THE LIST OF THINGS I PLEDGE TO DO
IF
BUSH IS RE-ELECTED

by Ninja X

I fucking hate Bush. I don't know what I am going to do if Bush is elected. Wait, yes I do.

1. Move to Canada.

1. No, wait, move to Amsterdam.  LOL, I could partake of marijuana there, if you know what I mean!

2. Organize a work walkout. After all, crippling the economy of the country in which I work and do
business is the perfect way to get back at a president I do not like. Me and my friend Josh plan to
bring down George W. Adolf's regime by just clocking ourselves in at the Kroger and leaving, and
getting Randy to clock us out once our shift is over.

3. Verbally accost any and all people I come across who have not yet defected to another country.

4. Douse myself in gasoline and construct an elaborate, Rube Goldbergian device that is set in motion
by a tripwire run along the doorway to the Oval Office. If Jail to the Bush trips it, it will pull a match
across an abrasive surface, setting me ablaze in a fit of seething protest. If Kerry wins, I don't have to
worry about him tripping the wire because I'm pretty sure he's a ghost.

5. Continue to perform routine tasks, such as wearing socks and using the restroom.

6. Make bemused references of the incident in which Bush choked on a peanut and imply that said
incident occured because he is of a lesser intellect. I will also choose to make references of this
nature as frequently and awkwardly as possible, such as while ordering food through a drive-thru.

7. Cut down all the bushes in my parents' yard.

8. Ingest Drano.

9. Sullenly disregard mother's request of how my day was at school, stomp upstairs, slam door, play
Simple Plan at full volume.

10. Wait for someone named Doyle to sustain a serious injury that requires an immediate blood
transfusion. I will pretend as though I intend to donate my blood, then at the last minute rip the
needle out of my arm and yell NO BLOOD FOR DOYLE until I pass out.