Back in June, I put together a list of the 10 Least-threatening Pro Wrestlers Named 'Ricky'. That got me thinking about the most threatening wrestlers named Ricky, which eventually brought me around to noticing how many wrestlers were named 'Dick', and how weird that is.
Long story short, I did extensive research on wrestling Dicks (not recommended without safesearch, btw) and complied a list of the Dick-related wrestling names I thought were the most threatening. Or the most concerning. Or the most obviously intended to make you think about dicks. I can't really explain that any better, just read the post and check out these weird dudes.
Warning: The word "dick" is typed a lot.
Note: All photos in this post can be found at OWOW.
10. Dick Brower
Used in a sentence: "My girlfriend went to Ulta to get her eyebrows plucked, but left with red marks all over her face. She must've really had a dick brower."
Fun fact: Dick Brower started his career as the "Delaware Destroyer", which is almost as threatening as being called "Dick Brower". He won the NWA Toronto International Tag Team Championships several times, including twice with Whipper Watson in a tag team I really, really hope was called Dick Whipper.
9. Dick Togo
Used in a sentence: "I'd really like to prostitute but I'm in a hurry ... I'll have to take my dick togo."
Fun fact: Dick Togo is awesome and one of the best wrestlers of the last 20 years. The only notable thing about him to non-wrestling fans is probably the fact that his first name is "dick" and his last name is "to go". His finisher is climbing up somewhere really high and just jumping on you as hard as he can with his ass and back. In conclusion, Dick Togo rules.
8. Dick Dunn (not the Dad from The Wonder Years)
Used in a sentence: "My pimp is making me work late. He really wants me to buckle down and get this dick dunn." Or, "You can cook it medium well if you have to, but make sure the dick dunn."
Fun fact: Pro wrestlers named Dick are almost always these hairy, slovenly types that actually look like big dicks. This guy chose to call himself "Dick Dunn", which is stupid, because his real name was "Richard Demonbreun". His last name was DEMON BREWIN' and he called himself "Dick Dunn". That's like being named Brock Lesnar and calling yourself Ass Rippington.
7. Dick Hutton
Used in a sentence: "She punched me in the crotch, and now my dick hutton."
Fun fact: According to Online World Of Wrestling, "Dick Hutton competed in the 1948 Olympic Games in London as a super heavyweight, finishing 5th in freestyle wrestling". According to me, you can totally tell that he was SUPER FAT and always sucking in as hard as he could. Look at him, if he exhaled his guts would shoot out of his butthole.
6. Dickie Rodz
Used in a sentence: "The Stewart Family is always unhappy having to talk about their dickie Rodz."
Fun fact: It's hard to use "Dickie Rodz" in a shitty pun because it's the most porno name ever. If you gave it to a chiseled guy with a towel around his waist, maybe it'd be appropriate, but you should never wrestle as a hobby on the weekends and demand strangers and people who find you on the Internet call you "Dickie Rodz". Take more than 15 seconds to decide your wrestler name, because if you wrestle, people will call you it forever. "Thanks for bringing me in for this job interview. What's that? Oh yes, I wrestled. I was DICKIE RODZ. Yes with a Z."
5. Dick Slater
Used in a sentence: "To get Kelly to agree to be his date to The Big Dance, Zack had to secretly dick Slater."
Fun fact: The best part is that Dick Slater was commonly known as "Dirty Dick", so you could say Zack had to dirty dick Slater, which makes it way worse. I know Dick used to be a common first name for guys, that "dirty" didn't become perverted until the last few decades and that sexually transmitted diseases weren't a huge national problem until the early 1980s, but there is no way this many guys got called "Dirty Dick" without someone being on to it. It's like Disney working SEX into the clouds in The Lion King. Somebody wants you to laugh at it.
4. The Dicks
Used in a sentence: "If possible, I would like to never see The Dicks wrestle again."
Fun fact: WWE briefly experimented with a Chippendales-themed tag team named The Dicks, because they occasionally like to make their audience really, really uncomfortable. Wikipedia says their names were James and Chad Dick, but I could've sworn they were Rod and Todd. If you were privy to our old 20 Gayest Tag Teams In Wrestling History post, you may remember that The Dicks were only topped by The Johnsons, a team of wrestling penises, when talk of the sport's most dick-like wrestlers is had.
3. Dick Kroll
Used in a sentence: "Let me click this video of Jennifer Love Hewitt's first nude scene ... whoops, look like I got dick kroll'd." Or "DO A DICK KROLL!"
Fun fact: You may recognize Dick Kroll as "that WWF referee from the 80s", before Earl (and eventually Dave) Hebner stole up and became WWF's first real Referee Of Note. You may also remember him from the one ECW show he worked in the late 90s, because Paul Heyman is the only person in the world who'd see Dick Kroll pass by him in street clothes and mark out.
2. Dick The Bruiser
Used in a sentence: no
Fun fact: I don't think there's been a wrestler with a more innocent, accidentally brutal sounding nickname as legendary star Dick The Bruiser. At no point do you want to hear "dick" and "bruising" in the same sentence. It's also very hard to hear "Dick The Bruiser" and not move the words around. Besides, seriously, look at that guy. He looks like the Three Stooges got melted together and are PISSED OFF ABOUT IT.
1. Dick The Bruiser Jr.
Used in a sentence: looool
Fun fact: The only way to make Dick The Bruiser more concerning of a name is to add "Junior" at the end of it, so here we are. This guy looks less like the monster Three Stooges. He looks like the assistant coaches from 'Coach' got melted together and are WONDERING WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT. Besides, how can you be "Dick The Bruiser Jr.?" Did Dick legally have his last name changed to THE BRUISER?
Anyway, there we have it. My picks for the 10 most concerning, Dick-centric pro wrestling names. If I left somebody off the list, drop me a comment below and let me know. Also, let's talk about dicks, you guys!
For more rankings of things you half-remember, check out our Arbitrary Friday List section.