**OnlineHost** You have entered the New York Mets Spring Training chatroom.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: I'm trying to project our team's chances of winning the NL East again. Tom, how many wins can I expect out of you this season?

TheGLAVINATOR: I'm feeling healthy. I'll commit to 15 wins.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: OK, 15 wins. And, uh...

/peers out door into bullpen

Vote4Pedro: /on bullpen phone

Yes. Hall of Fame curator's department? I'm calling to ensure that I won't be wearing a "disabled list" hat on my plaque.

/rests phone against shoulder, fractures clavicle

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: plus...okay...

state_and_maine: /banging head against wall trying to think of new screen name that plays off the state of Maine

/unable to come up with a single pop-culture reference to Maine

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: ...all right...carry the six...

mild_sosa: /tries feverishly to fit hair, Braves hat underneath Mets hat

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: ...plus...equals...

OutaThePark: /pitches through interpreter

TheInterpreter: /pitch misses mark, is contrived

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: /rests pencil

Okay. By my calculations it looks like we'll finish 15-147 this season.

TheGLAVINATOR: Our resemblance to the Knicks grows stronger every passing hour.

OutaThePark: /ball dribbles twenty feet short of home plate

slan-donk!

PorterWagner: pffft more like the queeracle mets

PorterWagner: i could pitch in this rotation i'd kick people in the butt

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: Fuck off, kid, I don't want a retarded jerk-off closer. We're already an overspending team from New York with an ambiguously gay third baseman and shortstop. I'm not interested in turning this team into the poor man's Yankees.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: Hey, what the hell's going on out there?

/peers back into bullpen

**OnlineHost** A fight has broken out over who will get a spot in the rotation.

**OnlineHost** The bench coach is joining the melee.

InstructionManuel: /runs at Pedro Martinez

AAAAAAAAAHHH

Vote4Pedro: what the oh shit

InstructionManuel: /does not fall down

/charges into Pedro Martinez

Vote4Pedro: /stunned

Wow, that's the first time in five years I've come in contact with something without breaking a bone. Good thing you're so skinny.

PorterWagner: pfff more like don slimmer