Cartoon
Star Wars: Clone Wars

Animal
Closely guarded copy of Chrono Trigger

Outfit: colored skin / two tales, called "lekku," protruding from head / lekku boom boom down

Tagline:  Something cardboard about philosophy as seen by a man who apparently only ponders philosophy while making people talk between space fights.

Plot summary:  Aayla Secura is a Jedi Knight who appeared in "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones."  She is an empathic and highly intelligent Jedi Knight with impressive breast-having skills.  The character was originally created for the Expanded Universe, but after a piece of striking artwork George Lucas decided to give her a role in the prequels.  Expanded Universe aficionados compensated by making about forty-five more paperback novels about how Boba Fett has romantic problems.  You can't treat woman like a slave, for one!

Aayla is a "Twi'lek," a member of a race of intelligent and beautiful people who look like extravagant bicycles and are often sold into slavery as dancers for crime lords.  Maybe you remember Oola, the green chick who danced for Jabba the Hutt in Return of the Jedi.  Same thing.  One day I hope to contribute to the Star Wars Expanded Universe the factoid that no matter how sexy the exotic green alien stripper may be, you will only find bittersweet irony in her Twi'lek Zone.

"Star Wars: Clone Wars" consists of three-minute installments for seasons 1 and 2, one-minute installments for season 3, twenty-second installments for season 4, and a picture of Hayden Christensen flashing subliminally during the opening credits of episodes of "Tom Goes To The Mayor" for season 5. (more)

User Comments:  When Jolene Blalock burst through the wall and broke Eddie Brock out of prison, a piece of her spawned and joined with Brock's psychotic cell-mate to create Amy Allen, the actress who plays Aayla in the films.

How do you tell your wife or girlfriend that she's only really hot when she's covered in paint and has two wieners hanging off the back of her head?  Aayla's bared stomach and elevated cleavage convey the subtlety of the Jedi Code.  Her role alongside the half-dozen other busty young female ass-kickers who advance a plot that thirty years ago was being advanced by old British dudes and guys in fur helmets conveys the subtlety of George Lucas' aging penis.

Originally written to die on Felucia, Aayla is now rumored to appear in a Star Wars television show set to begin production in 2006.   "Bib Fortuna-ly" for us it looks like Aayla Secura will go down as one of our favorite Jedi Knights of all, standing proudly beside Luke Skywalker, Samuel L. Jackson, and the hilariously Hasselhoff-fucking alien warrior Kit Fisto.

User Rating: 6.9/10 (100,654,111 votes)