The Dugout: You Gotta Keep Jim Thome Way Down In The Hole, Part 1

The Dugout was born as a passing chatroom joke in the middle of a 'The Sims' retelling of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter playing on the same team. From there it became a regular feature on the homepage, taking on a life of its own and getting us jobs at AOL FanHouse, speaking engagements at New York City's Varsity Letters event and, ultimately, semi-professional positions of worth in the sports blogging world.

To celebrate the return of Progressive Boink and the crazy week for the strip's protagonist Jim Thome, welcome to part one of a two-part crossover event with the regular, modern home of The Dugout, With Leather. JOKES WILL BE HAD.

In part one, we discover a clandestine deal between Philadelphia Phillies pals Jonathan Papelbon and Jim, upon losing the lead in a game against the Rays on June 23. Part one is after the jump. Be sure to visit With Leather for part two.

The Dugout

** Online Host **
KingOfPap has given up a run-scoring single to Brooks Conrad, the Tampa Bay Rays vs. Philadelphia Phillies Chatroom is now 6-6.

KingOfPap: daw durnit
KingOfPap: hay filly's, if anyboty can hep me win a game not lose a gam i give u all my 'llowance evry bit of it
PierrePants: how much is that exactly
KingOfPap: /digs into pockets

/removes slingshot, button, frog

/counts out change in hand

KingOfPap: this many thousen /holds up five fingers
PierrePants: woah
ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: holy shit Pap, how do have five thousand dollars of allowance?
KingOfPap: savin up 2 buy candys
ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: how much do you think candy costs
WordUpThome: WOULD A DINGER SUFFICE
KingOfPap: ya thad be perfec
PierrePants: I'm out.
KingOfPap: u hit homrun i give u all my lowance
WordUpThome: THAT IS LITERALLY THE BEST REASON EVER TO HIT DINGERS, ALLOWANCE IS GREAT; IT IS THE AMOUNT OF MONIES YOU ARE ALLOWED
WordUpThome: BY SOME BODY
ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: I don't want to be "that guy" but we are all millionaires, you remember that, right
PierrePants: I'm not, I had to use intangibles to get to work today
WhereAndyGriffithPoops: yeah me either, I'm only in the majors 'cause Ryan Howard can't keep his legs on his body
ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: okay, well, WE are all millionaires /gestures
WordUpThome: DO YOU MEAN THE WHITE PEOPLE
KingOfPap: ya white ppl r rich!!! yayyyy!!!
WordUpThome: HOO-RAY
WhereAndyGriffithPoops: /sulks away
PierrePants: /stuffs sock into shoe, imagines he's eating a Hot Pocket
WordUpThome: BE ARBY, GOTTA DING THE DANG OUT OF THIS DINGER

** Online Host **
Moments later --

WordUpThome: RAY GUYS THIS IS JI
WordUpThome: JIM THOME
McGeeAndMe: hello Jim I'm Jake McGee I'm from San Jose where are you from!
WordUpThome: LITERALLY EVERYWHERE
McGeeAndMe: lol that sounds nice I'm a pitcher for Tampa Bay Rays!
WordUpThome: OH OK
WordUpThome: YOU SEEM LIKE SUCH A NICE YOUNG PAL -- 'TIS A SHAME I MUST STRAIGHT-UP BEAR ATTACK YOU WITH MY MIGHTY BLOWS
McGeeAndMe: why would you do that
WordUpThome: ALLOWANCE
McGeeAndMe: 'let's rock' (my favorite Al Bundy quote!) /throws pitch
WordUpThome: /mashes tater

** Online Host **
WordUpThome has homered, and the Philadelphia Phillies have won the chatroom 7-6.

KingOfPap: yayayayayaya
WordUpThome: FIVE LEARGE PLEASE
KingOfPap: k lemme wri u chek /unfolds torn-out piece of spiral notebook paper

/writes "to jim tomy all my lowance love jon ppl" in red crayon

WordUpThome: TIME TO LIVE AMONGST MY DREAMS
ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: I thought you already lived your dreams that time you met, then ate Fudgie the Whale.
WordUpThome: NO CLIFFLY, ADDITIONAL DREAMS
WordUpThome: I WILL USE THIS MONEY TO MOVE TO BALTIMORE AND 24/7 PRETEND LIKE I AM A CASTED MEMBER OF THE GREATEST AFRICAN-AMERICAN DRAMA IN TELEVISION'S HISTORY
WordUpThome: IF I CAN'T GET A JOB AS A GARBAGE-STYLE MAN OR FIND OUT WHERE ROC LIVED I'LL JUST PLAY FOR THE ORIOLES AND PRETEND TO BE ON THE WIRE

** Online Host **
Meanwhile, in the Tampa Bay Rays Chatroom...

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: aight nerdz 5 whopper coupons an a envelope of loose sack-of-jawea dollars to any a y'alls who walks us offward with a homer
KeppingUpWithTheKardashians: The game's already over, stupid, that's not how baseball works.
UptonGirl: are you even on our roster still
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oic
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: maybe when i go to burgers king i can axe them if 'haven it my way' includes shoven 1 a them ovular-ass classic chicken sanwiches up you're fucken ass holes
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wait
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: fuck
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: GUYS CUSSING IS WORKING
Photos link to player info. More from the Dugout @ Uproxx
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