**OnlineHost** You have entered the Pittsburgh Pirates Spring Training chatroom.

BayBayKid: We're glad to have you here, Adam. Most of us showed up early. Today's a special day.

PaplaRoche: I can't wait. The first day of spring training is always a special experience.

BayBayKid: It's got to be weird, right? I mean, being a Brave your whole career and then you cross lines to our side. I bet all those people in Atlanta are pressing their tomahawks to the grindstone in abject rage!

PaplaRoche: If your tomahawk were made of foam you'd be upset too.

Listen, to be honest, I wasn't really aware that the rivalry was still alive.

BayBayKid: What? Are you joking? Don't you remember those great playoff games? Sid Bream's slide? Any of that?

PaplaRoche: Well, that was like fifteen years ago. The Pirates don't even have any of that game's players still playing, right? It's just not a big deal to me.

BayBayKid: Hmm. Well, this might seem kind of weird to you. It's kind of an annual tradition for us.

/opens clubhouse doors

BayBayKid: All right, LaRoche is here! Everyone ready?

**OnlineHost** Everyone on the field is toting giant papier-mache skulls on sticks.

jack_sparrow: TODAY WE REMEMBER

god_doumit: /points

Today you are SID BREAM!

/hands Braves uniform

PaplaRoche: What?

jack_sparrow: AVAST! WALK THE BASEPATHS LEST I CUT YE LASS WITH ME CUTLASS

god_doumit: and then we will sail around on a ship and rob people pirate words pirate words pirate words

PaplaRoche: i'm so confused

BayBayKid: Your confusion is irrelevant. Run the bases, captor!

PaplaRoche: Oh, fine.

/runs to first

**OnlineHost** A crowd of underprivileged Pittsburgh-area children flood out of the visitor's dugout wearing skeleton masks and brandishing wooden stakes.

underprivileged_children: /run after LaRoche

/point to mouths

FEED US FEEEED US

PaplaRoche: AAAHH

/runs faster

BayBayKid: Because of your playoff wins our franchise floundered! Our local economy stalled and our underprivileged children now stagger knock-kneed through our streets as a legacy to your selfish ways!

BayBayKid: LOOK UPON THE LITTLE MONUMENTS WHICH YOU HAVE BUILT

underprivileged_children: /chant with eerie uniformity while poking in air with wooden stakes

SID!
SID!
SID!
SID!
SID!
SID!

PaplaRoche: oh holy shit

/rounds third

jack_sparrow: FIRE YE LEFT FIELD CANNON, SCALAWAGS

god_doumit: /runs from left field dressed as giant baseball

PaplaRoche: oh god oh god oh god

god_doumit: /trips and falls short and to the left of home plate

PaplaRoche: /slides safe at home

jack_sparrow: aw crap

BayBayKid: One of these years we'll be able to run a couple hundred feet without falling down.

BayBayKid: Well kids, thanks for coming out! As a special thank-you I'd like to offer you free hot dogs all season...

underprivileged_children: YAAAAAAAAAAYY

BayBayKid: ...at every home Pirates game!!!

underprivileged_children: no thx