When Maddox compared President Bush to a bunch of Tic-Tacs, he enjoyed hundreds of thousands of hits by recycling the following joke:

"Bush is stupid and Tic-Tacs are inanimate objects."

I figure that if I add an extra column to the analysis, I will experience 50% more hits, which will give me the same E.R.A. as fellow Cubs pitcher Kyle Farnsworth. 

	VS		VS
Hits a lot of home runs.		Runs a homepage with a lot of hits.		Just sits there.
Retired because he was getting old.		Should retire his "I DO NOT LIKE CERTAIN THINGS YARRRR LOL" shtick because it is getting old.		Just sits there.
Hits home run, collapses ruined body in wheelchair, waits for batboy to wheel him around the bases.		Assumedly able to get up and walk around.		Just sits there.
Played in Busch Stadium.		Hey guys did you know that Bush choked on a pretzel once??		Just sits there.
Career home runs: 583.		Career home runs: 0.  Get it, because he never played baseball.		Just sits there.
Hacks at ball.		Is a hack.		Just sits there.
Shriveled testicles due to Creatine milkshakes.		Hey everybody I'm going to make a joke about how Maddox's balls are small because I do not like him!!!		hey when will a category come up that i can win
Comes in one flavor: Mark McGwire.		Comes in one flavor: Maddox.		thx :)