Cartoon
The Skatebirds

Animal
Flightless skatebird

Outfit: skully / goggles / scarf / rollerskates

Tagline: "It's skatebird time."

Plot summary: The worst thing The Beatles ever did was the film "Across the Universe." Holy shit, that stunk. The second worst thing The Beatles did was make people think it was okay to run around like an asshole. In "A Hard Day's Night" the joy of the Fabulous Four is infectious, and watching them zip around in fast forward and be shitty and sarcastic about everything changed the way we think about music and young people. The audience wanted to BE them, but because the audience was terrible at music they just grew their hair out and started being snippy and figured "close enough."

The Beatles begat the Monkees, and the Monkees begat the Banana Splits, and the Banana Splits begat the Skatebirds, a living tribunal of guys in mascot costumes and rollerskates who move in circles and fall down unexpectedly and basically make you feel like the barnacles on Sigmund the Sea Monster's anal crevice for a few minutes before the cartoons began. And the cartoons lasted for SIXTY MINUTES.

SIXTY MINUTES OF THE ROBONIC STOOGES bookended by the Skatebirds. And they say "terrorism" and "mistrust of government" is what made everybody so fucking miserable at the end of the seventies. (more)

User Comments: tony hawk is good at ridin skatebird

One of the Skatebirds is tall. One of the Skatebirds has the Harpo Marx gimmick where he can pull anything he needs out of thin air. The third Skatebird is "Scooter," who is a pink penguin and not special in any way that isn't being named after the most retarded mode of transportation imaginable. The Skatebirds invented those infernal things known as "heelies," the shoes with wheels in the heels that kids who want to get smacked in the face wear. One minute they're walking and the next they're gliding about like so much Undertaker through so much fog to so much ring.

Notice that the lenses of Scooter's goggles are brown. This is not a coincidence.

User Rating: 3.4/10 (100 votes)