**OnlineHost** It is night. PECOTA lies on his back, arms folded behind his head, in the middle of a wheat field in rural Kansas.

PECOTA: THIS! IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF ALL PLACES IN THE WORLD

meadowlark: this is boring as fuck

PECOTA: FOOL! YOU FAIL TO APPRECIATE NIGHTFALL ON THE GREAT PLAINS

PECOTA: I MERELY NEED TO STAND UP AND LOOK ABOUT ME; TO OBSERVE THE CURVE OF OUR EARTH! NO OCEAN CAN EQUAL THE MAJESTY OF THIS SEA OF SOIL!

meadowlark: i can hover above the ocean without needing something to stand on you bitch

PECOTA: I KNOW THE SECRET OF FIRE AND SHUT UP

meadowlark: pfft

hey how about you preach me a sermon about how baseball is a virgin bride and how capitalism and greed are the unfit father and husband

PECOTA: MY PLEASURE!

YOU SEE! BASEBALL IS AS A

meadowlark: /falls asleep

PECOTA: YOU DULLARD

WELP! I SHALL ALSO NOW SLEEP BENEATH THESE SALINAN STARS

PECOTA: /slowly drifts off

...

ZZZZZZZZ!

...

ZZZZZZZZ!

...

PECOTA: AAAAAA!HH

/awakens sharply, sits up in cold sweat

meadowlark: SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWWK JESUS CHRIST

PECOTA: PANT! PANT! PANT!

**OnlineHost** allard_back_youngun has entered the chatroom.

allard_back_youngun: The larks scrambled and flew. I heard a scream, so I came.

PECOTA: DEAR FRIEND!

THE APPARITION OF ALLARD BAIRD HAS NOT VISITED ME! IN 4.5 FORTNIGHTS

PECOTA: I HAD A DREAM! A! DREAM OF TERRIBLE THINGS! OF STRIFE; OF CLAMATO; OF DEATH!

allard_back_youngun: So I sensed.

PECOTA: WHAT? DID IT? MEAN???

allard_back_youngun: The AL Central standings...a recognition of your present troubles. The mushroom cloud, the fire-consumed zeppelin, the spread of Nazi conquest...hyperbolic, but true, sentiment of frightening hopelessness that things will ever change.

allard_back_youngun: The bottle of Clamato...well, Clamato is just foul.

PECOTA: YEAH PRETTY BAD

allard_back_youngun: And the horrific image of David Glass...a premonition. A premonition of something terrible.

PECOTA: WHAT? MUST I DO!

allard_back_youngun: Do not ask advice of me. Ask Allard Baird advice, and he will say "acquire Juan Gonzalez for an unreasonable sum."

allard_back_youngun: I know only this: make haste to Kauffman Stadium. Now.

PECOTA: IT SHALL! BE DONE!

¡HYAH!

PECOTASBIKE: vrumVROOOM

/peels away

**OnlineHost** PECOTA has left the chatroom.

**OnlineHost** PECOTASBIKE has left the chatroom.

meadowlark: you know i wasn't always a meadowlark

allard_back_youngun: Oh?

meadowlark: until 1991 i was lloyd moseby

then i fell in ill favor with bill pecota and was transmogrified