The 9 Questions Answered By 'The Net.'

via 3.bp.blogspot.com

Seventeen years after its release in theaters, I finally got around to watching The Net over the weekend. And I'm telling you, Sandra Bullock has taught me so much about the Internet. I came in with a prepared list of questions that I hoped it would answer for me, and this movie answered nine of them!

Here's what I learned. I hope you learn a little something, too! God bless!

q. is it possible for folks like you & me to play games on computers

A. Absolutely! Here we see Sandra Bullock playing Wolfenstein 3D, which is a game about how useless knives are.

Wolfenstein_medium

Observe the position of her hands on the keyboard. She is playing the game by pressing nothing but the K key over and over. K is for "kill." She is going to win.

q. is the web TRULY a virtual marketplace when you really think about it

A. Took the words right out of my mouth! The web is TRULY a virtual marketplace, when you really think about it. You can order anything from plane tickets to pizza!

Pizza_medium

If you find yourself doubting the realism of this film, please note how not-that-different the actual pizza.net looks in the year 2012:

Pizza3_medium

q. are there all kinds of swell folks just like you & me that you can meet on the web

Condom_medium

A. No.

q. what happens when you get a v.i.r.u.s.

A. It's important to keep on the lookout for V.I.R.U.S.es, as many of them can pose a threat to your computer. This is the V.I.R.U.S. Sandra Bullock encounters at the beginning of the film.

Youaredead_medium

If this happens, simply reboot your computer by hitting CTRL+ALT+DELETE -- or, as I like to call it, "hacker's worst nightmare." Using this trick to keep your P.C. safe and thwart their efforts to take over your computer is sure to make hackers all over the web wake up in a cold sweat.

q. what if your picnic fails to live up to expectations

Apple1_medium

A. Jiminy Christmas, what a crummy picnic. You should probably just go ahead and

Apple2_medium

OH NO DON'T DO THAT, IT WASN'T THAT CRUMMY!! JESUS

q. what is the best way to learn about hijackings

A. If you're in an airport terminal, look for the nearest "arrivals/departures" monitor.

Planes_medium

If your plane is scheduled to be hijacked or crash, do not board that plane. Either go home, or shop the airport for souvenirs that you can buy and then sell for big buck$ on the 'net.

q. what happens when you delete files

A. The computer's display becomes distorted and fuzzy.

Mainframe_medium

This is because your computer's data actually exists inside of the pixels on the monitor. The tower, which does not actually contain any computer parts, folds out into that G.I. Joe base you always wanted as a kid.

q. what's so good about the net, why can't i just get in my plane and fly florpydisks of data to other folks like you & me

A. If you try to do that, this will happen.

Plane2_medium

q. should i try to solve my internet problems by crashing into a rocky outcropping via wayward dinghy

Dinghy1_medium

A. NO

Dinghy2_medium

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA

Questions The Net did not address:

  • is business booming on the net
  • is it true about bursting the dot-com bubble
  • what happens if you type the letter R while online
  • are there all kinds of things you can see & do on the net
  • are more & more folks using the net every day
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Progressive Boink

You must be a member of Progressive Boink to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Progressive Boink. You should read them.

Join Progressive Boink

You must be a member of Progressive Boink to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Progressive Boink. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.