**OnlineHost** WordUpThome has entered the chatroom.

WordUpThome: WELL GOODNESS GOSH THAT OPRAH SHOW SURE DID BURN DOWN THE BARN

WordUpThome: IF I HAD REMEMBERED TO BRING A FEW BOXES OF RAISINS WITH ME IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOOD, FOLKS AND FUN

WordUpThome: SPEAKING OF WHATCH I'VE GOT A HANKERIN' BIG ENOUGH TO SAIL A TANKER IN

WordUpThome: /takes cookie cutters from kitchen cabinet

/grabs giant fistful of always-available gingerbread cookie dough from convenient bread box on counter

WordUpThome: GINGERBREAD MEN OUGHT AS WELL TO BE THE HEIROGLYPHS CARV'T ON THE SIDE OF THE USDA FOOD PYRAMID

WordUpThome: /flattens dough, stamps out gingerbread man

gingerbread_man: /stares dumbly skyward

WordUpThome: /stares

gingerbread_man: /stares

WordUpThome: OH SHEESH I CAN'T COME YOU TO HARM

/sets gingerbread man on top of slowly mounting weeks-old pile of unbaked gingerbread men

WordUpThome: LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO WHIP OUT THE OL'D GINGERBREAD POTATO RECIPE

/mashes dough into large oblong clumps

gingerbread_potato: /stares eyelessly and sappily

WordUpThome: /stares

gingerbread_potato: /stares

WordUpThome: OH FOR THE LOVE OF TV TRAYS I CAN'T SEND YOU TO FIERY POTATO HEAVEN

/pauses

WordUpThome: /re-forms dough into big log that fell off a truck on busy freeway that could really hurt somebody if they ran over it

gingerbread_dangerous_road_
obstacle: /stares

WordUpThome: SORRY INANIMATE IGOR, YOU'RE SENTIENT AS A SKATEBOARD

WELL YOU

UH

OKAY JUST GET YOU INTO THE OVEN

WordUpThome: /stands in front of oven

/hesitates

oven: /sits

WordUpThome: OH SHEESH

/stares

oven: /door window emanates forth a menacing red glow

WordUpThome: /timidly reaches for door handle

oven: /door opens of own accord

VAJAYJAYYYY

WordUpThome: AAAHH

WordUpThome: AAAHH

WordUpThome: AAAHH

WordUpThome: AAAHH

/shuts oven door

WordUpThome: /face flushes red

THERE HAS TO BE A MORE POLITE WAY TO COOK THIS SNACK

WordUpThome: /desperately attempts to force gingerbread log into toaster

THAT'S A NO GO CAP'N JI

WordUpThome: JIM

/looks around frantically

WordUpThome: /attempts to light gingerbread log with match

/fails

WordUpThome: WHAT IN THE SAMUEL FUDGE

I HAD ALL SORTS OF MERIT BADGES IN THE BOY SCOUTS BUT IT SEEMS IT WAS ALL FOR KNOT

gingerbread_men: Look, fellas! Mister Jim is in a real pickle!

WordUpThome: HI YOU GUYS

gingerbread_men: You saved us, Jim! Least we can do is return the favor!

WordUpThome: /watches as army of animated gingerbread men hop off counter and over to oven door

WordUpThome: WHAT'S THE PLANLEY STANLEY

gingerbread_men: Now look here! Hold that big ol' rock in your hands! At the count of three we'll open 'er up and you thrust it right in there!

WordUpThome: OK READY

gingerbread_men: Hear that, boys? One...two...three!

/open door

WordUpThome: /shoves

**OnlineHost** The log has been thrust into the oven.

WordUpThome: THANKS FELLOWS

THIS OLD BEAR'S TUCKERED OUT. I'M GONNA GET SOME SHUT-EYE BUT MAYBE THE WIFE WILL COME HOME AND GET A BITE OF MY LOG WHILE I'M SLEEPING

gingerbread_men: Let's head home, boys! That's enough metaphor for one day!

WordUpThome: WHAT'S A METAPHOR

gingerbread_men: For givin' war heroes, silly!

WordUpThome: CHORTLE

/chortles

**OnlineHost** That night, in the Thomes' bedroom...

WifeOfThome: Oh! Baby!

WordUpThome: WHAT IS IT SWEET OBJECT

WifeOfThome: You didn't pass Go last turn! See, you're on Baltic Avenue and you haven't even rolled yet. Take $200 out of the bank!

Stork: /fishes out $200 with beak

WifeOfThome: Jim? Sweetheart, I think I hear something outside the door. Do you hear that?

**OnlineHost** gingerbread_men have entered the chatroom.

gingerbread_men: /clop clop clop

Let's do it to it, boys!

WordUpThome: WOULD YOU FRIENDS CARE FOR SOME MONOPOLY

gingerbread_men: ...

you've got to be shitting me