| Proud Member Of |
Tim's LiveJournal
Hey, all! My name's Tim. I've agreed to take part in a behavioral study at the local University. Here's the deal:
I'm being kept in solitary confinement. I will stay in this comfortable, well-lit room for the next ten days. I am not allowed any contact with anybody else whatsoever. I am also not allowed to bring anything into this room, but am accommodated with a computer, a TV, a DVD player, and a copy of "You Got Served" on DVD. A machine will dispense food and water from a drop slot three times a day. They wouldn't tell me what this experiment is all about, and I can't say I'm wild about the movie "You Got Served", but hey, for 200 bucks a day I won't complain!
They set me up with this
LiveJournal, so I can record all my *non*adventures! The conductors of
this experiment have set this Journal so that nobody will be able to comment.
I suppose that they did this so I could express my emotions while retaining
sanity. Because, as any of my friends will tell you, I'm known to get a
little crazy and "off of the wall" sometimes! Hey Ben, can you say "cheez
doodles"? LOL, that was an inside joke, but from now on YOU, the reader,
will be on the inside of all my jokes. Happy readin'!!!
| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004 | |
| 10:04 am |
The start of a fun adventure! Welcome to Day One of the Great Tim Experiment!!!
They sent me into my room just a few minutes ago.
You know, this place isn't so bad. Could use some wallpaper though, LOL!
I added the LOL because that is funny, because if I asked the professor if I
could put up wallpaper he would probably stab my kneecaps off. This is a
serious experiment, after all, and who am I to jeopardize the pursuit of
scientific understanding just because white-tile walls aren't good enough for
me? Heck, if I knew the answer to that I guess I'd be wearing those fancy
lab-coats and using credit cards at the grocery store instead of whiling my days
away as an air-conditioner repairman!
I see that this computer is hooked up to the TV.
I guess that they're hoping that I'll take screenshots of that "You Got Served"
movie. I don't know though. I mean, that movie looks pretty crappy.
Besides, I've got ten days to watch it, there's no rush. Current Mood: 
optimistic |
| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004 | |
| 10:41 am |
Hoo boy...
This is going to be tough. It's only been like
30 minutes since I last put in an entry, but this is getting hard. I
don't know what to do. I almost turned on the movie, but I promised
myself that I wouldn't touch it until the second day. I can't believe
that I'm having to practically physically restrain myself from watching "You
Got Served". Current Mood: 
bored |
| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004 | |
| 10:58 am |
Hoo boy...
Hey guys, I am reall89vhpuvb;bnl;jkbf
God, this is pathetic. I'm not going to post in
this LiveJournal unless I actually have something to talk about. Then
again, if everyone followed that rule, the LiveJournal factory would have to
shut down, and all the workers would trudge out the doors, hauling pickaxes over
their shoulders as their downcast, soot-smeared faces stared at their shoes.
wait, can faces stare?
OK, I promise that I won't post again until 8:00
tonight. Current Mood:
bored |
| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004 | |
| 8:00 pm |
FINALLY
Jesus, I don't think I could have waited another
minute.
I'm reminded of all those times I got sent to time-out
when I was a kid. This was just like the good ol' days, I guess. I
masturbated 14 times. #14 took me like an hour and a half. I can
barely even type now.
And no, I didn't watch You Got Served. After #9,
I thought, "Maybe I ought to just watch it." But then I started
fantasizing about Amy Lee from Evanescence making out with Babs Bunny from Tiny
Toon Adventures, and it was off to the races again. Current Mood:
bored |
| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004 | |
| 6:14 am |
About to watch the movie...
OK, I'm about to give "You Got Served" a try.
Who knows, maybe it'll actually be good. Look for a review soon... Current Mood:
bored |
| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004 | |
| 8:55 am |
GOOD GOD
Naturally, the movie I happen to get stuck with for
ten days is also the most boring movie I have ever seen. About 35% of
the movie can be summed up in a single screenshot: 
The movie starts out with dancing.
Then some more dancing.
Then, for a little while they don't dance because
they are talking or doing other stuff.  But then, more dancing!
