THE 12 1/2 BEST ALBUMS EVER

by (NAME COMING SOON)

(PICTURE COMING SOON)

12. "COSMIC THING" BY B-52'S

When I was a baby my Mom used to lull me to sleep at nights by reading to me from the liner notes of this album.  I would fall asleep dreaming peaceful dreams of people roaming where they want to...even roaming around the world!  So this record gets to be number twelve, because even though it isn't as good as some of the others here, I burst into tears whenever I'm tresspassing in a love shack somewhere and see a sign that says "STAY AWAY FOOL."

11. "SICKNESS" BY DISTURBED

Some of you out there in website reader land might think it's uncool of me to put some Nu-metal on my list after the scene has passed, but I defy you to crank up Disturbed and get through him going "OOOOOOOOOOH WAGGA GAGGA" and not see your entire dance floor filled with people dancing!   You gotta get up to get doooooown.

10. "JOHNNY GILL" BY JOHNNY GILL

What happened to this smooth brother??   I love his singing style, so manly!  When he sings "Put on your red dress" it's OVER!  I think that Geroge W. Bush should stop spending money on reelection and spend our federal tax dollars to build giant machines that will dig deep into the Earth's crust to find out where the bodies of the hip African-Americans New Edition are buried!  Reanimate them and give us a fresh 2004 reeeeemiiiixxxxxx of RUB YOU THE RIGHT WAY.  Do it, George W. Bush, you bastard!

9. "LIFE FOR RENT" BY DIDO

Hey shut up I like Dido, and you can suck my dick from atop your high horse if you got a problem!!!!  She is good at singing and making harmony.

8. WHICHEVER BOB MARLEY ALBUM THAT HAS "JAMMIN" ON IT

I don't listen to reggae much but I must say that "Jammin" is one of the best songs ever recorded in a record studio and put on a record.  It has a funky fresh beat that you can dance to, and also the message that we should all stop having wars and start jamming is a powerful one.  I am not sure which Bob Marley record contains "Jammin," but as far as I'm told Bob Marley is a legend and if he's as great as everyone says he's got "Jammin" on them all!

7. "FRANZ FREDINAND" BY FRANZ FREDINAND

I usually try to stay on the cutting edge of buzzworthy inside track records (I was the first person on my block to own COME ON RIDE THE TRAIN by the Quad City DJs when I was a little (name coming soon)) so I got this record for 7.99 at my local Target department store, and I have to say I haven't listened to it all yet but "Take Me Out" is BAD ASS.  I hope the rest of the album lets me know who finally wins in the fight between Franz and Anti-Franz.

6. "COMPUTER WORLD" BY KRAFTWERK

I like this album a lot because I can use it to connect to the Internet.  I also appreciate all the effort put this band puts into making that delicious macaroni and cheese.

6 1/2. THE LEFT SIDE OF "DOOKIE" BY GREEN DAY

look a monkey

5. "NO SHIRT NO SHOES NO PROBLEM" BY KENNY CHESNEY

His music is pretty boring and formulaic, but he sure does have a pretty mouth.

OH SHIT I'M GAY RUN

POW POW POW

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM CRASH

4. "SHAQ DIESEL" BY SHAQUILLE O'NEAL

It is so sad that this was my favorite record of all-time and number one on this list when I started this list four months ago (sorry Hamid I'll try to get you more content soon!!) but as we all know Shaquille O'Neal was traded away from the Los Angeles Lakers to the Miami Heat over the summer.  As a die-hard fan of Lakers for the past few years I was heartbroken to lose our center big Shaq Fu Shnickens.  Who's in charge of trading around here??  I can't put a rap album by a Miami Heat player at number one.  What would the kids on the J.V. basketball team think of me??  Fuck that noise.  AND FUCK MR. ANTHONY ASSISTANT BASKETBALL COACH.  Also originally number 2 on my list was "NOW WAIT JUST A MANUTE," the hip-hop album from Manute Bol, but that was just not right at all.  

3. "AUTOBIOGRAPHY" BY ASHLEE SIMPSONS

This is on the list at number three because it is the last record I bought and listened to all the way through.  Some people say she doesn't know how to sing and that she sucks at making albums but they have only heard her single, "Pieces of Me."  If you take the time and actually listen to the album instead of judging her by one song you will find that she has many more songs about being in relationships and subsequently breaking from them!!!  Your all just elitists.

What the hell is that on the chalkboard behind her?  Does that say "AORTA" behind her?  Here's my theory:   She was asked to come up to the board to draw and label the parts of the human heart, but the big map came loose and fell down and bumped her in the head, and someone in class has snapped a picture of her feeling embarrassed moments after.  AUTOBIOGRAPHY

2. "HORRORSCOPE" BY EVE 6

"Here's to the Night" is my favorite song ever because it reminds me of the times spent in our high school under the stairs making out with my hot girlfriend, because I was very popular in high school and did these kinds of things instead of learning to read or write coherently.  Also, I think it would be very frightening to try to find out what the day holds for Taurus and instead find a HORRORSCOPE!

LEO - JULY 23 - AUGUST 22nd

TODAY YOU WILL BE KILLED BY A CLOWN WHO WILL SNEAK UP ON YOU BY POPPING OUT OF YOUR KITCHEN CABINETS WHEN YOUR BACK IS CLOSED AND HE WILL BASH IN YOUR HEAD WITH A WOODEN SPOON

:(  oh man freaked myself out there.

1. "PATCH ADAMS ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK"

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