**OnlineHost** You have entered the 2007 MLB Draft chatroom.

bud_is_wiser: I'd like to welcome everyone to this year's amateur draft! As you all know, this event is being televised for the first time, which has jolted no small amount of electricity into the air!

**OnlineHost** Silence.

**OnlineHost** Old man in back of room throws pretzel.

bud_is_wiser: I will be supervising the proceedings personally, and am overjoyed to be part of this momentous occasion in the history of

bud_is_mother: ALLAN! DYOO AND YOR FRIENDS WANT SOME RASPBERRY COOKEEEES???

bud_is_wiser: No, mom.

bud_is_mother: DID YOO WASH BACK OF YOR NECK

DID YOO TAKE YOR MEDISIN PILLS

bud_is_wiser: Jeez, mom! You're bothering us!

bud_is_mother: /hobbles upstairs

I'M CHECK ON THE COOKEEES

/hums old-world folk tune

bud_is_wiser: /adjusts glasses

Ahem. Without further delay, I'd like to commence the 2007 Major League Baseball draft!

bud_is_wiser: This year, we're introducing a special feature to the draft. One or more "special guest star" representatives will be announcing their teams' selections!

bud_is_wiser: First in the draft order is Tampa. I'm happy to introduce their special representatives. Please welcome Don Zimmer and...uh...Bay Dave Martinez?

bud_is_wiser: Is that a typo? Has to be a typo.

MasterBayDave: no way dude, the barely memorable outfielder formerly known as "dave martinez" decided he needed a slick new name so he traded the devil rays' spot for it

zimmer_down_fellas: /falls down draft order

bud_is_wiser: All right. With the first pick in the draft, Tampa Bay selects nobody.

Next up is Kansas City. I'm proud to introduce their representative, Frank White!

WhiteFrankly: Thank you, Mr. Selig. With our first pick, we would like to select--

/looks down at piece of parchment in hand

WhiteFrankly: Um?

/glances backstage

PECOTA: /mouths "NIRNROOT" enthusiastically

WhiteFrankly: /glances back at parchment, shakes head

Four husks of Mongolian nirnroot.

bud_is_wiser: What a weird thing to draft.

Okay, screw this draft order, I'm not going to waste the first thirty-minute TV block so that the Cubs can draft a box of peanut brittle or something.

bud_is_wiser: Next up...the Mets.

strawberry_whine: /stumbles aimlessly onto stage

bud_is_wiser: wait no

strawberry_whine: hey man

bud_is_wiser: /sigh

What is your pick?

strawberry_whine: a size 12 shoebox full of crack

bud_is_wiser: No.

strawberry_whine: ok then len bias

/eyes wander

/wanders off stage in direction eyes just wandered

bud_is_wiser: Okay...let's do the Phillies. They seem relatively safe.

Please give a warm welcome to their representatives, Robin Roberts and Dallas Green!

various_slang_for_money: /pushes an urn containing Robin Roberts' ashes in wheelchair

bud_is_wiser: Yeah, I was going to ask if he was still alive. He was born in like 1300.

various_slang_for_money: Bud, I appreciate you allowing me to do this. It's a very nice symbolic gesture that I'm proud to be a part of.

various_slang_for_money: With that in mind, I'd like to defer this selection to Mr. Roberts.

various_slang_for_money: /holds urn aloft, wobbles lid of urn to mimic talking mouth

HOW ABOUT THAT MIKE SCHMIDT FELLA? HE'S A REAL TEDDY BALLGAME!

bud_is_wiser: Off the stage. Off!

various_slang_for_money: You didn't even let us pick, you dummy!

/crows out of corner of mouth

YOU'RE THE DUMMY!

/pratfalls off stage

bud_is_wiser: i hate baseball

Okay. Um...New York Yankees. Go.

HowardTheDick: hey

bud_is_wiser: Who are you?

HowardTheDick: yankees great frank howard

bud_is_wiser: Are you serious? You were a Yankees clubhouse assistant for like two years.

HowardTheDick: /shrug

bud_is_wiser: All right, well who's your pick

HowardTheDick: brien taylor

bud_is_wiser: The Yankees have picked Brien Taylor every year since 1992.

HowardTheDick: /shrug

bud_is_wiser: /massages temples

Okay, I'm making a new rule. From now on we won't have drafts anymore and all the current players will have to play until they are dead, and then baseball will be over.

various_slang_for_money: AAAHH

bud_is_wiser: What now?

various_slang_for_money: DARRYL STRAWBERRY JUST SNORTED ROBIN ROBERTS UP HIS NOSE

strawberry_whine: aw shhhhhit

i got some robin in my noggin

strawberry_whine: so now you gotta put me in the hall of fame right