**OnlineHost** You have entered the Cincinnati Reds Spring Training chatroom.

Narrons_Party: Guys, you might be wondering why we acquired you during the offseason.

SaarLooser: Because you didn't lose enough games last year and you wanted to find pitchers with punnable names containing some form of the word 'lose'?

lohse_cannon: because you mistook our whip for our era

Narrons_Party: Mr. Selig has handed down our assignment. In the interest of increasing fantasy baseball website traffic, this year it's the Reds' responsibility to give jobs to players who are perpetually put on and claimed from the fantasy-league waiver wires.

Git-R-Dunn: Yeah, really. The names Saarloos, Lohse and Griffey ended up being burned into the bottom left corner of my monitor.

Git-R-Dunn: One day I got up from the computer and found that the words were burned into my retina.

SaarLooser: You could have scrolled the screen elsewhere or navigated to a different website.

lohse_cannon: you could have stopped looking at the screen

Git-R-Dunn: Well, I /strikes out

damn it

/strikes out

SaarLooser: You all right, man?

Git-R-Dunn: Yeah, it's just that /strikes out

Fuck! /pounds on chest

/strikes out

Harang: Uh-oh. He's got a case of the strikeouts again. Anyone know any cures?

SaarLooser: Bend over and drink some water from the wrong side of the glass!

lohse_cannon: start a forest fire

SaarLooser: Get someone to scare you real bad!

lohse_cannon: get a blowie from your eldest aunt

SaarLooser: Hold your breath for as long as you can!

lohse_cannon: offer trick bubble gum to a holocaust survivor

Git-R-Dunn: Oh come on, none of that will work /strikes out damn it!

Harang: Yeah, you guys are idiots. Dude, you need someone with more hitting experience to help you out. Hold on.

**OnlineHost** charlie_hustle has entered the chatroom.

charlie_hustle: hey guys what seems to be the trouble?

Harang: Adam here can't seem to get rid of his strikeouts!

charlie_hustle: just stop trying to hit every pitch to Kentucky! I built my career on making contact, not going for a home run every at-bat!

Git-R-Dunn: Hmm. Mike Schmidt said the same thing. I'll give it a try.

/takes a few deep swings

Hey, it's working! Thanks, Pete!

Harang: Yeah, great job Pete. Anyway, we were talking earlier about fantasy teams. You playing in a league this year?

charlie_hustle: yep, sure am! Another player paid me off to throw the team this year, though. You're a pretty decent pitcher so I dropped you from my roster.

Harang: You know something? That's pathetic. You can't even keep from pretend-cheating.

Harang: You have engaged in a variety of acts which have waived Harang, and you must now live with the consequences of those acts.

charlie_hustle: dyowww login failures