Holy moly, did we here at Progressive Boink ever get a traffic boost after Fox News picked up our list of the 10 Pranks That Will Spice Up Your Relationship! Well fear not, dear readers, because we've got no shortage of pranks you can play on your beau. Hold onto your hats, because things are about to get ... wacky. Here are 10 more of our favorite pranks to help you and your sweetie share a laugh, and just maybe get a touch of that old relationship magic back.
1. Write "HELLO!" in magic marker at the bottom of his fave coffee mug. Watch as he takes a sip -- and totally cracks up! This one will have you both in stitches for weeks.
2. Replace his coffee with chocolate milk. He will lose his mind as soon as that brown liquid hits his lips and is cold and tastes like chocolate and not hot and coffee-flavored. Then give him his real coffee between laughs.
3. Put a gummy bear in his coffee. You've heard of sweet treats? Well this is a real sweet treat! This one is especially spicy. Muy caliente! Things will probably heat up in the bedroom after this one, so make sure the kids are not around if you've got any!
4. Bop him with a pillow while he is trying to drink his coffee. Before he can say anything, plant a big old smooch on his cheek and then ask him to go the store to buy salty sugar or a pageless book or a chair with no legs and also no back or part to sit on. If he is a movie guy, ask him if he can go buy you both tickets to a movie called Zero Tickets to No Movie, Please. Clear some time in your schedules for this one, because this wild goose chase is guaranteed to keep him occupied for days.
5. Install a "key logger" computer program on your guy's computer. After a few days, fire it up to learn the passwords to all his online accounts. Then log in and read all his emails. Scoff at the absence of hilarious pranks in old emails from his ex-girlfriends. Send an email to all his contacts that says, "Hello, I am sorry to tell you this, but I am dead. Please do not contact me anymore. This is a message I made on my computer so that it would send to you when I died. Now I am dead. I am sorry." Crack up as he scratches his head for months because no one emails him anymore.
6. Hide in the trunk of his car before he goes to work. While he is driving on the interstate, start screaming and kicking and trying to shake the car with all your might. When he pulls over on the shoulder of the road to see what is going on, be waiting in the trunk for him with a squirt gun. Soak his clothes with the squirt gun. Don't forget to yell out something like, "Gotcha!" or, "You snooze, you lose!" Be careful with this prank, because it could go either way. He might crack up and then turn that car right around and carry you into the bedroom for an afternoon -- er, morning -- delight, or he could turn into a mean Mr. Stone Man who does not talk to you on the drive to drop you off and then is all weird and quiet and just says, "Nothing," in an annoyed voice when you ask what is wrong and then breaks up with you in an email later that day and changes his locks and starts closing the blinds on his windows at night, which he never used to do, and what is up with that?
7. While he is sleeping, tiptoe over to the closet and slip into a Richard Nixon mask (for all you non-old fogies out there, he was a president of the U.S.A.). Tiptoe back to the bed and pinch your honey's nose shut. Hold your breath and stay still while he grumbles and almost wakes up, but have a little patience with this prank! Once he has settled back down, climb on top of him, pin his arms down with your knees, and cover his mouth too. He will wake up after a few seconds. Keep cutting off his air flow and start screaming unintelligibly. Once he passes out in terror or from not being able to breathe (or both!), dissolve the Nixon mask in lye in the bathtub and slide back under the covers. When he finally comes to, act like you are asleep (or dead, for an extra prank) and pretend like you do not know what he is talking about if he wakes you up with angry accusations. What a gas!
8. Pick up his kids from his first marriage from school early and tell them you are taking them on a special trip, but that they have to wear blindfolds so the surprise is not spoiled. Take them to a state park or abandoned quarry and have them get out of the car. Yell "SURPRISE!" and speed away. When he starts looking for them that afternoon, chuckle to yourself on the inside but play along with the prank. This is one of those pranks that can go on for days -- leaving you plenty of time to, shall we say, do the watusi under the sheets. Plan accordingly!
9. Replace his multivitamin with a dose of sodium thiopental, potassium chloride, or another lethal injection drug. Take one yourself and lie in his arms as you both lose consciousness and prepare to enter the land of eternal pranks together.
10. If he has a cold and asks for a tissue, give him a napkin instead!
You get the idea! Now get out there and start pranking! Call it a hunch, but we think your honey bunny just might have a few smiles coming his way.