**OnlineHost** You have entered the Tampa Bay Devil Rays Spring Training chatroom.

fossum_and_jetsam: /throws Eephus

Maddon2007: Looking good, Fossum. I bet 55% of the world's population wouldn't be able to throw a ball forty miles per hour.

JoshPaulingAround: Coach, you, uh, wanted to see me?

Maddon2007: Yeah. I was looking at the stats and figured out that you're going to lead our team in a statistical category.

JoshPaulingAround: Home runs!

Maddon2007: Being old.

JoshPaulingAround: But I'm 31!

Maddon2007: Yeah, I know. Our farm system is just three giant rooms filled with pregnant women.

Maddon2007: The reason I bring this up is that you're going to have to serve as our veteran leadership.

JoshPaulingAround: Geez! I don't know if I can do this! Jeez! Geez!

Maddon2007: Look, Josh. I know you've had problems asserting yourself before, but you're going to have to overcome it. You can do this. First, I'm going to ask you to visit with some of these younger guys one-on-one. Let me check the roster.

Maddon2007: hmm...born 9/14/85. He's the youngest on the team, let's start with him.

JoshPaulingAround: Who?

Maddon2007: Delmon Young. He's hanging around the backstop right now, I think. Go ahead, talk to him.

JoshPaulingAround: gulp

/goes to talk with Delmon Young

DudeYerGettinADelmon: /finishes hollowing out baseball bat with prison shank

JoshPaulingAround: Hey. Uh!

JoshPaulingAround: Heh. Ignore that exclamation key at the end of that "uh", that doesn't make any sense. Sticky shift key. And, uh, a sticky 1 key. Heh!

DudeYerGettinADelmon: /glares

/feeds reduced fat Triscuits into hollowed-out baseball bat

JoshPaulingAround: Whatcha got there?

DudeYerGettinADelmon: gimme some triscuits

JoshPaulingAround: I think I have some in my locker. Let me go get them!

**OnlineHost** JoshPaulingAround has left the chatroom.

**OnlineHost** JoshPaulingAround has entered the chatroom.

JoshPaulingAround: Got some! Here we go!

DudeYerGettinADelmon: got some arredy

/scoops Triscuit out of baseball bat

JoshPaulingAround: sigh

Well, uh, they uh, heh, they wanted me to go around and talk to all the young guys on the team. And who's more young than Delmon Young! Heh heh! Heh!

JoshPaulingAround: ...

DudeYerGettinADelmon: /hiccups

JoshPaulingAround: AAAHH

/jumps a foot in the air

JoshPaulingAround: Heh. So, uh, you like boats?

DudeYerGettinADelmon: what

JoshPaulingAround: Like, fishing boats. Or whatever, any kind of boat.

DudeYerGettinADelmon: man i have better chitchat when i talk to my fuckin dick

JoshPaulingAround: Heh, sorry!

DudeYerGettinADelmon: you say heh on the innanet one more again i'm shove some triscuit up ya biscuit

JoshPaulingAround: H-

Uh, h-

damn it

JoshPaulingAround: ...

DudeYerGettinADelmon: ...

JoshPaulingAround: heh

shit

DudeYerGettinADelmon: no comply bitch

/rears back to heave bat

JoshPaulingAround: /braces

**OnlineHost** Casey Fossum's Eephus pitch has crossed the plate and hit Delmon Young in the head.

DudeYerGettinADelmon: bink

/falls down

Maddon2007: Oh shit! Fossum, you'd better haul ass out of here before Dmitri finds out.

fossum_and_jetsam: okkkk

/turns and runs away in slow motion

Maddon2007: All right, that guy's dead within hours.

fossum_and_jetsam: booooom

fossum_and_jetsam: biiiiiitch