Click pictures for player info.
| Harang: Gentlemen, I've gathered you here today to announce that it is obviously I, Aaron Harang, who will start for the Reds on Opening Day. Honestly I don't see another alternative. | |
| Harang: I'm the best starting pitcher in Major League Baseball. I have the technical skill of a mid-career Sandy Koufax and the supple, rippling buttocks of a mid-career Roger Clemens. | |
| Harang: These incredible talents and good looks have propelled me to the 11-13 record last year which we will all agree needs no explanation and speaks for itself. | |
| Harang: To deny me my basic right as a quality ace makes you both overrated and pretentious. Before you respond I want to tell you that your opinion has already disqualified you from being able to speak while looking at me. | |
| Harang: To paraphrase a great thinker, "What the fuck do you know about baseball?" Buck O'Neil wistfully remembers Aaron Harang. Bob Costas has got 200 big words set aside for me. | |
| Harang: Do ordain and establish this starting pitcher as your Opening Day 2006 mother-grabbing cyborg Don Larsen. | |
| Narrons_Party: hmmm | |
| Narrons_Party: As much as I appreciate your pompous speech we're going to go with Eric Milton on Opening Day. | |
| Harang: He only pitched like twice last year and he didn't win either time! | |
| Narrons_Party: Yes, but we need someone epic on opening day, and we read that from Milton in the pair'a games lost. | |
| Harang: I can't believe this. Milton sucks. He's not even as good as Grant Balfour. | |
| Narrons_Party: But he's always walking people. | |
| claussen_effect: Hey, if you pitch that way, that's what's going to happen. |