After that, several things happen that turn their
whole world upside down. 
Whoa, wait, they might do something other than
dance! Wait...no...still dancing.
And then I died of boredom. 
I will stare at the ceiling for nine days straight
before I watch this movie again.
Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 7:56 am |
ugh
You thought I was joking? Hell no I wasn't
joking! It was a matter of principle, I had to prove just how committed
I was to never watching that movie.
Not to say that there weren't a few moments of
weakness. At around day three, I almost got up and turned on the movie.
I thought, "well, at least the moving pictures will offer frequent visual
changes in texture and color." But then reason kicked in, and I realized
that any man who voluntarily watches "You Got Served" more than once is
something less than a man.
Anyway, I can't believe it, but my time here is
almost up. In a couple of hours they should be letting me out and
handing me my check. I am a compassionate man, so I'm going to use the
money I get from this to start my own video rental store so I can package
copies of "You Got Served" with cyanide capsules. Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 9:59 am |
Bye, everyone!!!
They should be letting me out of here in exactly
five minutes. It sure has been a strange ten days! I guess that
they were waiting to see whether I would crack, or end up loving "You Got
Served" out of necessity. Well, they were wrong! It takes more than a comfy bed and a
crappy movie to get the best of ol' Tim!
Just a minute ago I heard a boom that was
practically deafening, and the room shook. Guess that's their idea of a
wake-up call! It reminded me of every single time someone would hit the
ground after jumping in "You Got Served". The camera would
shake, and then everybody would go back to gyrating and stealing each other's
hats. Actually, I'm pretty sure that the whole plot of the movie
revolved around one team trying to steal the other's hats, or throwing their
hats at each other, or wearing hats, or some permutation of the three.
Anyway, I guess I should say goodbye. Thanks
for reading, everybody! Maybe I'll see you the next time they hold
experiments. Maybe next time they'll give me The Phantom. It is my
favorite movie! 
SLAM EVIL!
Happy trails, everybody!
Your friend,
Tim Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 11:00 am |
uh...
Maybe somebody overslept or something, because I
should have been let out of here an hour ago. This sucks, I hope I'll be
getting paid overtime for this. Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 2:43 pm |
HEY GUYS
I AM STILL IN HERE
PLEASE LET YOUR OLD BUDDY TIM OUT Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 6:14 pm |
hmm...
Did I hear them wrong? I thought they told me
ten days, but maybe they said "ten days, eight hours and fifteen minutes" and
I just didn't hear them correctly. In which case I'll get out of here in
just a second! Here's hoping! Bye guys! Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 6:16 pm |
...
:( Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, June 4th, 2004 | |
| 6:55 pm |
worst
OK, this is ridiculous. I'm going to stop
watching the clock. I am going to lie face-down on the floor until they
come to get me out. It's a far better way to pass the time than watching
"You Got Served". Current Mood:
bored |
| Monday, June 7th, 2004 | |
| 3:44 pm |
Son of a bitch.
I lay motionless on the floor for three days.
But I was practically dying of thirst, and I couldn't take it anymore.
I found, to my surprise, that this computer now has
Internet access. I was firewalled before.
What I found on the internet was even more shocking.
Check out what
Yahoo.com looks like right now.
i'm scared, i wish i knew what was going on. Current Mood:
bored |
| Monday, June 7th, 2004 | |
| 7:34 pm |
All I can do is hope...
Things are not right. I have to come to the
conclusion that something very, very terrible has happened outside these four
walls. Was there a meteor, or a nuclear strike? Or is this all
just a big joke? Maybe it's part of the experiment!
I tried shoving the door open, but to no avail.
I can't possibly open it from the inside. And i don't know whether
anybody outside is alive. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm starting to lose it. Current Mood:
bored |
| Monday, June 7th, 2004 | |
| 11:42 pm |
HELP
HELP ME
GET
ME OUT OF HERE
HELP
HELP
HELP HELP HELP HELP
HELPVASVAV
VAV27Y4
AWBVA
SVF
AVFBNB
FBDG
NE
JUJNDH
JEUK Current Mood: qBVFsjk>BGAERIBSDL;BSGTRIO;N;WETIO4O; |
| Wednesday, June 9th, 2004 | |
| 1:20 am |
...tell me it was a
nightmare...
