Cartoon
Pound Puppies
All New Pound Puppies

Animal
Retrieveruca Salt





Outfit: schoolgirl/cheerleader outfit / bob / disdain for feces

Tagline: "Ewww, Pound Puppies, they're yucky icky poo."

Plot summary: If you're a writer for a cartoon show about unwanted animals and how cool they are, how do you come up with a villain? The only way you can go is the "hateful rich person" Cruella De Vil route, and give them a decent reason for wanting a large group of baby animals dead. Most of the time the simple answer is "fur," because only megalomaniacal shitheads and Jennifer Lopez (okay, only megalomaniacal shitheads) want to gut and shank a domesticated DOG for a coat. That's like wanting a coat made out of hamsters. Cruella wanted dalmation fur, Monty Burns wanted greyhound fur. Pound Puppy antagonist Katrina Stoneheart wanted a coat made out of whatever mutt stayed in the pound the longest or something? I don't know. She didn't seem to want anything but to make sure they stayed in the pound, so maybe she was just insured by the company to make sure shit stayed static, and that they'd never have to change the name of the toys or show to VERY HAPPY PUPPIES IN HOMES ALREADY.

Katrina's daughter Brattina, who was damned to be a fussy loudmouth right out of the womb, seems even less motivated to do whatever the Hell it was the Stonehearts were trying to accomplish. Whereas Katrina would bellow crap like I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME POUND PUPPIES like she was Dr. Claw, Brattina just went EW OH GOD PUPPIES GROSS in a kind of Mischa Barton meets Lucy from Peanuts kind of way. In the same way that Gargamel could've saved himself a lot of time and effort by ditching the crazy magic and machines to just PUNCH the Smurfs to death or hit them with a hammer, Katrina and Brattina could've just adopted the dogs and killed them. They never did, and we got 20 minutes of Cooler and the Gang going back and forth between loving the pound and wanting to leave it when we could've been watching the goddamn Muppet Babies. (more)

User Comments: If Brattina existed in some kind of bastardized Pound Puppiez 2k6 effort these days, she'd be wearing a halter top and have lips the size of Mars where her nose should be. Her motivation would be to hold the Pound Puppies in her purse while pursuing a career in movies, television, music, and sociology. She would then release a sex tape (animated, of course) and produce several hit songs about how she wants the area black man to "check up on it" and "put it down" before releasing extremely popular childrens dolls that I would beat against my dick until my heart fell out from between my legs.

Thankfully she existed in the 1980s, and just looks a lot like Jenny Lewis.

User Rating: 3.4/10 (4,210 votes)