bud_is_wiser: Barry, despite my transparent shunning of you this season, the Hall of Fame really should recognize your achievement.

bud_is_wiser: And since you yourself are not entering the Hall as long as I'm dragging my ass around this planet, I'd like to at least put as much of your stuff on display as I can. Bats, jerseys, anything you could give us would be great.

LicenseToPills: um

yeah no can't do that

bud_is_wiser: Predictable, but I'll bite. Why not?

LicenseToPills: well since apparently the hall of fame has nothing to do with barry bonds, i'm going to donate my things to the hall of barry bonds

bud_is_wiser: The Hall of Barry Bonds? Are you talking about that room you have set up in your basement?

bud_is_wiser: I remember seeing it at your dinner party a while back. It's just a baseball bat precariously sitting on your wall atop two hammered-in drywall nails and action shots of you that you printed out on your inkjet and taped up.

bud_is_wiser: Come on. At least let me have that bat there.

LicenseToPills: listen barry bonds is just going to level with you, i'm not giving you any of my stuff because it's been modified to help barry bonds be the best he can be

LicenseToPills: for instance this bat has been hollowed out and packed with strategically placed slinkies

bud_is_wiser: So that's why your bat walks away every time you drop it at home plate. I just figured it hated you.

bud_is_wiser: I think everyone in the world knows you're a cheater, but this is still an important revelation.

LicenseToPills: don't give me that bullpucky, you've turned a blind eye to everyone else but me

need i remind you of this little gem

**OnlineHost** LicenseToPills wants to directly connect.

**OnlineHost** LicenseToPills is now directly connected.

LicenseToPills:

bud_is_wiser: That's a baseball card.

LicenseToPills: that's illustrative documentation that frank thomas has built his career on bombing his freaking bat

LicenseToPills: do you have any idea how much better my game would be if my bat exploded into fire and splinters every time i hit a baseball

bud_is_wiser: That's! Barry! That's a fucking painting!

LicenseToPills: when you're on steroids everything looks like a painting

bud_is_wiser: Well all right. That's 1992 Fleer, right? Explain these while you're at it.

bud_is_wiser:

LicenseToPills: i challenge you to come up with one scenario in which you'd willingly say "forget that tomahawk, i want a wooden stick".

bud_is_wiser:

LicenseToPills: son of a bitch looks like he just beamed into the holodeck

LicenseToPills: it kind of sucks to be under the impression that we're real people with free will when we're really just artifical intelligences in ensign griffey's baseball fantasy

bud_is_wiser:

LicenseToPills: so robin yount makes decoy baseballs spring into the air every time he whistles

remind me never to trust that voodoo he-witch

bud_is_wiser: It's pointless even talking to you about this. Forget it. You've dented the legacy of baseball as a whole and you're not even ashamed of it.

LicenseToPills: /briefly steps out of character

LicenseToPills: i can't really say i'm not 100% guilty of helping to compromise baseball's integrity, but you've been commissioner for most of the steroids era

LicenseToPills: the olympics, the nfl, hell even the world chess federation have been taking the performance-enhancing drug issue seriously for a while now, and you knew this was happening in baseball and you did nothing

LicenseToPills: and now you want to pretend that i'm the only one who had a hand in this. you're not going to be in attendance when i break the record, and you've been shady whenever you're asked about it.

LicenseToPills: so as much as you'll hate recognizing me when i break the record, you'll pretty much be a giant hypocrite if you don't

bud_is_wiser: Fine. I'll be sitting in the park when you hit #756. Happy?

LicenseToPills: /steps back into character

haha no dice old man, the "hall of barry bonds memorabilia committee" has bought every ticket to every one of my games for the next two months

LicenseToPills: actually you know what i should scalp those tickets

AndMyLastName4All:

/hands tomahawk

knock yourself out bro