Apparently, I blacked out about two days ago.
My consciousness must have descended into an animal-like rage. The last
thing I remember is shrieking cries of help in despair. I woke up on the
floor a few minutes ago. The walls are streaked with blood.
Okay, I have to think smart if I want to get out of
here. Other than the door, the only openings are a vent in the ceiling,
and the drop-chute where the food drops down. That chute looks just large
enough for me to maybe squeeze my way through.
One oddity about this whole situation is that the
drop-slot keeps sending down food and water. I'm enjoying my crackers and
Pop-Tarts, just as I was before, even though the world is probably a nuclear
wasteland. Weird. Current Mood:
bored |
| Wednesday, June 9th, 2004 | |
| 3:30 am |
Do or die
I've decided that I have to take action. I'm
looking at this room, and I see guaranteed safety. Nice accommodations,
food that drops three times a day, and safety from the unknown. But what
am I going to do with my life? "You Got Served" is too goddamn boring,
and I'll eventually run out of tiles to count.
I'm going to leave this room now. I hope that
the chute leads to somewhere wonderful, or at least somewhere away from here.
I am sorry to have to leave you, dear LiveJournal, but it is my fervent prayer
that I never see you again.
God bless. Current Mood:
bored |
| Monday, February 13, 2025 | |
| 9:06 PM |
iui hasve dfsuond m y awey
bakc
I hvae escpaed mjy chutwe priso/n
parise god,
Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, February 17, 2025 | |
| 12:03 PM |
What a strange journey it
has been...
I apologize for the last entry. I have spent
the last three days regaining the dexterity in my atrophied digits, and am
finally able to type intelligibly, so that I now may tell my story.
It has been nearly eight years since you last heard
from me. I proceeded to crawl up the chute with some success. Then,
at the halfway point, I attempted to maneuver a tight spot. I became
hopelessly stuck, and there I stayed. I survived on the food and water
deposits that were inexplicably still delivered from above. In my
uncomfortable, dimly-lit prison, I was kept alive and warm by the thought of
someday being able to return to my home, which was a heartbreakingly mere thirty
feet away. I eventually was able to free myself by wearing away the chute
walls. I have spent the last three days cleaning up all the petrified
defecation that has accumulated at the bottom of the chute. By the way, I
do have a toilet in here, I don't know whether I mentioned that. A long
time ago I tried flushing "You Got Served" down the toilet, but it wouldn't fit.
While up there, I had a lot of time to think. I
asked myself, "Why was I so loathe to turn on that movie? It's just a
movie. It really wasn't all that bad. You had your chance to
enjoy it, but you didn't take it, and now you would give the world for it.
You miserable fool."
So it is with a fresh approach and an eagerness to be
entertained that I will hereby devote the remainder of my days in here to "You
Got Served". Current Mood:
bored |
| Thursday, February 16, 2025 | |
| 2:24 AM |
Cast of characters
"You Got Served" is a great film, but it would be
merely a good film, were it not for the depth of the characters involved. Elgin 
Elgin is the leader of his "krew". Like all the
other street dancers in the movie, Elgin has a macho attitude, despite the fact
that he lives with his mom and is on a dance team. He also has a second
head growing out of his shoulder. David 
I hate this motherfucker. First off, the guy who
plays him is in B2K, which is the musical equivalent of your girlfriend shanking
your balls off with one hand, and banging away at an electronic keyboard with
the other. Both result in the high-pitched screaming of OH GUURRRRRL [doot
DOOT doot].
And I'm kind of confused. Why do girls think
this guy is the shit? Tell me he doesn't look like he should be a member
of the Burger King Kids' Club. Girls could have posters of real men like
David Robinson or Vin Diesel in their rooms, but they'd rather stare at fucking
Kid Vid. This is precisely why most women grow up to be lesbians.
