Thump
Thump
Thump
"Forget it, man! You can bang on that door all night if you want to. There's no way in Hell I'm letting you in!"
I can't believe you're doing this to me. Shellie, everything we've shared -- it has to mean something to you.
"Oh yeah, it meant plenty. Plenty of nights holding an ice pack to my face where you attacked it. Plenty of lost pay on account of how nobody wants to flirt with a waitress when her face is all swelled up and purple from hammer throws. And if they don't wanna flirt, they don't order their drinks off you. And if they don't order drinks, they don't give tips. And a waitress can't make her rent without tips. Not when all she's getting paid is minimum wage, she can't. I almost lost this here apartment on account of what we 'shared.'
And always getting a fireball shot at you ain't close to what I'd call my idea of good-timing. If you can't understand that, maybe you ougtta take that as a plain-as-your-face hint you got a few screws loose."
I know you're angry. And I forgive that. Without you even asking me to. I know you think all those things you're saying are true. That's why we have to sit down and talk things through. For your sake. No matter what you've imagined about me, please, baby -- isn't there just a little room in your mind for doubt? A little room in your heart... for love? And if not for love maybe for Wendy O.?
"Man, I'm getting a headache just listening to you! It's not me who's having the trouble with reality -- and this sure as Hell ain't no lovers spat we're having here.
There's a difference between getting honked off at a dinosaur king who's generally not so bad -- between that, and finding out you been sweet-talked into bed by a total jerk loser who skips out on a wife he doesn't even tell you about every time he gets himself a castle fortress, which is way too often.
Especially when he's the kind of total jerk loser who's gotta beat up a girl to make himself feel like a man."
That hurt, Shellie. That was cruel.
It's one thing for you to play hard to get. I can forgive that. But don't go trying to cut my tail off. I mean it, baby.
"I ain't playing hard to get. I'm impossible to get -- for you. Do yourself a favor, Bowser-boy, and get help. Like a shrink or something. Get help -- and get lost."
Go ahead and open the door, Shellie. I'll take care of this.
There's only so much abuse a boss can take, baby. Just open the door. We'll talk. You'll see how wrong you've been about me.
Oblige him, Shellie. I'm ready.
"No, Dwight, Jesus, no. You stay out of it.
If he knew you were here with me -- you don't know how bad this could get. Now don't you argue with me. This is my apartment and I'm telling you to stay out of this. I mean it, Dwight."
It's your apartment. But be careful, Shellie. This clown's got a big mean drunk on -- and he's got four Koopa Troopas out there in the hall, breathing hard and just as drunk as he is.
HEY -- I could swear I heard somebody in there with you, just now. You got somebody with you, baby? You be honest with me. You owe me that much. If they try to grab the axe that holds me bridge up so help me --
"Somebody? Bowser-boy, it's a regular Mushroom Kingdom Love-Fest in here. I got me Mario and Luigi keeping me company. You feel like taking them on?"
You're teasing me, baby. I'm no racist -- I mean, some of my best friends are Italian. Wario for instance. ...but you're really pushing my buttons, talking like that. Here I've been taking it and taking it while you been breaking every rule of civility there is.
And the whole time you been doing me like this, I been too polite to point out that any time I up and decide I want to I can drop something from my flying top onto this damn door and crush it to splinters -- and there's nothing anybody's gonna do to stop me.
You know what I am, baby. You know what I can do. It's really taking a lot out of me, being so polite.
"All right, all right. I'll let you in. Just a second.
Oh CHRIST--"