyAndTheHendersons: rickey hennerson! it's m...

its m--

it's rickey hennerson!

Francold: I don't understand what you're saying!

RickeyAndTheHendersons: i

i mean rickey hennerson, /sigh

/points furiously at self

Francold: Are you pointing at someone? I can't see who you're pointing at over the Internet!

RickeyAndTheHendersons: dammit this person is rickey hennerson

Francold: All right, sorry. I can't resist having fun with your whole third-person thing.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: maaan rickey hennerson don't know nothin about first person, rickey hennerson was a left field person

Francold: Well, you're going to have to drop the third-person. We already have a third person; I'm sure you've met David Wright.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: aw man you can't take the third person away from rickey hennerson! rickey hennerson never sees with his own two eyes, rickey hennerson imagines a camera up and behind his left shoulder he manipulates with a lil old analog stick

RickeyAndTheHendersons: real useful when rickey hennerson has to kill zombie monsters, one time i was up to bat, carl pavano came at rickey hennerson, so rickey hennerson pulled out a shotgun and let him have it, rickey hennerson made sure he bought it at a high price

Francold: I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: well whatevs, if rickey hennerson can't have the third person let him have second person

Francold: No can do. Jose Valentin's at second. It's a good fit; he pretty much spends all his time talking to himself anyway.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: well hell, which grammatical self-reference doesrickey hennerson get

Francold: Hmm...let's take a look at the depth chart.

/peruses

Francold: pshpshpshpssshhhhh...okay...

All right, you can refer to yourself in the 79th person. That one's open.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: so what is the 79th person

Francold: If I recall correctly, you must relate all personal reference and experience as observed by Wilson from Home Improvement. Grammatical law is very specific about this.

RickeyAndTheHendersons: well okay, rickey hennerson thinks he can live with that

**OnlineHost** Later, in the batting cages...

DudleyDoWright: Like this, Mr. Henderson?

/swings

RickeyAndTheHendersons: you know, david, i'm reminded of the baseball player ricky hennerson, who once said "you should develop more of an open stance"

DudleyDoWright: Like this, Mr. Henderson?

/swings the exact same way

RickeyAndTheHendersons: you know, david, i'm reminded of the baseball player ricky hennerson, who once said "you're a god damned moron"

DudleyDoWright: David Wright is such a dummy! David Wright will never hit the baseball!