Liyah 
Liyah is Elgin's sexy little sister, and the only real
reason to watch this movie. She doesn't actually dance, because unlike the
rest of the black people in this movie, she is smart! She speaks
without a ghetto dialect, and is going to attend Princeton! Whoever wrote
the script for this movie wanted to take great pains to ensure that she is
unlike all those other black people. You know, since in order to be
bright and successful, one must set one's self apart from the proles. Oh
yeah, and wear as little clothing as physically possible. Beautifull 
Here we see Beautifull showing somebody how her name
is supposed to be pronounced differently, since it has two Ls in it.
Beautifull is the producers' attempt to put at least one person in the story
with any sort of personality whatsoever. Unfortunately, it's a personality
so abrasive that next time I get a bunion on my foot, I'm going to grind it away
by rubbing it against her face.
Here is Beautifull's entire role in the story.
Elgin: sup boo
Beautifull:
WHY YOU METTLIN
Elgin: SHE TIGHT. EEEEEEE 
Beautifull:
WHY YOU METTLIN
Elgin and David:
We have won the competition! We got a gold medal!
Beautifull:
WHY YOU MEDALIN Mr. Rad
Mr. Rad is the coolest name in history, and it is a namesake that he has earned. Of special note is the obviously radical solid-blue hat, anti-establishment Richard Pryor moustache, and anarchist jacket that he wears at all times, even in summer in Los Angeles. Mr. Rad probably would have been in this movie a little more, except Steve Harvey knew a sinking ship when he saw it, and decided to jump into the ocean with a wooden chair so he could float to shore.
WHAT BLACK MAN YOU KNOW GON KEEP PLAYIN WHEN THE DAMN SHIP GOIN DOWN
I DO NOT KNOW, THAT IS WHY I AM GESTURING EMPTILY The Faggot Brothers
Just this picture alone is irrefutable proof that these guys swallow cock mustard. I don't even know their names, and I don't really think it's important. They're the "bad guys", just like every single other white kid from the suburbs. And just like every white kid from the suburbs, we have to exploit black talent to have a chance. When the first showdown begins, Elgin and David discover that one of their black homies has joined the ranks of the Douchebag Patrol.
Nothing screams intimidation like a bunch of man-dykes doing their best prison-bitch tough guy faces. It appears as though Bushido Blood on the far right is giving the kissy face.
And yes, Faggot Brother #2 is wearing a shirt that
says "Actually, Yes, the World Does Revolve Around Me." It makes him
look like a hardass, and not at all like his mom brought home a shirt from the
Stuckey's she works at so he could cut off the sleeves and exhibit his lack of
muscular definition. Whew! Well, that was a lot of watching and a lot of writing, but it wasn't all that bad. Check back tomorrow when I discuss the archetypal struggle between Elgin and David, and their obvious homage to Biblical figures David and Jonathan. Current Mood:
bored |
| Friday, February 17, 2025 | |
| 8:50 pm |
WHAT
WHO COMMENTED
WHO WAS THAT
HOW DID YOU COMMENT
PLEASE HELP ME FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST Current Mood:
bored |
| Saturday, February 18, 2025 | |
| 4:13 pm |
Farewell...
What I am about to do is in the best interests of humanity.
The "New World Covenant" has asked for my copy of
"You Got Served." And I am not going to give it to them. I am
going to destroy it, right here and now, before they have a chance to seize it
and model human society after it. For a world of "You Got Served" would
be a world of inexplicable, phoned-in, self-serving cameos by La-La and Lil'
Kim. Grown men would dress like undersized clowns, and all women would
be sassy gh3tt0 gUrLz. Differences would be settled not through
discussion, but through the ability to gyrate one's hips in rhythm with the
guy dancing next to him.
We have dishonored our fair lady Earth enough
already; we need not aggravate her suffering. May humanity die swiftly
from the world's surface and memory.
For you, dear Gabriel, I only have one thing to say.
You are just mad
because you got SERVED. 
SERVED. 
SERVED. 
SERVED. Current Mood:
served |
