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**OnlineHost** You have entered the Fenway Park Bullpen chatroom. |
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WrightChaseForAStar: Man, I'm freaking out. I've pitched above A ball like five times and I'm supposed to start at Fenway? |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: have no fear the golden oldy kyle farnsworth has pitcht above two balls since 1983 |
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WrightChaseForAStar: I'd appreciate any advice you have to give me.
/throws changeup
Everyone says that's my best pitch. I think I'll be relying on it. |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: pfff i could throw my great great grandma faster than that an shes dead, grow a dick flat-hat |
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WrightChaseForAStar: But changeups aren't supposed to be fast! |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: quit balderdashin or etcht in my monument park plaque will be me cracken yer molars o'er my fucken kneecap |
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WrightChaseForAStar: /sigh
all right fine |
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**OnlineHost** Chase Wright has thrown a 91 MPH changeup. |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: /thrusts crotch, throws directionless haymakers |
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**OnlineHost** Later, in the top of the third inning... |
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WrightChaseForAStar: /looks in dugout |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: /points, throws imaginary head against knee |
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WrightChaseForAStar: gulp
/throws |
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**OnlineHost** MannyTheTorpedoes wants to directly connect. |
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**OnlineHost** MannyTheTorpedoes has now directly connected. |
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MannyThe Torpedoes:
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MannyThe Torpedoes: /hits ball over Green Monster, plods around bases and back to dugout
hey guys gues wha i foun out |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : Yes. We know. The bases are like pillows. |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: noooo i foun out soming els, i figure out a basbal! !! |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: you don hav to swing at bad pitches you shoud oly swing at a good pitches
if is a good pitch swing har an you hit a rountriber |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : Manny, it's not that simple. You've got to worry about sabermetric principles and all that. |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: if a saber met me id get cut in a bely tell rick to skedadal
rememer wha i said |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : Hmm. All right. |
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**OnlineHost** MyNameIsSlimJD wants to directly connect. |
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**OnlineHost** MyNameIsSlimJD has now directly connected. |
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MyNameIsSlimJD :
/home run |
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LowellAndBehold: i'll be damned |
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**OnlineHost** LowellAndBehold wants to directly connect. |
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**OnlineHost** LowellAndBehold has now directly connected. |
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LowellAndBehold:
/home run |
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tekWar: all right good pitch good pitch good pitch |
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**OnlineHost** tekWar wants to directly connect. |
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**OnlineHost** tekWar has now directly connected. |
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tekWar:
/home run |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : Holy shit, Manny. Four home runs in a row! Do you realize what this means? |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: /picks bubble gum out of hair |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : It means you've figured out the game of baseball! It's so simple! Swing at good pitches and don't swing at bad pitches! |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : Listen, this is huge for us. Monumental. Meet us outside the stadium later tonight. |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: ogay
/stops trying to pick bubble gum out of hair; starts chewing hair |
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**OnlineHost** You have entered the Outside Fenway Park chatroom. |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: you guys havin a coogout |
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tekWar: /throws entire personal collection of Bill James books into massive bonfire
You could say so. All our previous knowledge of baseball is irrelevant. It's all walks and home runs from here on out. |
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LowellAndBehold: yep
/heaves computer monitor displaying baseball-reference.com into bonfire |
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MyNameIsSlimJD : And it's all because of you, Manny.
/detaches prosthetic leg, throws into bonfire
ohhhh shit needed that |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: well now whats cooken in this microwave oven custom bitchen delivery |
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LowellAndBehold: Oh. Farnsworth, right? It's late, don't you have a hotel to be at? |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: kyle farnsworth doesnt sleep he goes around looken for towering infernoes, too bad he has never criet |
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LowellAndBehold: Listen, you shouldn't be here, but I guess we don't have a choice. We discovered the singular truth of the game of baseball that will send it collapsing like a house of cards. |
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LowellAndBehold: It's such dangerous information that we've vowed not to use it for personal benefit, in order to protect this game that we love. |
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LowellAndBehold: For decades, analysts, mathematicians, and physicists have reached for the knowledge we now grasp. And I will tell you if you promise not to |
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pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: nerd alert
/gives atomic wedgie |
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LowellAndBehold: OW OW OWWWW |
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MannyThe Torpedoes: manny seeing fanny |
